Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hiya everyone this message is kind of a combination of me venting and also seeking advice regarding a situation. I initially met someone online via a friend app who was looking for friends. At the time I was living with my parents and I felt very alone, to visit this person and chat became a form of escape but as time passed i realised they have alot of undelt with problems plus personality wise they don't think fully about other people and push bounaries quite a lot.
Initially this didn't bother me as I had no association with it but I then, through offering advice, got invovled in the sense that I wanted to help them which then meant that I took on alot of their problems (which I didn't need as I have my own).
I realised I no longer enjoyed their company as I felt more relaxed at home than when talking to them plus when ever our interactions finished I would feel drained and I realised that they were quite demanding as a person.
Examples would be that if they visited my house it would get to the point where I would have to ask them to leave and even when visiting their house they would ask me to stay longer. Initially I believed it was because they were lonely but it gets to the point where they didn't even think about how the other person felt, even after establishing a boundary they would try and push it and need a reason for you to want to go home or for them to leave. Initially I thought it was because they couldn't read the room but I have openly established bounaries and they insistently try to push them and its tiring.
One aspect that tipped me over the edge was that I had arranged a time to meet them and they outwardly said that it wasn't long enough and wanted more time, they even told me I was spending too much time with my family.
On top of that they have racial issues which I don't want to be around and negative mentalities regarding relationships where they deem it ok to see someone who is clearly in a relationsihp with another person. Their overall mentality is inconsiderate and selfish from my experience.
They have also claimed that I am their therapist and I have openly told them I am not and they need to go see a professional.
I've reduced contact with them but I'm contemplating whether or not to just clean break it off. Any time they talk to me I feel angry because the way they talk is focussed on only their needs and I feel this pressure as if I am in the wrong for doing my own thing.
The thing is that they have already said that a lot of people have left in the past and from my experiences I understand why. I want to help but they just take, take, take and wonder why people dissapear.
I've openly said that I'm going through a tough time right now with my own mental health and they have asked when I can arrange a call. It's very hard to explain via reading this text as it can seem like a nice geasture but the message clearly shows that they want to call for their own needs rather than a middle ground, give and take situation. They have shown no sympathy regarding what I'm going through and yes they don't have to but how can they then expect me to want to call them if its not a supportive friendship?
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As I been working on quitting smoking. I got the prescription I finish it today. But I find it only seems to work at 1st reducing cravings its also suppose to help with anxiety it only made the anxiety worse for me. I finished my last pack on Friday and figured that's it no more.I got my online smoking cessation program online starting Tommorow.I know I'm going to have cravings to smoke because I...
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I made a new friend like this once. At first it was nice to meet someone with so much in common. But then it was the nonstop calls, the late calls, coming to me with their life or death emotional needs...and this was all less than 2 months knowing this person. I wanted to be a caring person, but I felt engulfed and I barely know this person.
I think you have to look out for yourself. I would also suspect that this person often finds a willing friend...and tries to squeeze them as much as they can. All the while playing the victim when you want space, your own needs taken care of, and time away.
Claiming that you are their therapist...is not a good sign. I had a friendship like this...and she needed more help than I can give. She found a boyfriend and latched on to him with all her needs. Watching what was happening with him was an eye opener for me.
I think you should just continue to express that you are going thru your own mental health issues. That you aren't in the mental head space to help or listen and that you are considering professional help, and you suggest the same for your friend.
A good friend can understand this.
Truthfully I got kinda worried that I had said something which people didn't agree with or upset them and ignored the post. :')
It is sad because I did want to be friends with them but I feel that they're not willing to self reflect and deal with their problems in a healthy way.
Last time I spoke to them, they had broken up with their 'partner' (The person who is seeing someone else while they are the side relationship for 5 years ) and for all I know, because I'm not there they've then latched back onto that abusive relationship. At the end of the day though many people have told them and shown them that they aren't a nice person and its their choice at the end of the day.
I've replied to their message expressing my sympathy for their situations because even though its repetitive I can respect that it still upsets them and I hope they find the strength to get help.
I've also expressed to them that I don't want to call at this point in time so time will tell what their reaction will be, though I anticipate them telling me that I am not there for them when they really need me.
At the end of the day it is what it is and time will tell whether or not a friendship can be rekindled but it's not looking likely at this point.
Thanks again Lavender for the advice <3
Communicating via text is so hard. Everything gets taken out of context and it’s easy to fill in our own perceptions.
I personally believe the firmer the better in these situations. I think sometimes people who are needy or manipulative will look for any opening. So don’t mince words, don’t fret about trying to be polite. I’d argue to not mention anything about your own issues right now. They will take that as you are in it together. Nope. Just say it’s best you step away from the relationship. And don’t respond to their response. If you need to, block their number. I know... it seems harsh but this is not a real friendship from where I am standing.
Yeah that's the unfortunate thing as I fell it isn't really a proper friendship either. I have left a message currently which provides the opportunity to be thoughtful and understanding and it's looking like they may intend on ending the relationship themselves as they now clearly read the message and don't respond straight away (which is something they have said they would do intentionally in a passive aggressive manner). At my end I have kept it very short and brief and clearly state that my problems are my own and have not gone into any detail as I don't want it to be used as ammunition in any form.
I await to see what happens but I am also coming to the conclusion myself that it is ok to end this relationship as it isn't beneficial to me mentally.
Thank you again for taking the time to respond :)
When a negative person continues their negative behavior to the point it affects how you want to respond, you're choosing the right path in stepping back.
Recognizing what actions have brought the situation to this point is important in healing your feelings, emotions, thoughts, and words associated with the person and the 'relationship'.
Excellent work on your part! Best wishes as you find your better balance.
You were asked to put up with abusive, neglectful, or toxic behaviors in a family...and taught to try harder, look the other way, or love more.
You become groomed to please the unpleasable in your current life and future relationships.
It's good that you are seeing these patterns right now. Growing up in these types of home makes us doubt our decisions, even if they are the healthy ones. Like laying down boundaries with draining people.
You start to think...maybe I should be nicer, start feeling guilty for creating boundaries...then second guess yourself...like you will need others to tell you what you are doing is ok (toxic families make you self doubt all actions that actually are healthy for you.).
I grew up in a home where we tip toed around my narcissistic father and his mood. We had to act a certain way, not bring up certain subjects, pretend that that didn't happen, and present a happy normal family front. We basically suppressed our needs, boundaries, and happiness ...b/c his feelings were more important than ours.
In actuality...it was our mom training us...b/c it was easier to control us...that him. It takes alot of ah-ha moments, and learning to trust yourself again to break free from these childhood training patterns.
You are not responsible to save, rescue, keep afloat anyone who is hell bent on destroying their own boat.
Sending you light and love!
Think about your well being. You need to put yourself first.
Keep positive people in your life and you will be in a better frame of mind.
Good luck! You got this.
I think you handled yourself well. Good job!!!