Have you tried therapy? Talking about things helps release the pressure, lighten the load. Sometimes in our state of mind, things seem worse than they really are.

Depressive episodes often follow my high anxiety episodes. In my own case I believe that is often purely physical. Anxiety burns a body out to where rest is sorely needed.

However, sometimes that feeling of "just so done" isn't really suicidal ideation. When I examine the feeling more closely, I find it is certain parts of my dysfunctional behavior I am done with. Letting go time has arrived. Focusing on the behavior I am done with leads me to healing places.

But that is me and every case is unique.

Gentle support while you sort your own case. Keep venting. Your answers are in there.

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you are struggling. I know that feeling of despair. When I was going through my depressive episodes, I couldn't understand why I was struggling when I had a family, a good husband, and a great home. Depression is not something we cause, it is a chemical imbalance. You mentioned you are on medication for ADHD and bipolar. Sometimes, those medications have side effects of depression. Talk to your doctor and let him know how you are feeling. Suicide thoughts are serious and it important to seek help. Know you are special, you are important, depression is temporary and you will feel better. You can also reach out on the suicide helpline when you have those really dark thoughts. I actually had to be hospitalized for a while to be able to cope and not harm myself. I am always shocked how depression can make even the happiest person struggle. Therapy is important when you struggle with depression. Do you have a therapist? I also use these coping mechanisms of positive self-talk to help me when I spiral. It is hard to do, but is does take my focus off of the negative self-talk.

1) Accepting that healing comes from the inside out. It starts with letting go of the things of the past, forgiving and changing our focus and behavior. Becoming aware of what you need through self-care and personal nourishment. Take time for yourself - you are worth it. Like taking walks, baths, massages, mani/pedi/, listening to uplifting music/sermons and anything that makes you feel refreshed and renewed.

2) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.

3)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.

4) Emotional Freedom Tapping - Look up the actual pressure points that you use, but you tap on those points while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.

I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless

Times are tough, but you are tougher! Hang in there, it will get better again and yes, you are needed!! Take care of yourself, show self love thru caring for yourself as you would another you love. Take a good multi vitamin that has extra magnesium and Bs. Mag. will calm your spirit mind and body and Bs will give you energy and focus, and heal your nerves. Ginseng is great to get rid of sticky negative thoughts that loop too. Take walks in the sun without sunscreen to get vit. D which enhances your mood and go outside barefoot to get grounded, it's science. Do something that stretches you like either volunteer (giving you purpose beyond you will help you too as you help others.) Or take classes, there are lots of free ones online, do something new like art or singing or ... Where is your passion? Live life fully! <3 You are worth saving just as you would someone else.

Thank you guys for the support and kind words. I am still having the thoughts just not as bad and I’ve been rather preoccupied because I now have a kidney stone I’m trying to pass.

When I am really down - I think about my purpose for being here. Also - where can I find help for my grief. I love this scripture:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". (Jeremiah 29:11)
This scripture tells me that God has a plan for me - and will reveal it in due time. He wants to fill me with Hope and give me a Future. When I am lost or confused - I will pray for God to show me the path to healing and hope. I also seek out encouragement - like the songs on radio stations like KLOVE. I also seek out people to pray over my concerns - from the pastor or friends at church. Prayers for you to find encouragement and hope! God Bless!

How are you feeling? Sorry to hear about your kidney stone. My prayers continue to be with you. Hugs