The dating sites were my last hope to find someone. I started in January. Six months plus and no serious dates. I feel more alone than before. As a kid I tried to never hurt anyone but I got hurt plenty. When someone criticized me for something I tried to change what was wrong. I had really long hair but no one else did so I got it cut. "Oh, you look so much better" they said. I wasn't big but I went on a starvation diet and lost so much weight that I was underweight. Oh, "you look so much better" they said. I worked and was open to everyone and tried to look as good as I could. Wore nice clothes. Oh, you "look good" they said.
Then Dad got sick and my life was put on hold but I still "looked good". I got really sick in 1999 but recovered and I "looked good", they said. When I worked in the store, I was told how nice and "pretty" I was. Yea, I still "looked good". Mom got hurt then sick. A man I cared about told me I was too fat to date. I began to wear down but still tried my best to help everyone I could and tried to "look good". Then my boss got pissy with me and I fell apart.
Lately I have tried to distract myself by meeting guys. The love of my life is gone and not answering any texts for over 2 weeks. That was the last straw. The ones texting now are in foreign lands or a thousand miles away. I invited one local to the chicken dinner today and he said he was still in quarantine. Good brush off there.
I keep wondering what I am doing wrong or what this force field I have around me that causes men to stay away??? I am open and respond to affection. Try to be honest without being sensative or too much. I have seen females who are so homely, I thought they were men! But they had someone! Usually a nice looking guy too.
So I am going to get a beauty shop hair cut Monday and going to the grief support Tuesday night. Even the idiot that took my lumber thought I was giving it away when I had my price on it. I can't seem to win. I can't let myself get careless. But I am slipping from reality.
I can't sleep either. 3 am and I am sitting her crying and so tired. I went to work yesterday and left the coffee pot on! Not a good thing. I am slipping and I have never been this down before. Oh LORD, Please help me out here. I need guidance. In JESUS name, Amen
Thank you all who have been responding and helping me through this very tough time. a question and something I am pondering. No one mentioned the fact that there is quite a good chance that he is preparing to get himself ready to leave the marriage. If he means everything he says to me, and he believes it all in his head. Then he would also want out of this marriage. if I am a liar,...
I'm 48 years old I lost my mother when I was 15 My dad when I was 33 and my brother 2 years ago. My brother committed suicide, he was a police officer. I've experienced depression all of my life, I am a type 1 diabetic and have been one for 40 years. It's tough being without my immediate family, not having someone that close that has no me sense of child not being able to talk to those people. I...