So I haven't been able to post for about a week, because we have been out of power. Then we didn't have internet cuz our wifi box burned out. So here I am with my brain, trying not to have a anxiety breakdown. I paced the floor, tried meditation, nothing subsided my anxiety for six days. I was never so relieved when the internet came back on and I could connect again. Don't get me wrong. Spending quality time with my partner was awesome. She made me laugh until I cried, and we talked things over. And she is my rock when I need her. Even when I don't need anyone to lean on I find myself leaning on her even more. But like a chained monster living inside my chest, my anxiety was noticable. It was there nawing at my chest. 

What was a great relief was when my partner put her arms around me and told me that I had this. That everything was going to be ok. She ran me a bath, and just pampered me on my worst night. It felt kinda good and helped my mental well being if for only a moment. But it goes to show that true love and understanding still exist in this world. 

Today though I got mad at the tv lol. I was watching a Blue Bloods episode and it was a chaos scene. Someone got shot and there was just chaos. Well in one part of all the chaos, a guy shouts out " I shot that monkey! We deserve to live in a monkey free world!" And I got pissed because what are we teaching each other if they show people saying stuff on tv. I mean I know it's fake but the words are still said and ring a hurtful tone. I just shake my head, because that's not a world I grew up in. It's not where I'm from. Back in my day we didn't say things like that, even if it was on tv. I know I got to stop watching tv and taking it so serious. I guess I just have too much time on my hands. I don't know.