Keep writing it out. Be positive when speaking with him.

This is NOT his problem. So, leave it out of the conversation. Take the time to separate your feelings and approach it as a way to move forward.

You start doing your anxiety as a helper for your well-being and take control of the thoughts to put them into positive direction.

I don't put it in our conversations it is all the conversations I have in my head. I try to keep him away from my issues but he keeps asking about my appt and says I seem distant

So work on connecting and being with him in the moment and separate the appointment and thoughts (put them on the back burner).

Yes I am doing that Mid I just trying to manage the overthinking is exhausting me

Mid I gave anxiety and depression I know my anxiety is high but my depression is making me feel like impending doom. Like I feel my life is going to crash and just horrible feeling. What can I do I try meditation and some Journaling but I feel a bit out of control but trying to stay in control at same time.

Just a different thought. What if all the anxiety about your boyfriend isn’t about your self esteem or being good enough but simply you being unsure of your feelings for him and not ready to be in an intensely serious relationship with him yet? Feeling that way is not abnormal nor a bad thing.

Maybe you are depressed and anxious about it because everything in your being is telling you it might not be right for you or you are not ready, and you aren’t comfortable feeling that it’s not right or you are not ready.

So all the other stuff about being alone forever and not deserving anyone... what if that is the lie you tell yourself to cope with feeling unsure about him?

I don’t obviously know if that’s the case but man, wouldn’t it be a relief to
just think, well I feel this way because I’m not ready vs I feel this way because he doesn’t deserve me and I have no self worth.

I don’t have a lot of experience with depression but I wonder if the anxiety will lessen once the depression is better managed? Do you discuss your depression with your therapist? Could it be a matter of switching up medications?

My meddling reflexes want to encourage you to keep the focus on that amazing step of buying your first house by yourself. That evolution is far more exciting to my ears than yet another round of romantic diversion, but I confess I am not much of a romantic. I'm always the first one to leave the circle when the women folk start the inevitable romance talk.

I opine that if the man can't wait supportively until the house-buying process is complete, you are better off without him, even if he has a stellar career and stability of his own.

Just opining. . . It remains yours to sort and decide.

Gentle support while you sort.

I like how your meddling reflexes think, Arfie.

No that would not be better rmb because I think this man is wonderful and I will loose out on a wonderful thing because of my anxiety and depression and insecurity issues.

Sorry I know you are taking it out with me but my heart is hurting g because of this conflict. I love this man and I have thought all the things you all are saying but none of it feels right good bad indifferent... patience I know but is very hard when your mind is constantly racing in all different scenarios and my anxiety reacts

But if he’s wonderful then he will happily with support you as you work through all this stuff.

I’m sure he’s a good guy and all but by putting him on this sort of pedestal you elevate him to this magical status and then feel unworthy. He’s just a man. And you are just a woman. Simple as that.

Focus on your well being first. Focus on the house. Let those be your two main priorities. The rest will follow.

I too am not a romantic so full disclosure on that. I’m married but I know my happiness and self worth has zero to do with my husband. But I’m pretty sure it’s close to impossible to know if someone is wonderful after 2 months. Just saying.

For what it's worth
My own thoughts get downright psychotic and untrustworthy when they are racing and chain-reacting, especially when I'm thinking with my "little head." Did you know that a woman's "little head" (clitoris) is even smaller than a man's? I shift the focus from the subjects of the thoughts to quieting my mind as best I can. I postpone major decisions until I am confident that I am thinking straight.

I agree Arfie I don't want to make any major decisions right now I just want the anxiety to subside and I will just have to wait and be patient

And I do know it’s hard when your thoughts are racing and feeling anxious. Most of us know what that feels like here, maybe over different triggers but we get it. I get it. But I also know we don’t have to resign ourselves to it.

It is hard to redirect thoughts. I’m just trying to see if maybe you can start applying different ways to redirect your thoughts or practice different ways of thinking about it because sometimes it is habitual thinking that needs to be rattled a bit in order to start a new way of thinking. Is it hard? Absolutely. Can it be done? Absolutely. Just hoping something clicks for you so you can stop torturing yourself.

People are on your side. I know you are hurting.