Hello Kimowo. Welcome to DS.

In my own psychoses(pl), comparing my insides to other people's outsides is pretty high on the list of destructive habits. For starters, it is not a fair comparison. No matter how well I know another person, I don't have direct access to information on what is happening inside of them. Even if I ask specific questions and they are comfortable answering, the human psyche is a mysterious and complex weave.

In my psychotherapy sessions, we are working the theory that this quirk is a good example of a valuable talent carried destructive extremes. In my engineering and science career, comparison is a valuable tool. Not so much for when I am attempting to develop a social life while managing the psychotic symptoms which routinely isolate me. When those symptoms are raging, I feel like a nuisance to everybody and can barely hear, much less believe assurances that I welcome. Difficulty trusting others is one of those isolating symptoms.

It's not an easy psychotick to manage, but it is easier when I have emotional support from people who understand. On my good days, I can even believe them when they say they understand. Works in progress. . .

I hope to count you as one of those people who understand, Kim. United, we can heal. Welcome aboard.

I used to feel the same way as well, to the point where I would get inside my head and isolate myself from groups of friends. As Arfie said, comparing yourself to others is one of the most detrimental things that we can do. On the other hand, I completely understand it, its something I do too, and something that everyone does at some point. One thing that I try to keep in mine is that I am worth just as much as they are, and you are too. You aren't any less interesting or boring then them. Every groups needs the quiet friend, anyways. My best advice: try to think about how your friends might be insecure. What you might find is they (although to a far lesser and non-apparent sense), have the same thoughts as you.

If you don't feel like talking, how about doing some "active listening"? That is asking questions back when someone talks, and saying back what they just said. For example, if someone is talking about some great vacation trip they just took, instead of feeling bad for yourself that you aren't taking any fun vacation trips, ask the person, "Oh, that trip to Europe sounds so cool. What was your favorite part of the trip?" People really like when they feel someone is truly listening to them. People like to talk about themselves. You may even learn some interesting info about new places and new things. Just keep asking questions about what they are saying. Soon, you will be the most liked person in the group! :)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Often we compare ourselves to others and it is not healthy for us! We should see ourselves as beautiful and unique. The beauty about everyone is that we are all different and we were all made to be different! You are great just the way you are and your friends see that also:)