Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Ughh, new person here and I have a questiton.
I am a Christian, and have been so for years. I have always felt like we should help out those in need; especially family members.
However, I have a problem. I live with a family member who is leagally disabled. They can wak and do things on their own to a degree, but they are unable to work, and are frequently in a lot of pain. The problem is they have a very toxic personality. This person is very self centered, has to have things their own way, a know it all, very opinionated, hypcritical, and a drama queen. Whenever, somebody comfronts them about something (and no i am not the only family member living here outside of them) they tend to act like the person comfronting them is to blame for the entire mess and they are completely innocent. They will just not listen. I know of times when I have not done things the way they wanted, and suddenly I was the world's biggest villain.(And yes they were like this before they were disabled in the first place.)
It has gotten to the point where I feel like I cannot have a conversation with anyone around this person; they tend to but in, try to answer questions directed at me, and as soon as I say something, they tend to say something along the lines of what I said right after I do.
I feel like that even though this person is going through a rough time in life, they are using their problems like a cloak; drawing it about them whenever its conveniant. That their life would be a bit better so long as they do not sink down to my level. I am reminded of a passage from the book "Dune;" in it the main character Paul tells someone a story about how occassionally a drowning man will sometimes stand on another man's shoulders in an attempt to reach the surface of the waater. This is what this person makes me feel like what is happening.
What should I do?
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I use the drowning/rescue analogies ALLOT when dealing with dysfunctional people. They fit the situation. Hysterical/sick people do hysterical and sick things and their rescue workers are not doing anyone a favor by volunteering to drown with them.
Nor do we get to save the world. We have to respect our human limitations and let the rest go. It does help, however, to have a safe place like this one to vent your equally human frustrations and perhaps even find solutions for some of the complex string of problems.
Hope you feel safe to vent and sort here, Blank. Welcome aboard.
If this person causes you a lot of stress I'd say try to stay away from them. That is easier said than done when it comes to family though.
I know it's hard to just ignore when someone looks like they need help but you have to take care of yourself first. If you don't then you won't have the energy to help the people who really want you there.
It may be that anger that they are now having to deal with their handicap they use as a crutch to justify their behavior? Their main objective is to grab attention and pity. The thing is, when your entire outlook is negative and dwelling on the bad, that can also contribute to more stress and physical pain. It can be hard to deal with people like this....
For me, I always think back to the charge and benediction from when I still did go to church.... do justice, love kindness, walk humbly with your God... rejoicing in the holy spirit and loving one another....
I would try to deal with them as I did have to... but not allow them to use their excuses or put up with their nasty behavior. You have a right to defend yourself and others (simply by standing up and stating your feelings. without them nitpicking) JUst my two cents.....
I wish you the best with this. Kim
This situation is far more common than people realize. However, finding a positive resolution that works takes effort in figuring out the best way to handle the situation, because if you live in the same home, you have to find several ways to minimize contact and interference.
The best help is to keep your well-being first and remain calm.
I started staying quiet when a person kept jumping in the conversation, and waiting for them to finish to ask, what was the question? and I had to do this several different times for this person to change. Yes, it got worse, and I stepped back.
Rather than confronting them with their behavior, I looked for ways to do things differently. In other words, finding a different direction for their "attention getting' actions, helped me to find calming ways to handle the previous and new confrontations that left me feeling less than 'kind' towards myself.
Putting positive ahead for your well-being is necessary for you to heal.
Keep writing it out and best wishes as you find your better balance.
first read that--then you might want to wander over to youtube and look up narcissist.