Tonight has been a roller coaster of emotions for me with terrible anxiety and depression and it's made me realize that i'm not okay anymore. I can't pretend that how i'm feeling is okay when it isn't. It's not okay that I don't feel good about myself, it's not okay that i'm nervous and scared about the things that I am. I have so many thoughts going on in my head right now and it's hard to keep them all straight, to be honest. I really don't have a ton of people to talk to, and the main person I have is my grandmother and I know that she won't be around forever but I honestly don't feel like I have someone else I can talk to about how I'm feeling, someone that I can confide in, besides her. When I talk to her I feel like I'm being listened and that she cares, but when I talk to other people in my family I just feel like I'm not being fully heard because they have their own things going on. I don't really have any friends that I feel confident enough to talk about things with either. Mostly because of my insecurities of what they might think or putting my full trust in them just to get hurt. It's a terrible place to be and I know that I need help to sort this out which is why I've decided to go back to counseling and possibly get a med change as well. It's been a long time coming but enough is enough and I need to get my life back together. I need to be able to believe in myself and love myself again. If anyone has any suggestions for help please let me know!

Thank you for reading if you have.