Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hiya everyone,
This is my first time posting myself and thought I would share my situation and see if anyone else has good pointers on how to deal with anxiety and depression triggers.
Last year my depression and anxiety started to flare up because I started living with my parents who unfortunately have toxic mentalities and a need for control. It took me a therapist and 11 months of living there once again (after living with flatmates) to realise that though they claim to know a lot about depression I cannot get the support I need from them (as their support usually involves trying to help whilst reminding me that my thoughts or actions aren't "normal" which in turn feeds into the stigma that there is something wrong with me).
Things were starting to look up as I would be moving in with my brother (which l believed would be a healthy and positive environment with someone who had the basic knowledge that anxiety and depresison exist) and gaining a level of independence back.
Initially it was ok and I was managing but then it took a turn for the worst. The first thing that triggered my anxiety was that I mistakingly ate a cookie of his but didn't mention it until later. He proceeded to shout at me, tell me I'm stupid, I knew what I was doing and then slam the door in my face. Triggering an anxiety attack which lead to a very bad depressive episode. (Might I add over a f***ing cookie).
Whilst this triggering even happend I also started to notice that he would constantly leave pee on the floor, after going to the bathroom (This has been talked about and its less pee now but none the less still pee unfortunatly). And on top of that he never washes his hands after going to the bathroom for both situations, I know this because unfortuantly I can hear everything that goes on in my bedroom and the tap is never turned on and the soap is only used by me. I have asked a couple of times if he has washed his hands and I'm met with an aggressive defensive response and an open lie that he has washed his hands.
I mistakingly tried to talk to my mum about this but I was met with the response that I was the crazy one and I should just deal with it. Her inital response wasn't even to comfort and state 'yeah that is disgusting' it was instead to try and convince me that I am being stupid for wanting someone to wash their hands. This lack of trust, insistance that I am being the unreasonable crazy person lead me in january to start thinking I was better off not existing.
Since then my emotions have regulated a little (by not talking to my mum about this) but It usually follows a pattern of being falt for a week to a week and a half and then having a major depressive episode triggered by my brother not washing his hands.
At the moment my coping mechanism is to wear ear plugs or headphones so I cannot hear when he goes to the toilet but sometimes they aren't anywhere near me which leads to me plugging my ears with my fingers and trying to hum to cancel out the noise. If I do hear it leads to anxiety and catastrophic thinking that he is disgusting, untrustworthy and I am not safe. It even stops me from heading to the bathroom when needed because I'm worried about what I'm going to face.
I just want to be able to feel ok in a house which is supposedly supposed to be mine as well as my brother's but its evidentually not.
I also want to clarify that its not just about cleanliness but the sense of misstrust. Whilst he still doesn't wash his hands, I can't trust him. In my head I feel like all he needs to do is wash his hands so why is it so hard? all the resources are available it takes roughly two minutes and it reduces the risk of catching viruses and bacterial infections that are brought on my fecal matter.
I need to review Dialectical behaviour therapy techniques but if there's anything that people could add that they think might help or even suggestions of things to ask my therapist about I would be greatful.
I just want to get away and feel like I can be fully safe again without figurativly looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds.
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As I been working on quitting smoking. I got the prescription I finish it today. But I find it only seems to work at 1st reducing cravings its also suppose to help with anxiety it only made the anxiety worse for me. I finished my last pack on Friday and figured that's it no more.I got my online smoking cessation program online starting Tommorow.I know I'm going to have cravings to smoke because I...
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I feel so alone and it's making me feel so tired having to cope with this on a daily basis with no foreseeable way out of it this constant never ending turmoil.
I feel so stupid, pathetic and alone. Everything is my fault because 'I can't deal with it'
I was estranged from my parents before I became an adult, so I am pretty clueless on what it means to be an adult child but, in general, however much a family member understands my mental health conditions, they are still more likely to be a problem than a solution in managing my condition. Guess where I got the majority of my psych problems from. . . Drinking more of the same substance which made me sick in the first place is seldom the way to find healing relief.
I look outside the family/friend circles for my healing support. The act of doing so has improved my more personal relationships considerably. This very forum is one of the places I look. I find quite allot of such support here. Hope you do, too.
Welcome aboard.
Did your mom literally call you stupid for wanting him to wash his hands?
She hasn't directly called me stupid but it has been close to it, the reasoning i'm usually provided is that many people around the world don't wash their hands and you don't know about it. That plus me thinking and being disgusted by it is concerning and I should talk to my therapist about it. Extra things she has said is 'that is the way boys are' determining that all men behave like this which is frankly not true yet I'm pushed to believe it due to her trying to convince me that it's all on me for being upset about it. At the end of the day the impression I have gotten from our conversations is that I am being unreasonable.
My brother has directly called me stupid for asking him to clean up his piss off the floor.
I have openly asked him to wash his hands and he will get aggressive and shove his dry hands in the air as if it determines that they're clean.
Why get aggressive over something you know you're not doing??
Maybe I should find support out of my family and just accept that they aren't very nice people if you're different to them.
You've taken the important first step in writing it out.
Changing your response to fit your well-being often brings out worst responses from those who you want support from. Take the time to find simple answers that will allow you to move through these challenges in a positive direction so you can become independent.
The lack of hand washing. Not your problem. Really it is not. It's their choice, their decision, their problem. You are responsible for what you say, do, react, and respond. You are NOT responsible for what others say, do, react, and respond.
Your feelings are valid, and belong to you. Try to keep to simple facts and step back from confrontations about issues that do not need your input.
Best wishes as you find your better balance.
Your brother is annoyed with you calling him out. I mean, I get annoyed when people call me out on stuff especially when it’s something I don’t find a big deal. Not saying it’s not gross. Living with others always is a “pick your battles”
thing.
I like Mid’s idea of reducing things to just simple facts. It helps remove the emotion out of the equation. You are entering and living in his space. That is an adjustment for both of you, so you might have to suck up some of the stuff that bugs you.
It’s nice your parents are helping you. They could have just said you could continue living with them at their house than help you live with your brother. Not trying to dismiss your feelings. I just think this is not a forever situation and sometimes we have to bide our time and make adjustments until we can change our situation.
My sister refused treatments. It was hard for me to see her struggling so I sent her messages almost everyday to let know that she’s not alone. I also encouraged her to join a life group to help her feel less lonely. It worked and she regularly attends once a week through zoom. Having someone who understands her situation is a big help. Her mood is now improving.
Beating depression without someone's support especially from family is hard. Keep sharing, we are here for you. If you have a friend you can trust to share your feelings with, it would be great as well.
Please keep us posted. Feel free to post about anything. I hope you will find comfort here. God bless.
I think I might try and find some inperson/online CBT courses to work on my emotional regulation which might help and yeah this isn't a permanent situation, I just need to try and manage as best I can and look after my own wellbeing.
Thank you for sharing all your advice, its overwhelming in a good way to hear all this advice and makes me feel less alone.
@eli_mom I'm glad you're sister is getting the help she needs and wish her the best in finding her coping mechanisms and living a less anxious life,
Regarding my parents I am grateful for the ways that help me but it is quite difficult to discern the support mixed in with habits that are mentally unsafe.
I would encourage you to make a list of everything you've stated here and take it to your next therapy session. Would also suggest you ask about subsidies for a flat of your own in a community of people trying to manage with mental illness.
I admire your courage and wish you more than well.
Rumina