I'm feeling really confused today. Like I not really awake. I feel like I'm forgetting something but I can't remember what. The world is so chaotic and loud and I can't focus. I'm easily getting distracted and today I watched a video and I thought it was so great I showed it to my family but it turns out it was a fake video and I got tricked. I can't make decisions. My family doesn't understand because it's all in my head and they can't see or feel what's happening to me. I can't even focus on my special interests. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I just need to write down what is happening because I can't describe it verbally. It's like my peripheral vision is only focused on what is happening right in front of my eyes but everything around it is chaos and the noise. If it is just silence, there is loud white noise in my head. The TV is loud as I write this. The fan is loud and chaotic. My nose is so close to a pillow so my breath is annoying me. The smell of custard is strong (We're going to have fish fingers and custard for dinner. It's a Doctor Who thing) I can focus on everything around me but I can't focus on the chaos. That doesn't make sense but the TV is loud. Last night, the movie my family was watching was too loud and chaotic. I guess this happens for a few days to weeks at a time. To quote the Doctor in Tooth and Claw "I'm just dazed and confused." As I was getting the mail, the sun was really bright and hot and I started itching. My mom was trying to get me to get outside to get some sun but it was too hot. (Arizona is already in the 80s (F)) My parents tell me to get off the computer for a bit so I do, but the only thing I can focus on is what I was doing on my computer so I go back on because I think they said to get off for a short amount of time. My parents make me feel like they are judging me. They aren't most of the time but my dad stands with his arms folded alot and my mom looks at me with her eyebrows raised. I am constantly ticcing and hitting myself even though I don't have Tourette's. I can't describe what I feel to my mom or what I'm thinking or why I can't decide. My head is whirrling if that is the right word. My eyes are going lazy eye crazy sometimes. When my sister shows me something she made or did, I ask questions instead of compliment and then she looks depressed after. Sunday through Wednesday, we socialized alot and during the game party my sister made, I had to leave the room because she put my favorite game into it's box when I wanted to play it. I just paced around my room until I felt better. As soon as I stopped, my dad checked in. No one knows what I do when I am alone and confused. I had to watch my favorite TV show while the party was in the other room because I couldn't handle another day of socializing. Now I think everyone was judging me because none of them know what was going on in my brain. I told someone at my church that we think I have Asperger's and now I don't know what he's going to do on Sunday. I also told him something else (I'm not saying it here) that I was too afraid to tell my parents and now my parents know and I might have to do something I'm afraid of doing. I'm scared, confused, and tired.

Does this make sense? Does this happen to you guys or is it an Asperger's thing?