Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My girlfriend hates my best friend Stephanie. This has been going on for 2 years. I have asked her why but she never tells me. And everytime I ask, my girlfriend gets mad. Over the past 2 years I've been secretly meeting up with Steph every few months to catch up and talk and stuff. Since she goes to UCRiverside and I'm at the art institute in Los Angeles, I almost never get get to see her. I don't think this is fair though.. I am not a cheater, i've never thought of cheating on my girlfriend, and I've never given her a reason to doubt me.I feel terrible that I have to go behind my girlfriends back, but she's my best friend. Idk, call me crazy(don't though cause i fear going crazy lol)
but do u think my girlfriend thinks I like my best friend or something?. I hope this isnt the case cause i see her as a sister. There was a time where I did kinda start to like her but I wouldn't want to ruin my friendship with Steph. And ontop of that, we wouldn't last 3 min together cause we are very different. Haha Ugh, idk no offence but why are girls so confusing? :/ lol
Anyway what should i do? Should i stop meeting up with my best friend secretly? Should I tell my girlfriend that i have been talking to her and hanging out with her? And am I a bad person for doing what i am doing?
but do u think my girlfriend thinks I like my best friend or something?. I hope this isnt the case cause i see her as a sister. There was a time where I did kinda start to like her but I wouldn't want to ruin my friendship with Steph. And ontop of that, we wouldn't last 3 min together cause we are very different. Haha Ugh, idk no offence but why are girls so confusing? :/ lol
Anyway what should i do? Should i stop meeting up with my best friend secretly? Should I tell my girlfriend that i have been talking to her and hanging out with her? And am I a bad person for doing what i am doing?
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
My husband and I went through this for a brief while too. He was my only friend for a very long time. When I developed a relationship with a woman who is now my BF, he was a bit threatened and insecure. It took some gentle reassurance and patient listening to help him understand that he is my husband and everyone needs a BF (who is NOT their significant other) to maintain their sanity.
Your best friend is just that--a best friend, from the sounds of it. We all need one. I'm sorry that your girlfriend won't even discuss it with you. I would guess that she's jealous, threatened, and/or insecure. She wants that part of you that your best friend has. Sorry to say, that's not really her business. Your relationship with your best friend is your business. I wish I could say that maturity will bring ease and wisdom, but it doesn't for everyone.
Perhaps you could create a very nice romantic setting for your girlfriend and gently ease the question about if she is jealous or feels threatened by your BF. Offer to clarify the nature of your relationship with your BF, if that helps her. Help her understand that this other woman is your BF, but SHE is your girlfriend. You obviously have enough love to go around for both of them.
I wish you the best of luck! This isn't an easy situation for anyone!
One other suggestion is to sit down one-on-one with both of them separately and have a list of questions to help you sort through some sensitive subjects. With the girlfriend, not a single word about the best friend while you are doing this, just that you want to learn how she feels about these ideas. With the best friend, this type of jogging memory may reveal a statement made one way that you understand, and the girlfriend is offended by.
It took me a long time to see the difference in an "emotional affair" and a friendship.
Take the extra time to keep in touch with your best friend, and sometimes, silence is golden.
Best wishes!
I have been through something similar with my Boyfriend and it's tough. He has a very good friend who is a female and I can honestly say that she is beautiful and perfect in every way. I am extremely jealous of her and petrified that he will leave me for her. I am extremely honest with him about this though and he knows about these feelings I have.
Perhaps you should confront your girlfriend. Tell her its okay for her to be honest about her possible insecurity or jealousy. I know that this other girl is your best friend, but if you truly care about your girlfriend then you need to distance yourself from the best friend. Seeing her behind your girlfriend's back is not a good idea...you aren't a bad person for doing this but I don't think you should continue to see her behind your girlfriend's back. You need to be honest with your girlfriend...honesty is the basis of a good relationship.
I hope everything works out for you. Relationships can be really tough but you have to remember that there are two people with feelings involved. Try to be open and understanding with your girlfriend. :)
It is hard on a relationship when one partener has a best friend of the opposite sex. If you are serious about fixing this issue I would recomend 2 books for both you and your girlfriend to read. They will help you both gain an understanding of what each of you need and expect in your relationship. I have both of these books and they changed my life. Also you both need to be open and honest with each other. Dishonesty is what destroys relationships because the trust is broken. I have to be honest it does sound like your girlfriend is insecure(I would be too) but as her partener its your responsibility is to find out why and what makes her feel that way. She also needs to be open with you. Communication is the key to any successful relationship and having the right information at your finger tips will help a great deal.
The two books are
His needs, Her needs By; Willard F. Harley, Jr.
The five love languages By; Gary Chapman
You may be able to get them or order them through a boo store but you can order both online as well.
I really hope this helps you out.
I don't think you are a bad person for hanging out with your best friend! However, I don't think you should do it in secret either. Communication really is key in both relationships and friendships.
I do not think you should stop seeing your best friend. It sounds like you have been there for each other for a while and should remain a part of her life (and vice versa).
I think you should have a conversation with your girlfriend about Steph and explain why she is important to you. Also, tell your girlfriend why she is important to you as well and maybe even how your relationship with both her and your best friend differ. It does sound like your girlfriend may have some insecurities so it's best to be gentle and understanding.
I strongly agree with PghPanda! I think you should arrange time for all three of you to hang out and do something casual. Maybe do this once every few months so your girlfriend feels included from time to time and can be reassured that Steph is not a threat. However, it is also important to have one on one time with your best friend as well (do not give that up)!!
Be honest with your girlfriend and ask her what would make her feel better about the whole thing. If she's still not comfortable, then decide what's more important: the friendship or the relationship.
Explain to your girlfriend how much your friends relationship means to you, and include your girlfriend in ALL get-togethers you have with Stephanie.
You'll save yourself a lot of aggrivation by doing it this way.
I agree with what Lance said. There shouldn't be any get togethers that do not include your girlfriend. My best friend is a guy.....and the first 2-3 years I dated my husband, I never did anything with my BF without my husband. Now, 15 years later, my husband probably couldnt care less if we slept in the same bed. lol That is how sure he is that there is NO romance between the 2 of us.
I think your first priority should be your girlfriend. I am not saying you should end the friendship with your BF, but you should do everything in your power to help your girlfriend become comfortable with this. It isn't fair to just say..."This is the way it is.....she is my BF so you have to deal with it." I am sure your girlfriend does not WANT to be threatened by her. I am sure she wishes she could sleep at night with 100% confidence that there is nothing going on between you and your BF. But that isn't how she feels. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. What matters is that you do everything in your power to show her that you guys have nothing going on together and to reassure her.
If after a certain amount of time, you have done all you TRULY can, and your girlfriend still isn't accepting it, then there are 2 reasons for that.
1. She is so insecure that she will never be able to handle you being friends with ANY girl.
or
2. You really do have feelings for your friend and your girlfriend knows it.
Either way, you will have to make a choice between your friend and your GF.
You are a good guy with a good heart. You aren't doing anything to deliberately hurt anybody so don't be too hard on yourself. I hope things work out for you guys!