Try different things. I had disabling migraines, bottom blood pressure number would cross 100. My doctor recommended blood pressure medication and it largely corrected the problem.
I also went through a wife with breast cancer and chemotherapy, it was difficult, change in shape of breasts turned out to be not that big a deal for me, you love the person you're with, but there are some significant mood changes which can be hard. I can only say you do have to try to be strong and it will work out.

Thanks for the response. I don't care the shape of the breasts, either. The cancer is at month 2 (now is radiation) but is only the most recent disaster in a comically long list worthy of a shitty made for tv fiction. My ability to hide my anxiety is becoming less and less effective. I have been on meds for 3 weeks and don't have the energy to experiment with new drugs. I still have to work while my wife stays at home with the kids and have been struggling to not feel guilty about where I am and what I am doing (or not doing) at any given moment.

Hello Bingo. Welcome to DS. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. For my own psycho nickel, even when my Hubby is in top form, he still makes a lousy therapist and/or therapy supporter. May he never have the ability to detach far enough nor have the strictly personal insights for either job. I wouldn't wish the personal insights of living with anxiety syndromes on anyone, much less the love of my life. Triple so when he is in crisis.

Leaning heavily on my therapy support network is far more effective in my own anxiety management. This very forum is one of the more effective nodes in my therapy support network. I hope you'll feel safe venting and sorting your anxieties here so that you can be more fully there for her.

Welcome aboard. I hope you find stabilizing companionship here.

Well said Arfie. Peace to you bingo.

Welcome to the anxiety board at DS.

You've taken the important first step in writing it out.

This board is full of people who will support you, give you encouragement, and provide you with understanding.

When dealing with medical conditions that are life serious, it's so important to remember as a care giver to take care of you first, so you have the energy, ability, and balance to be calm in the care giver arena.

That means no guilt for taking 'you' moments. They can keep you in balance, give you relief from the roller coaster up/down, sideways moments that are part of the experience.

Thanks for the kind words. I really can't get time "for myself" and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. Things need to get done. The roof caved in in the spring and during the repair process, I realized the new house has bats. Not inside, but in between the fascia and siding. I see a few here and there and stuff bounce sheets up there because, internet. I also build a bat house because, kids.
Anyhoo, it's BS. I still hear them from in the garage as I leave for work at 4am. Now It's 100 degrees and I worked in the hot shop all day. I come home, grab some cans of great stuff, and climb the ladder. I can hear some moving around in there. So I get down quickly and grab my pressure washer. I thoroughly spray the area and a few leave. I then get my roof rake and bang on the fascia. A couple more leave And I keep banging... Nothing. In my dumb head, I'm thinking, "Well, that should do it" and ascend the ladder once more and begin to spray the shit out of the gaps. This was picturesque poor decision making. As the foam expands in the gaps, all of a sudden, a fucking HOST of bats flee the fascia right in my face. Yes, like in the movies. I fell backwards off the ladder into a bush.
That's not the end of it, though you would think so. As a bonus, 2 bats became trapped in the expanding foam which is a HELLOVA strong adhesive when wet. So now I have dying bats stuck to my house. And I mean STUCK! my 12 year old daughter comes out after hearing the racket and is sobbing about the dying critters. I can't get them free with a stick. They screech in pain/terror when I try. I put gloves on and try to pull them out. I realize they aren't coming out in one piece and send my daughter in the house. Very un-pleasant things followed. That was my yesterday. How was yours?

People keep telling me perspective is everything. That if my attitude was better, everything will be better. Hearing this makes me furious! My fuckin perspective doesn't change the fact that in the last 4 years this family has dealt with: my life threatening emergency surgery took me out of work for 4 months, a house fire, socio-political unrest, a suicide attempt, a job change, covid, a move, a roof cave in and finally, the cancer.. aside from your standard regimen of life shit-sandwiches. I feel like we are good, decent folks and am unsure why the universe is sniping us so badly. I SERIOUSLY doubt it has anything to do with my cynical attitude.

Writing it out releases the tension within your brain. You've handled a lot of stressful life changing events in a short period of time.

I take a moment in front of the mirror to praise myself when life is full of activities that need to be done.

The thing with the bats, you did the best you could with the information you had available at the time. The foam stopped you from getting bit. Your daughter is going to react emotionally, you have to focus on getting the job done of removing the bats. I hope you succeeded.

It's easy for people to say words, very hard for people to follow them. I would say you are handling this whole experience with a lot of unexpressed words, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and here you will find support as you recover your balance, adjusting as you move through each of the challenges you face.

I love her, but I feel resentment towards my sick wife. We are all trying our best.
She's always been a busy body. She can't sit still ever. Sthis hasn't changed since the cancer- She can't stand when the floors don't get vacuumed every day and many other things. Things need to get done, but I feel angry that she's adding a ton of un-necessary stress to the rest of the family including our 12 yr old. We are basically forced to do all the things she wants or she "will do it". It's hard to not view it as blatant emotional manipulation. This includes ridiculous things like moving furniture and climbing ladders, and other things that could probably just wait. My daughter is not perfect. She's 12. And she is constantly getting hammered. When I'm at work she absorbs most of it. And that makes me un-comfortable. Her behavior has generally been stellar given her age and expectations. Her 7 yr old brother is a constant pain in her ass all day long. He's a typical 7 yr old boy. He is always on top of her, grasping for attention with insults, punches and kicks. Since covid, she has had too much responsibility I think.
Wife worked from home and kids schooled home for over a year. I never stopped working, so Annie was the one taking care of things mostly. I'm angry that I feel the need to reinforce my wife's sometimes obnoxious demands on her. I find myself being a full time disciplinarian instead of a father.

Love is a complex weave, Bingo. This week finds me raging at my son for having died and neglecting his responsibility in having left 3 young orphans on their own. HOW DARE HE! ! ! Yeah, they have Hubs and I, but? ? ? I'm 67 and not feeling over-fit for a second parenting career, even without the added demands of Coronaville. What's logic and justice got to do with it? The heart goes where it goes. Processing. . .

I buy that notion that perspective is everything. I don't see the world as it is. I see the world as I am. When I want to change the world, I change my perspective, but that is purely an inside job. Strictly personal. Other people's opinions on the subject only muddy the proverbial waters. My proverbial waters are already muddy enough, thank you kindly. Please step lightly while crossing my psychic streams. Rocks of rightness in a cesspool only splash up lots of shit.

Gentle support while you determine exactly where, when, how and if to tweak your own perspectives. That be quite allot to sort.

Oh my god. I read peoples' stories here and am heartbroken i can't help. I'm a mess.

It’s the human condition. All people suffer at times. Bearing witness to that is a form of help and support.