Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
1. Problems getting to a wonderful function My son and a close friend have a golf outing.
It's a wonderful day, golf for me, lunch and a nice dinner for everyone, the ladies put together games, a group of friends and parents we've known for years socialize and its a great music show afterwards. This was to be a special year for as people participated, as son and his two brothers (living in miles away) were to come and play with me. Surprisingly my wife was on board telling a friend and my son early in the week she'd be there. My son emailed me the night before asking they she not be late and try to show up at 11.
Things first seemed good, got a good night's sleep, had breakfast, she mentioned timing and I was working to help her get ready and problems started developing. I suggested she take a shower, but she procrastinated and stayed in bed or walking around till 11, finally took her shower and would not get dressed, finally picked out something, got her lunch home instead, and asked her to put her shoes on. Then the insecurities came on, I look terrible, told her to the dress looked fine, and now we're close to 1. Please, get dressed, please get dressed, and I was getting more and more stressed and annoyed and said the obvious, why can't I have one F-ing day of a nice day in comfort, you will have a nice day, with your 3 children, why can't you get ready.
Complained, and then finally got to the facility, after an hour relaxed, we invited her to follow us on the course, and it was a truly wonderful day. She smiled throughout the day, was happy and in a nice mood, and enjoyed seeing her children, her one son perform musically, and talking with her friends But why did she have to create a problem about going. One might suggest I leave without her, and I am considering that for other things, but here that would have been a mistake, this was a wonderful function and leaving her alone would be like missing a birthday or special anniversary.
2. Friend's comments
She has a close friend whose husband is neurologically disabled. We've helped them a good deal; at parties the ladies would gather in the friend's living room and her husband and I would watch TV. We invited them to stay for 3 weeks while their house was getting built.
They've been close and the friend has been supportive. Her friend has endured a lot, while others are talking about trips and retirement, she is talking about diapers and continuing medical problems at the nursing home she visits twice a week to see her husband.
We invited her over for dinner with my son and after a couple of hours, she told my wife, you're not getting any better and you don't look good, you didn't shower or wash your hair today, you didn't put any makeup and looked like you just slapped that dress on.
But criticism is not a solution and I'm not sure that helped. Should I tell the friend.
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
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Look at what my best friend did with my picture!
I guess all you can do is figure that things will be unpredictable. And not be surprised or thrown off, when she acts the ways she does.
I don't know why her friend would say such things. That sounded pretty rude, but is that how they talk to each other maybe. How did your wife take what her friend said?
Her friend is usually nicer with effusive compliments, love the dress, etc. That said, she's a teacher and has become somewhat regimented and has a busy schedule, up at 6, exercise 2 days a week, school till 4, 2-3 days a week visiting her husband, fixing his dinner, addressing medical and other issues. I find her less patient and more regimented. She is frustrated with my wife, and sometimes says she lost a good friend.
The golf outing is a fund-raiser for her husband's disease and we have raised over $100,000. Perhaps she feels that she can tough things out, and others should do the same. I have tremendous respect for the way she approached her husband's debilitating neurological disease, she's in a good mood at parties, smiling, and sympathizing with people's sometimes trivial stories, they were supposed to honor the coupon but said it wasn't covered so I has to pay 4 dollar extra, oh- my husband just had his 4th fall and will have cerebral surgery.
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I guess bottom line, I don't think comment like that help, and perhaps can continue my wife's poor self-image of herself now. Thinking of the best way to tell her friend that.
Thanks for taking the time to write. .
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If you want to confront the friend now, that is up to you. I guess just say that "you and your wife are working on some things right now with regard to getting her (health or mental health) squared away and we so very much appreciate your support and kindness during this time".
This says it without pointing out the specific incident. If the friend asks What do you mean... then you can point out what happened with her comments at the dinner.
I think this is better than right away coming at the friend with Why did you say this and this about how she looked, etc. Try to soften the blow and be more general, as I wrote above. No one likes to feel attacked. Good luck.
I think you could use this as an opportunity to connect with the friend and share how much your wife has been struggling with self image as part of her mental health issues. Maybe it would help you both to be able to just talk.