It sounds like she may benefit from seeing a psychiatrist. Maybe you should also talk to someone like a therapist who can help you process how you’re feeling.

I assume all this has been relayed to the psychiatrist? It is not common but entirely possible to suffer delusional thinking with anxiety and depression. However it sounds like your wife is suffering from more than just A & D. At this point, you are the man of the house and need to establish firm rules with the wife, especially when it come to your job. As for extra curricular activities, I suggest you stand firm there as well. Giving in to her whims does neither of you any good. Just my opinion.

I appreciate the thought mtd but how do you set rules. Let's say I tell her, we going to go, and then she changes her mind and refuses to go. How do I make her.

Others have suggested that I just leave periodically but its hard to leave her alone. Once I pushed her to keep a psychiatrist's appt, he adjusted medication, and after leaving her alone for 10 minutes, she threw all her medicine away and then threw all most of her clothes on the floor and broke most of the hangars. She developed a temper she never had.

Setting rules for adults is not that easy, particularly for someone who didn't set too many for my kids.

After an episode, she may tell me she loves me an hour later, and then I discuss my frustration, and we talk. But the calm, and cooperative person then may disappear later.

Its hard for her too, and she says she wants her old self back and may say she never used to do these things which is correct.

I'd take a video recording of these incidents.

That's the evidence she needs to see to acknowledge it's coming from her, no one else, and only she can choose to try treatment to help her find the balance again.

Otherwise, you're stuck in this pattern, because you are not able to take care of you first.

I appreciate the thoughts and will consider them. She has somehow lost her ability to control herself. Some thought it was Alzheimer and her sister a stroke, but her memory is fine, (better than mine as I forget things a little). Her level of self-control has gone from around at 98 to a 20. She worked for 30 years in a tough demanding hospital environment handling demanding doctors and others, and consistently receiving outstanding reviews.

She was a self-less mother and wife, and her level of complaining low.

Just not sure how to start with rules and guidelines at this age, and have a little worry about documenting some of her episodes. She can see 40 broken hangars that she did. We are working on getting her busier. There is a family component. Her sister had what many would see as chronic anxiety but now working, she is doing much better.

When it comes to work you can set rules. It’s your lively good. No impromptu rides to nowhere, etc. No interruptions when you need to work. That’s not so hard to do. As to leaving her alone, a few broken hangers and clothes on the floor doesn’t fit the criteria of being a danger to herself. Sounds more like a snit fit. As for the meds, take them in your possession, if she has a fit, let her have a fit. Coaxing her to want to do better isn’t working. That’s where tough love comes in. She either wants to get better or not. It is ultimately her choice and you haven’t accepted this fact it seems. But you can control yourself and make changes that you feel are necessary for yourself, such as her interference in your work day. The word NO exists and you are perfectly capable of using it. The time has come for you to make changes to yourself. The coaxing isn’t working, nothing has worked. It’s causing you problems as seen in the the description you gave about losing your temper.

Women in general are moody (including myself). A woman does have her own unique intuition and takes her liberty to honor her own intuition, so don't take hers personally against you. Women have a way to change their minds in the nick of time, as they say, at the last beck and call.

And @ Bobby5000, the way you describe your wife, so lovingly, she seems like she at one point had it all together (your marriage, your family) and balanced all energies well. She may seem to be shifting gears on you perhaps as a result of burnouts or misunderstandings or just simply age...

Restful, mentioned something about seeking professional help, such as a psychiatrist in hope of a support system for both you and your wife, I think is helpful too...

Mid, mentions holding your wife accountable for her own behavior and offering her the benefits of the doubt by recording her and guiding her through the screening for a more conclusive happy result on both ends... that seems like a smart idea too.

As a woman, I sympathize with your wife Bobby, here is why... I've often woken up and realized I feel ugly externally even after working on my appearance... is something that just comes upon me... until I bring it to light... then my perception can change.

And about wanting to do things such as going for a drive from point A to point B, well... typically, if something happened between point A to point B within the seating drive... It can change last-minute plans don't you think? Women have the right to change their minds at any time...

Moving to a new home and even into a new neighborhood can be a bit overwhelming to the new tenants especially if inclusion is not offered by the landlord and or neighborhood friends. Think about it, without jumping to conclusions... Pray all is well with you and your lovely wife right now.

mtd, you always know just what to say. It is not selfish to invest in self care and get the treatment one needs to be well. Of course we love our loved ones, but we should care for ourselves first.

Thanks for the advice. Last night was difficult. We went to dinner, nice place with music, though she was nervous. She had 2 glasses of wine, didn't want to go home, I realize this is not I'm having a nice time with you but anxiety taking over. Going home worries about a police car, then a plane, then asks about a beach chair in the trunk saying that's not ours.

She asks about 4 times and each time I calmly respond that's our chair from storage, but she keeps asking like there's something going on, and I then loudly respond. It's our f-ing chair. I repeat several times, how many times do I need to tell you. I tell her I work 65-70 hours a week, spend 30 hours trying to address her health situation and I don't have time for this crap on my days off, you asked me and I responded. After we go at it, she then goes back to old Jenny, apologizes, says she did not mean to cause me stress, but I'm so geared up, cannot go to bed though she asks me to come in several times. Her behavior is then normal, calm, and collected, old Jenny, easy to get along with, and.someone who can smooth over problems.

There are probably a 100 people taking golf lessons that need help with their game, but few who can hit the ball 250 yards but choose not to, 100 kids getting math tutoring but few who could solve a trinomial equation but choose not to. She can quickly change behavior to acceptable and pleasant, doing in front of all kinds of people, but somehow won't. She still has above-average social skills which she can switch to with friends and family, though they note she switches discussion from her to them.

Two family members have suggested ketamine saying she's not getting any better and I need to realize extraordinary measures are needed, from a cousin whose mother died of undefined causes at an early age with uncured mental illness.

She has a psych appt Monday, he will probably prescribe some form of medication which she needs to take. During our argument, I said if you're really sorry, make a list of things you can do. i see her writing and working on this for 20 minutes, but then see the paper says, this is something I can correct, written 50 times over.

I told her it's hard but just go back to what you used to do.

I think if she could just “go back to what you used to do,” she would. But in my mind there is no going back, for anyone. There is just now, and moving forward and working towards wellness. I think it’s really hard to accept people have changed. I think she can get better, with the right treatment and with her accepting treatment and embracing working towards she becoming more balanced. But it might help you to accept her as she is right now. Not new Jenny or old Jenny, but just Jenny in her current chaotic state. I get how frustrated you are and you have every right to feel those feelings. You are having to learn to live with this too. It’s very hard. And I don’t think occasionally losing your composure is necessarily a bad thing. She needs to know how it is affecting you. I just think reseting expectations might be needed.

As always, I will appreciate your advice and taking the time to help. There's a clear difference in approach between people with anxiety and family members. The people in groups tell me she's changed and I need to adjust. Indeed, my wife does not like the old and new Jenny characterization.

But my wife's good friend and my son can see the dual characterization. Someone with a stroke can't move their arm, but my wife can quickly morph into normal as she did last night. And that distinguished her from for example others at her outpatient facility, where one could quickly characterize them because of their dress and manner. Yet, my wife on a good day will dress and converse appropriately showing impressive social skills, why she periodically turns that off to change to depression is still a bit of a mystery. So the old one is still there, but periodically hiding and the new one takes over and causes havoc. I think bi-polar or schizophrenic is a fair characterization. We are looking at marriage counseling for the first time in 30+ years.

If there is some kind of chemical imbalance that might explain some of her duality. I doubt she is consciously choosing to be depressed on some days. Most people aren’t choosing to have a mental illness.

Hope she is able to find her way. I think it’s great you are considering marriage counseling. It will be good for you to have some professional support.