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detachment vs. closure

arfie
arfie

the toxic mom throne is in the process of being reduced to a piece of real estate with a hot zip code. the clean out crew has been working hard since last week. 3 dumpster loads later, they are nearly ready to hand the project over to the painter/handyman. the realator lock box is already on the front door. 


when did i begin detaching from the toxic mom throne? methinks it was around the time the bubbleheaded bleach blonde made the "toxic people" fad a mainstream darling with her bestseller book in the mid 90's. my estranged son was in the process of dropping out of high school then and it is probable he picked up on the toxic people fad in it's earliest rounds. his rat sass was pretty intense by then and true to the nature of rat sass, chockful of creative/slang insults. i wouldn't have noticed yet another. it wasn't until we moved from the house he was raised in that the toxic mom honors from a 30something man sank in and i began thinking of the new house as, "the toxic mom throne." this would have been around 2016. my preference would have been to sell the place and invest the proceeds in a less inflated zip code, but hubby wasn't ready, so i detached further.


he's ready now and the works are in progress. as i continue processing the grief of the family tragedies which took place there, i find myself with a profound sense of relief and wandering wonders this is, "closure." what are the diffs between detachment and closure?


thoughts? unsolicited advice?

malibumark
malibumark
Oh Arfie this sounds really hard. You sound like you are so attached to what happened there and the place itself. Can I offer some wisdom that was offered to me? That you can look at these different times in your life like different ‘eras’ ? I know you’re processing and it takes time. It sounds like, I humbly offer, also that everything you have had in life has been so hard won that you have a hard time with changes and letting go. I hear you. Big hug to you friend. I wish there would be something for me to say about your change right now, perhaps there’s a silver lining or a flip side to looking at it all?
arfie
arfie
good wisdom, mark. this particular "era" which i am calling, "the toxic mom era" took place in two houses. the estranged, non-toxic son who dubbed me with the title was 31 when we changed houses, but the family dysfunction, a la adult child antics, moved with us. i never did find my comfort zone in the new house or the new stage for the adult child dramas.

may this be the closing of the era. at the very least, it's one less piece of real estate to keep up with. the farm we are currently sharing with our 3 orphans is quite enough to keep us busy. we don't need to be fooling with a place a 3 hour drive away.
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