Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I just hate everyone and everything. all I want to do is yell and scream and throw things and destroy everything. but I can't, most of the time, so that just stresses me out even more, and then it's like all I can do is eat, or go lay down or buy more crap to try and feel better, so as to not upset others, and I'm sick of it.
last night I went to the store cuz I had a coupon that was expiring, so I finally went. went to the self-checkout, and of course all the young cashiers were loudly annoyingly talking and laughing the whole time, practically yelling. it's like they all think they have to yell through their F*ing masks. but I tried to just ignore it. I usually wear earplugs at home, but of course it looks weird, and I went out before and forgot to take them out, til afterwards and then thought oh, I guess that's why ppl were staring and rude (even more than usual) lol. so I made sure to take them out before I left, thus everything seems louder. but I just try to ignore it. but if all the loud yelling cashiers weren't enough, then there was another one just standing there, with a stack of kit kat bars, just slamming them back and forth repeatedly. I wanted to say "really? do you mind? that's really annoying" but then of course I would have been the crazy one. but then, after trying to ignore all the noise and not get pissed off, but it just continued with the oblivious idiots that never seem to realize how annoying they are, I finally just got so pissed off and annoyed that I just started making as much noise as possible too!!! hey, it's a noise party, right!?!? we all looooove to make nooooiiiissssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! I kept grabbing the plastic package of stuff and squishing it just to make noise and drown out theirs, until I got all my stuff bagged up and could leave. I raced out of there as fast as possible, making as much noise with my cart and then when I got to the end, slammed it into the wall repeatedly. (hey, we all love noise, right!?!?!?!? RIGHT!?!?!?!?) sometimes there's some annoying little twat that comes and follows me out and stands there so he can take the cart back (how nice, right!?) but not tonight. oh it would have been a treat for him. then head home, trying to relax. there's not much traffic, as usual these days, but I see a car down the street, going slow. of course I wonder if it's gonna come down there when it sees me...and of course it does, of course they have to speed up and pass me even though it's the narrowest part of the street, so I have to breathe their Fing gas. then I followed it, seeing if it was going to stop so I could spit on the ahole. nope, couldn't catch it. but it sat at a stop sign for a minute. oh, when they have the streets to themselves, they have all the time in the world, but as soon as they see a little girl on a bike they have to speed up and pass it so they have to breathe their gas. must just be another ahole that hates bikes. I should have ridden in the middle of the street and made the asshole sit behind me. oh well, the prick had a bunch of stickers on the back of his douchemobile, so i'll remember if I ever see it again.
anyway, then when I finally got home and calmed down a bit, then I made some food. I was going to have a hot dog, but while it was cooking I just had some bread and pb...lol. as usual. made some pasta salad, and wasn't even that hungry, but ended up eating half of it and felt like I was gonna throw up lol. I guess cuz when you have to keep tasting it to see if you need to add anything, well that's how you end up eating it all when you weren't even hungry, lol. see, that's why I don't cook anymore, lol. anyway, I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack, as usual, but was just trying to calm down and relax until the next day when I could go to the doctor if needed. well stuffing myself finally calmed me down I guess, as usual, and then tired so I just layed down. then this morning I got pissed off again by noise, and knowing I'd have to listen to it all day since *someone*'s home all day, and because it's been smoky out I can't really go out. so I finally got up and started slamming things and throwing things again. hey, why not? he blames everything on me anyway, all the "damage" is why he can never have the dumb landlord come over to fix anything, so why not just make some more damage so he can have more to blame me for? like the washer and dryer that broke years ago, so I never have clean clothes and am even more gross. he kept saying he was gonna do laundry for days, kept saying he was going sunday...well of course, he didn't. cuz he just likes to keep saying he's gonna do this or that, and never does it. and never seems to have the self awareness to realize that or how pathetic it is, nope, I'm just the one w/the problem again, for getting mad about it. when he doesn't work, so why the F#$% can't he go do laundry!?!?!?!? he could have had the landlord replace the washer and dryer or bought them himself, but nope. he says I should buy it. lol. so why not just make some more damage since theyre never gonna come over to fix anything and he's never gonna do anything either, all he does is sit on his ass on his F*ing computer all day, saying he has "so much to do" LOL, when he doesn't get paid for any of it of course, but he can also spend all day talking to my dumbass brother who calls him all day, who wants him to come up there and "help" him again, and he was supposed to leave weeks ago, but like usual can never get anything done (maybe it's cuz he spends all day on the phone?) and the dumbass doesn't seem to realize that hey, maybe IF YOU STOP CALLING HIM ALLLLLL DAYYYYYY EVERYYYYYY DAYYYYYYY HE COULD GET SOMETHING DONE AND GET HIS SH*T TOGETHER AND GET UP THERE!!!!!!
welp, still pissed off, so...guess I'll go eat some more.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
When I am this consumed by rage, I go hunting for an anger channel. Trying to hold it in seems to burn me alive from the inside out. Channeling the anger into a safe target helps me vent the rage without hurting anyone. Hopefully not even myself, but? ? ? I've survived more than one war wound.
My first anger channel, when my rage was fully out of control was old junk piles. The major appliances I ravaged were easier to carry out of the ravine in the smaller pieces after my rage was spent.
Hope you find what works for you.
if I have the pl;ace to myself at least I can yell, but I hardly ever do, and even then I have to worry about it cuz it's a small place and my dad's always telling me to be quiet or he's gonna call the police, or that they could evict me. that's why I keep thinking maybe I should just be homeless? at least I can yell and no one cares, oh it's just a crazy homeless lady. but if youre housed and you yell and scream, oh, ppl think it's the worst thing in the world. and I already look and smell like a bum anyway, cuz I never have clean clothes or blankets, and I can hardly shower cuz I always have to work around *someone*'s schedule (who doesn't even work either).
I mentioned before how I was trying to get the money to get police reports for my disability claim, and how no one would help me as usual, so I asked some guy online I was talking to and he turned into an ahole and started insulting me and disgusting things. so that just pissed me off even more, this F*ing society that treats females like objects or F*ing garbage disposals, that they think they can just insult and shame just cuz they don't act how they want them to. so I asked for money, so what? a simple no would suffice. it really shows what vile creatures they are that they think they can talk to women like that on dating sites. so it just pissed me off more that ppl think they can get away with it. the kicker is the POS reported ME!!! when he was the one hurling disgusting insults. well, I finally found out who the POS is. since the dumbass gave me his phone number, I used one of those reverse lookup things. they make you pay to get their name and stuff, but it was only $1 for a trial lol, and it was SOOOOOOO worth it. I have his address, family members, and profiles where he is (or was) get this -- a real estate agent!!! It doesn't look like he's active, but idk if that's something you can just start doing again. he said he worked with ppl w/disabilities, which is why I originally wanted to find out and alert his employer, since I'm sure they would like to know that someone so vile and with so little self-control is working with disabled ppl. so now I feel a bit better knowing who he is and that I can expose him, and that ppl can't get away with that. I haven't even been back on the dating site cuz I don't wanna see his disgusting face if he's still there, and the site seems to cater to men and let them get away with that. but now that I have all his information, it will be so sweet to drop that bomb on his ugly ass face and remind him that nope, you're actually not smarter than I think you are, hahahaha. as soon as I find his current employer, it's christmastime lol. which shouldn't be too hard since I have his name and what kind of place he works. so I guess that's my anger channel, lol.
oh and I also didn't have a picture or name or any identifiable information on my account, so it's not like he could find me.
Hope the anger channel you are pursuing works for you.
One night I almost lost my crap in the middle of the supermarket because the lady wouldn't let me load my groceries and at one point she had me pinned to the counter. I almost threw everything down and told them to back off and I'd get my groceries somewhere else. But I kept it in check. Barely.
once years ago I was checking out and this new girl says "are you ok? youre just staring at the screen." um, yeah...I'm trying to make sure everything rings up correctly... I wanted to go tell CS about her unprofessionalism, but didn't want to deal w/it and they'd probably just stare and act like I was the problem, as usual. but thankfully that was the first and last time I ever saw her - hopefully she got fired. that's why I go later and use the self-checkout.
another time I was shopping and some group of teenage punks threw a ball from the upstairs area and it went right by me where I was shopping, in the frozen foods. almost hit me in the face. people are a**holes.
when I was younger and in school, I'd go in the bathroom too just to get away from ppl and have some privacy. then one time I came out and this girl balked "you didn't wash your hands!!" uh yeah, cuz I was just stretching and trying to relax w/o ppl like you staring at me and commenting on every.thing.I.do. once again, ppl suck.
The biggest thing about anger and anxiety is to step back, stop, pause, and breathe.
Focus on the task to be completed. Pull out the sound(s) that soothe the level to where you can manage to be present in the moment.
When someone asks a question that shows 'concern', I smile and say something general that acknowledges their question. Often, they are checking to see if there's a mistake you notice so it can be taken care of.
Food shopping is an activity that should be enjoyed. I do everything I can to make it pleasant so that the little things that affect my well-being are easier to manage in comfort.
Washing clothes, Pick a time and do them. Rather than arguing, just state calmly and quietly that you are doing the clothes to keep clean.
Take care of your well-being quietly and calmly.
Best wishes as you find your better balance.
for some reason it won't let me accept your friend request. :(