Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Part of dealing with anxiety is just doing the best you can. Example. My wife has been severely anxious and depressed after seeming 30 + years of marriage and motherhood, following a bad move and dislocation. Finally in our new home, I wanted to help with new friends and saw a function at our religious group's sisterhood that we arranged to go. She's a little worried, but I persuaded her to get dressed and ready. I had gotten her new perfume and makeup a few days before, and we drove to the function. I looked forward to a couple hours on my own.
We get there, do you want me to want you in or can you go alone, I don't want to go she retorts. I calmly try to persuade her to go, and historically once she goes, she enjoys being with people and is her old self. The only real difference family notice is that she redirects questions about herself (but most people are happy to talk about themselves and what's going on in their lives).
But I cannot convince her to go while we are the place. I realize getting upset will not solve things and after 20 minutes, I say let's go. Then she wants to go out for dinner (she's already dressed up), and my initial inclination is no, I'm not rewarding anxiety and manipulation. But then, she's not happy, she's a social person, so we go. Along the way, we pay a furniture store and make some progress on furnishing our house.
Ultimately, I'm happy, not that she didn't go (that's a step back), but that I did the best I can. And realize on a given day that's the best you can do.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Your wife is manipulating to avoid social situations in general. She knows that saying no works. She also knows you will not say no to her.
Take a moment to praise yourself for choosing not to fight with her after a 1/2 hour. However, figure out something different to try next time. Eventually, you'll help your wife fight through her own way.
My wife wanted to see her sister and her niece could make arrangements for hair and nails. I said this is a bad weekend, because I have a lot of things that need to be done on (last) Monday, so we need to leave her house Sun Night. She's relaxing, I say fine let's leave very early Monday. Doesn't happen, I ask maybe 15 times, her sister says this is stressful. Then, Tuesday, Wednesday, some of the same thing, and we're still there, they ask for money to help with bills I provide it, but still, are you leaving today, her sister has work, husband asks if we're leaving I tell him I don't know, you ask my wife, well I need to know, you ask her.
Finally we leave Sunday and my wife is upset. While driving, she says I want to go back, I want to be with my sister. There's about 30 minutes of honey I know, but let's go home to your house, you'll see our son, let's try to relax to no avail and then I lose it. Do you understand they want you out! I'd like to get a day off and after helping my brother-in-law with various things, paying for multiple vacations, I have to listen to him saying, are you people still here, are you people still here!
Why don't you like my new F-ing house everyone else likes it, I've gotten multiple comments about a beautiful design, backyard overlooking the woods, 9 foot ceilings. Imagine if a man married 25 years, she tries to get nice clothes and present herself and he starts telling his wife how cute this other woman in his office is, that hurts and it hurts you don't like this house. So I'm busting my butt working 60-70 hours per week
for absolutely nothing. She has a new therapist with out of pocket costs.
I told her, I'm 65, a lot of men drop dead or have massive strokes, watch when it happens, because I have stress, then more stress, then more stress, then more stress, every Fing days there's stress, nothing gets better. Then she calms down in the car, which gets me more mad in a way, so she can calm down if she needs but I need to talk about strokes and death for that to happen. I tell her if I have a stroke or die you understand there's no turning back, you can correct things now, but you won't then.
Next day, same crap, she's in her pajamas accomplishing nothing, doesn't want to go to an estate sale to look at furniture. I tell her I am so sick of this stress every day. I tell her you can do things to make yourself better, help your children, help me, but you choose not to, but go crazy if I try to leave the house or run my life as people here suggest. Its like you're in quicksand and want me to be there too, and anytime I try to at least get myself out, you want me back there..
I had left to try to get some business done Monday and gotten an urgent, crying call, please, please come back, take me, don't leave me alone. So just living my life and staking out boundaries and my own schedule is no easy task.
Sorry, just venting and stressed. I need a vacation but in 30 years I never vacated alone. Right now, I need to get away from her, but there doesn't seem to be much interested from family or friends in having her, though she was quite popular and everyone loved her before.
No, not that, we did our shopping for the week together at the market. I really enjoyed a normal part of the day, and she could relax, and it was just as before. She said she's felt in a fog from the medicine, that could be, but it's the first she's mentioned it to me, and never to the psychiatrist.
If she wants to get off medication, that's her prerogative, but she'll have to get some better habits, and be able to deal with the stresses of life. You need medicine if you're hallucinating for example. But ultimately she needs to get some control over her life.