I had a pretty unapreciative ex before, if you have talked to him and he's ignored you then that is cruel to you.
I'll share my story with my ex with you since its sort of relevant.
One day I called my ex to confront him about how he was treating me and he said "guess who is ruining this relationship!?"

I replied "..you!" and hung up, last word I ever said to him. I have no idea where that courage came from, and it was hard not to call him back and say sorry but I stuck to my guns and followed through feeling happy after a few weeks.

Let him leave, then. Put your well-being first, and do things for yourself. Make some plans without inviting him, and do them.

He has a comfort zone with you, and you are not going to change the way he thinks, so you change the way you think, and when he complains, remember, it is his choice, his problem, not yours.

Bell has a great suggestion, and it works.

Whatever you decide, best wishes!

It is really tough when we try to talk to someone about anything and they don't listen or just cut us off. I know this was frustrating to me in the past. I couldn't get a word in and when the person walked away and locked themselves in the bathroom or left to the bar, I got even more upset. I feel the silence you are experiencing is making everything so much worse. And he IS abusive. I have had someone say because they didn't hit me they are not abusive. That is a lie.

I honestly don't want to tell you what to do but look at it this way. Are you married? If not, would you want to spend the rest of your life probably not being heard?

You deserve to be heard and have your feelings validated and trust me, when you do, you will notice such a difference. I am now in a much better relationship and it has to be the biggest breath of fresh air I have had in a long time.

This sounds exactly like my ex years ago. He would have to always get his way and did the whole silent treatment thing and would always drop plans with me to go somewhere else and never make time for us. He said we needed to break up and i would have to move out and i went back becuz i wanted to make it work and he attempted to make it work and i ended up finding out he was cheating on me and i threatened to move out and he laughed and said i would never leave him. But guess what I DID! I have allowed someone into my life that is my best friend and now we are engaged and could never be happier.

Obviously this guy does not sound like a nice person and is manipulative. YOU are the only one that can change this unless some magic genie will change him (which prob wont happen.) You deserve better and the choice is in your hands. Make room for a better guy in your life.

Thank you all for helping sort through these feelings. I know in my heart its not right what he does to me. Why I keep thinking I love him and keep returning to the same situation is beyond me! I don't even understand myself and every time I ask myself why did I do it again? I don't even have an answer. Maybe I am so desperate to be loved? What could make me believe someone who does this to me love me? What is wrong with me?

Not sure if you're married or not, but my husband treats me the same way. He is very controlling and manipulative, has problems communicating, and when he gets mad, he can say the meanest things! I always give in to whatever he wants, whatever he says. I wish I had more of a back bone. But when I DO, he makes me feel guilty like I did something wrong! Then i start thinking and believing what he says is true. He, himself, add HUGELY to my anxiety and depression. Yet....I cant let go...
Talk to me anytime...

This makes me go back in time to my marriage and past relationships. I swore I'd leave before I got in these relationships, if anything like this happened. But I stayed. A friend shared this saying-
"Never chase love affection or attention. If it isn't given freely it isn't worth having"
And no I don't think it's love. It's control. Love is supposed to be compassion, caring and acceptance, caring .
You are under his spell of control. it was hard to leave my relationships and I did at the last moment when I knew that they were dangerous for me. You could ask yourself, is this what I need? want?
I feel for you.
I have been there and it's damaging to your self esteem, and to your logic and ability to see it how it is. Best of luck on figuring this out.

It took me twelve years to leave my sons father who got more and more violent till one day he strangled me. I think sometimes I feel this is not physical so its not as bad. But I feel as bad as when I was physically abused many times. Really emotionally its not any different. My son talked to me last night saying do you think you are going to feel good and be happy if you stay with him? I told him I don't think so and I don't know why I feel I need this man. I don't know and my son says he is not going to change and he is always attentive at first but once he gets comfortable again that he has me back he will stop doing the nice things and he won't treat me well again. I know my son is right. My son is 17 by the way....he is smarter than mom already! He said he has seen me do this since he was 9 years old and he has seen him change a little but very little then it wears off. I see that too how he will be good to me for a period of time then he will change back to his regular self and disregard my feelings usually out of anger because I speak up for myself. A lot of it is lack of communication if I discuss any problem we encounter or try to resolve any issue. He is fine as long as everything I say is superficial and has not feeling tied to it.

Radrm ~ This is a highly abusive/toxic relationship on both ends. You are co dependant on him and he keeps reeling you back in and playing on your emotions.
My suggestion is to leave him FOR GOOD....NO GOING BACK.... and seek couseling for yourself. You have repeating behaviors of going back for more abuse and you are the only one who has the power to stop it. He is not the only fish in the sea and yet you run back to him and wast a lot of precious time and energy trying to see if he will change. You can't change anyone but yourself!!! He (or anyone) only treats you the way you ALLOW them to!
Again.....get counseling for yourself to help you with your self esteem and to work on YOUR issues of abuse from the past.
You deserve better!

You wonder why you do this to yourself. You feel you are not worthy of a healthy relationship and it's better than being alone. You need to stand up for you and even if it hurts it will only be short term. This isn't healthy for your son to see either of how you let men treat you. You continue to go back to you so you are allowing his behavior to happen. If you choose to leave you will then respect yourself enough to say no more. Think about it. Do you want to spend another 5 years miserable. I bet this would help your anxiety tremendously. Staying in this environment does not help your health. Best to you!

You are doing the dance of "walking on eggshells" with your abuser....this means as long as you watch what you say or how you say it, all is calm. Usually that doesn't last long as the other shoe drops and the honeymoon is over. The honeymoon period comes right after the big blow up. Everything is great and the abuser is all "wonderful" and may go as far as treat you like a queen or buy nice gifts to keep you sucked in. Many times the abuser will apologize and make a promise it will never happen again. Just ask them if they will go for counseling and they will deny there is a problem or if you would just "behave yourself" he wouldn't have to yell, etc.
Your abuser will convince you that you are the problem. He will twist information around or deny he did something, etc. You begin to feel like you are crazy or making things up.....
This is called "gaslighting" and is a tactic to keep you sucked in.

Your son sounds like a wise young man, but I warn you....what you are showing him.....he WILL repeat becuz he doesn't know anything different and the fact is he is being programmed to abuse (this is how the cycle of abuse continues).
It's time YOU step up and break the cycle of abuse and get you and your son help. Denial doesn't help either of you. If you don't have the money for counseling seek out a shelter for battered women in your area or in a neighboring area, through a mental health hotline, or through your local police department.
It will take time, is very scarey, but it will help reduce your anxiety level.
Plz believe me, the abuse will escalate to a more violent abuse if you do nothing (you know this from your past relationship). I am also speaking from my own experience. I am one of the lucky ones to escape with my life. However, it has wreaked havoc on my childrens lives and my son now mimic his fathers behavior even though we had a long talk that that is not how he should treat women. Now he refuses to get help and is destroying other ppls lives.....and so the cycle goes on when it could be stopped!!!!!!
Plz.......don't delay.....leave this man, do not look back, and get the help you and your son depserately need!!!!!!!!!!

My ex was the same way when it came to what he could do and i couldn't do. my ex was emotionally abusive to me, cheated on me, he was charged iwth assault towards me. No matter what i did wasn't good enought. Finally I put my foot down and left. It was really hard to not want to run back into his arms a few days later when he pulled his sweet talk. But you have to put that sweet talk aside and remember how miserable you are wtih him and how miserable he makes you feel. I had to do this, in order to move on. Just remember the grass is greener on the other side.

In the same boat, after 30years, it's finally come to the point where I have the strength to say" so long". So I have a plan, I am working on me, living for me, and loving for me!

Just know that once you make your decision to leave that your abuser will "up the antics". At first they may be sweet as apple pie and beg you to come home....even produce tears. The best thing to do is go "no contact." Change your phone # if you are able. If you have to stay in touch becuz of having children, do so only by e-mail. Save them if necessary to give to your lawyer in case you need a restraining order, etc.
The abuser wants you to keep contact with them so they can play on your emotions (tears, begging, telling you they have changed.....etc.).
Seek immediate counsel by consulting with a lawyer and speak to your husband ONLY through your lawyer. Stay strong and keep focused....it's a long road, but worth your freedom.
Keep close contact with a/your therapist as your lawyer won't give a crap about what your husband is doing to you and he/she is busy trying to get what is best for you (first consult is free). Get tons of support through family and friends. I guarentee your abuser will try to make your life a living hell once you show him you are serious and things will get worse for awhile.
If you have a chance, squirrel money away and DON'T tell him about this fund. Play your cards close to your chest and become the best actress you can....your escape is depending on this.
I was held hostage for 24 years and when my small window of opportunity opened (this meant I had to stay vigile) I grabbed it immediately and I have not looked back.
My life is a trillion times better and even though the first year was difficult (he cut me off financially and turned our kids against me)....I have survived. I did EVERYTHING my lawyer told me to do and only contacted my now ex through my lawyer only....I live very comfortable (I waived maintanance so I could be free), but my lawyer got me 65% of the marital assets (properties) that pay for themselves.....this is becuz I kept focused and away from my ex.
Best of luck to all those trying to escape abuse. It is not easy, but worth it!