This is my first time posting myself and thought I would share my situation and see if anyone else has good pointers on how to deal with anxiety and depression triggers.
Last year my depression and anxiety started to flare up because I started living with my parents who unfortunately have toxic mentalities and a need for control. It took me a therapist and 11 months of living there once again (after living with flatmates) to realise that though they claim to know a lot about depression I cannot get the support I need from them (as their support usually involves trying to help whilst reminding me that my thoughts or actions aren't "normal" which in turn feeds into the stigma that there is something wrong with me).
Things were starting to look up as I would be moving in with my brother (which l believed would be a healthy and positive environment with someone who had the basic knowledge that anxiety and depresison exist) and gaining a level of independence back.
Initially it was ok and I was managing but then it took a turn for the worst. The first thing that triggered my anxiety was that I mistakingly ate a cookie of his but didn't mention it until later. He proceeded to shout at me, tell me I'm stupid, I knew what I was doing and then slam the door in my face. Triggering an anxiety attack which lead to a very bad depressive episode. (Might I add over a f***ing cookie).
Whilst this triggering even happend I also started to notice that he would constantly leave pee on the floor, after going to the bathroom (This has been talked about and its less pee now but none the less still pee unfortunatly). And on top of that he never washes his hands after going to the bathroom for both situations, I know this because unfortuantly I can hear everything that goes on in my bedroom and the tap is never turned on and the soap is only used by me. I have asked a couple of times if he has washed his hands and I'm met with an aggressive defensive response and an open lie that he has washed his hands.
I mistakingly tried to talk to my mum about this but I was met with the response that I was the crazy one and I should just deal with it. Her inital response wasn't even to comfort and state 'yeah that is disgusting' it was instead to try and convince me that I am being stupid for wanting someone to wash their hands. This lack of trust, insistance that I am being the unreasonable crazy person lead me in january to start thinking I was better off not existing.
Since then my emotions have regulated a little (by not talking to my mum about this) but It usually follows a pattern of being falt for a week to a week and a half and then having a major depressive episode triggered by my brother not washing his hands.
At the moment my coping mechanism is to wear ear plugs or headphones so I cannot hear when he goes to the toilet but sometimes they aren't anywhere near me which leads to me plugging my ears with my fingers and trying to hum to cancel out the noise. If I do hear it leads to anxiety and catastrophic thinking that he is disgusting, untrustworthy and I am not safe. It even stops me from heading to the bathroom when needed because I'm worried about what I'm going to face.
I just want to be able to feel ok in a house which is supposedly supposed to be mine as well as my brother's but its evidentually not.
I also want to clarify that its not just about cleanliness but the sense of misstrust. Whilst he still doesn't wash his hands, I can't trust him. In my head I feel like all he needs to do is wash his hands so why is it so hard? all the resources are available it takes roughly two minutes and it reduces the risk of catching viruses and bacterial infections that are brought on my fecal matter.
I need to review Dialectical behaviour therapy techniques but if there's anything that people could add that they think might help or even suggestions of things to ask my therapist about I would be greatful.
I just want to get away and feel like I can be fully safe again without figurativly looking over my shoulder every 5 seconds.
As I been working on quitting smoking. I got the prescription I finish it today. But I find it only seems to work at 1st reducing cravings its also suppose to help with anxiety it only made the anxiety worse for me. I finished my last pack on Friday and figured that's it no more.I got my online smoking cessation program online starting Tommorow.I know I'm going to have cravings to smoke because I...