It all started when i went to high school, i found my best friend. Let's call her Alice, we were a really good friends, we used to hangout, we used to tell each other ours secrets, we helped each other. Just things that best friends do. Then we started to talk with another classmates let's call him Alex, and his girlfriend. We were a really super group of friends. But as time goes, i found out that Alex's girlfriend don't like me, and she was so jealous on me, because i was super close with Alex, i never in my life had friend like him. He really helped me, he was there for me. But i was so stupid and me and Alice started to talk bad about them. I really don't know why i did that. I regret it so much. But they didn't know that we were talking bad about them until me and Alice had an big arguement. It was because she found a new friend that was really bad for her, she missed school, she failed on test, she was so arogant at the time. So i was trying to tell her that. But she told me, that she was never my friend, that she was never on my side and she tells everyting to Alex how i used to talk about them. Then she left school. I was so alone at the time, my mental state was so bad. I felt wery lonely, i used to cry all day and all night, i stopped going to school. Now it's almost a year and i am still thinking about it, every single day, I miss Alex he was someone I never had, he was so special for me. And I am so sorry for what happend. I tried to talk to him, and to explain him that i really regret what happed, and that i really changed over the year, that i am not the bad person anymore. But i feel like he still doesn't want to talk with me. Or maybe his girlfriend is telling him to not to talk with me i don't know. But i don't know what to do. I don't want to think about it for the rest of my life, every time i see him i feel so bad, and so anxious. I really miss the memories we used to have and eveything. I don't know i am so scared to trying to reach him again, i feel so weak, and it will be really embarrasing. I am so scared that he will laugh at me, or he will be ignoring me. I was hoping that i will get over it, but I am not. I am scared that i will have a problem to find new friends, and live normal life. Over the year i really changed, like really. I am not the person i used to be anymore. I am sad that they don't want to see the new me. I know that it was my mistake, that i was talking bad about him. But I am feeling so sorry for what happend. And i want him to know that. I just dont know if he want to know. I Know that you are probably thinking that i am so stupid, but its really something that bother me.

I don't even know if someone will read that, or will help me.But i needed to get it out of me. Thank you.