Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I have been dealing with OCD, anxiety, and depression for about 10 years or so. I believe I was living with them much longer than 10 years but when I got married my spouse began pointing different signs out to me. She wasn't very nice or understanding about them but at least she pointed them out. I saw a psychiatrist even though my spouse thought I should just deal with them through prayer and meeting other people at church. I have a medical background so I know some mental health issues require more than just prayer and therapy. The doctor started me on a medication and its been manageable ever since.
I am hoping someone out there may be or have experienced a problem I am having. I don't know if I can blame it on anxiety or if its just my personality. I went through a bad divorce about 5 years ago that left me with nothing including my two kids. I have one biological child and I adopted my other child when she was 2 from a previous relationship my ex had. I am certain she has some undiagnosed mental health issues which caused her to have an affair with a man 18 years older than her which eventually led to the bad divorce. My mental health issues came up during the divorce and I was given a bad shake through the whole thing. I have no history of violence or suicidal tendencies but that didn't matter. I was on a RX for depression and anxiety so I was flagged by the judge right away. I was given a terrible visitation schedule in lieu of an insurmountable amount of back child support. I haven't seen my kids in over two years as there is a real fear, not anxiety driven I promise you that, that she will accuse of me of sexual misconduct with the kids so I unfortunately had to part ways since I don't have the money to fight in court anymore.
I say all of this because I have not been able to make any friends since the divorce 5 years ago. I work as a firefighter/paramedic and get along with everyone very well but I don't have it in me to initiate any friendships. I am told quite often I have a great personality and am comfortable to be around. The only friends I have are in other states and I am very close to them. I have known one friend for over 10 years and the other has been around since middle school.
The anxiety I believe I am dealing with relates to online dating I have tried off and on for a few years. My track record has been awful with it and it always seems to end the same way. I meet someone and text them and maybe meet them once in the span of 2-3 weeks. After that they just disappear and ghost me. This has happened at least 25-30 times (not exaggerating) in the span of 2-3 years. I don't believe I am unattractive physically just a few pounds overweight and I know my personality is likeable. I became so frustrated and paranoid with this that I actually changed my phone number at the beginning of the year because I thought maybe my ex or her brother was somehow manipulating my text messages with another iPhone or computer.
The divorce sucked the life right out of me and I have a hard time finding the ability to start making friends again after what happened. The friends I did have when I was married were all met through her so when the divorce happened I was abandoned by all of them. Trying to socialize and make friends is not something that is easy for me to do these days but I am interested in trying to meet another woman and see where things go. Unfortunately, I have met more ghosts then real people and Im starting to have anxiety and paranoia over it. If I start talking with someone I look at each message I send as the last one and if they don't respond in a reasonable amount of time I assume I've been ghosted again. Such a terrible way to look at this I know lol. Anyone please feel free to chime in with your thoughts!
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I have vigorously studied ignorance of mainstream divorce/break-up dramas and don't even want to form opinions on those parts, but the sub-stresses, such as social anxiety, inter-generational conflicts and feeling like the life has been sucked out of me are Equal Opportunity Ass Kickers that have many sources and solutions.
A safe place to sort through all those issues is critical to my own anxiety management. This is one of my safe places to do so. I hope it serves you as well as it has served me.
Welcome aboard. Hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
Sort freely. Sort often.
You've done the most important first step in helping find your better balance and recovering your confidence in your social skills, knowledge, and ability.
When it comes to relationships, I strongly suggest writing in a private journal to help sort through the patterns of thoughts, emotions, feelings and expectations you experience.
You are going to make your way through this to a better social interaction, comfortable staying in touch, and learning general acquaintance with social media involvement to build a balanced communication outside of the work place.
In your job, you are a professional, with some really expansive standards. When you are off duty and in your own space, people are not going to respond, behave, or otherwise be 'professional' when they experience 'personal' differences.
You're on the right track to figuring out how to make the changes that work for your personal well-being.
With children, whether birth, adopted, or other relationship status, when you are diagnosed with mental medical condition, it often is used in court to benefit other parent for custodial and visitation. Money is finite and often lacking for long-term court battles. The only people who have success are the lawyers. The children and parents all lose.
Taking the step forward in this, keep a book of moments and times and update it. At some point, you may be contacted by the child and be able to share it with them. If not, at least you have a positive connection that no one else can take away from you.
Where accusations are made frequently and without consideration of facts, evidence, and witnesses with honor, it is better to put your well-being first and to step back.
Finding your better balance is possible. Here in this group, you'll find acceptance, support, encouragement, understanding and communication.
it's hard for me to make friends too (hence the online dating, lol.)
1. Got feedback. It can be hard, but call some of the women. Say you're very nice, but I'm not calling to go out with you, but I'd like to get some feedback about what I could do better. If you don't mind just 10 minutes, or an email, I'd really appreciate learning what I could do better and please be honest.
2. Check what you're wearing. Get some high quality clothes that are appropriate.
3. No divorce talk Sorry, but discussions about your divorce and its devastation should be very limited if at all.
4. Smile and rapport Smile, people like happy people. Read some books about establishing rapport, getting a sense of someone's rhythm, preferences, and matching them.
5. Listen and compliment Try to understand her interests, perhaps check Facebook or something else but don't be too blatant about it. Express genuine interest in learning more about her in a non-sexual way.
6. Be interested but not too, and plan Women like plans and it seems to indicate some thought. Talk about going out perhaps again, but don't come on too strong, be attentive to various cues. If you happen to mention Saturday night and she says she has an appt, withdraw a little. Maybe call 2-3 days later and just say hello.
As far as dating goes - online dating can be tough for sure. You have to be patient. It can turn out well - I met my wife on eHarmony. It took awhile. It seems like the more people have to pay for the dating site - the better off are your chances of meeting a match.
You mentioned church. Have you tried Christian singles groups? I belonged to a couple of them. One had a really good format - dinner, followed by a topical lecture (led by a Pastor), then followed by a discussion around a table of 8-10 people. People felt free to share their good and bad experiences and also talk about the lecture questions. It was a great place to find out how "everyone is in the same boat". The lectures were good confidence and character builders.using scriptures as a base. We also had weekend activities to get to know others. Be sure to Pray for God to lead you!
A good website I found is Boundless.org Lots of Christian singles messages here.
Prayers for your success in dating! God Bless!