Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Dating and Anxiety

melissa2487
melissa2487
I recently just started going out with a guy. He's nice, cute and we do have a good time together. I don't believe in sex until marriage, I'm shy, I have anxiety issues and I'm 27 and never been in a relationship before. I almost feel like I'm so shy I don't even know how to be in a relationship. We have kissed and that was fine but I just always feel so awkward doing anything with him. I feel bad because I told him I want to go very slow and he says he understands but I don't know if he REALLY understands and he always asks me why I can't show affection towards him (making out, rubbing his back, whatever...) I was never brought up in a hugging/kissing family plus when I was 21 and went on my first date EVER, I did not have a good experience and I think it really left a mark and I explained that to him but I feel bad because he's a nice guy and I just feel so defeated by my shyness and anxiety and everything else. Any advice?

**And for those who ask, I do see a psychiatrist and I will bring this up with her when I see her next time but I wanted some other opinions.
Reed31
Reed31
Bravery points to you! Dating is a challenging endeavor!

I think it's great you were up front with him and explained where you are with things.

If he doesn't respect that, don't let him pressure you. You can find someone with your same values.

Our culture assumes that by the third date people are going to have sex which is really insane and - I think - incredibly damaging and irresponsible.

Do you feel this way because of a particular religious belief? I'm asking because finding someone with those same values may make the most sense. It's hard to be the only one in a relationship committed to morality.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good for you melissa for keeping your boundaries!

Don't let this guy or (or anyone) pressure you. If he can't hang and accept you, that's when u walk...
I used to date someone I let pressure me, it was too much until I finally said enough is enough, so I let him go.
hyperpgal
hyperpgal
If he is a really nice guy he will take the time to really understand and respect your boundaries. If he is right for you he will love all those things about you that you can't stand--like shyness...and the good side of anxiety (you are probably very prepared and cautious and try to do your best at all times..)and he will be there for support for the bad things too....if he can't understand or deal with you and your stuff then he is not the guy for you! you are who you are...and don't apologize for yourself...you are getting help...you are out there dating---you care about people...you are doing pretty dang well! :-)
Lauriegirl
Lauriegirl
It's great that you're dating. I respect your decision. I once thought like you. I was waiting until marriage. I was shy. I didn't know how to show affection. I got wrapped up with a guy who I was in complete love with. I still say that, even though he could not take things slow and ended up hurting me.

It's still taking time to get over the pain he's caused me, but I'm finally in a good relationship. I do live with my boyfriend now. I did little things like run my hands through his hair to show affection. He still absolutely loves that. I think he might even prefer that over all the sex lol. I should ask him.

Don't let anyone pressure you. Go on nice dates with this guy. Let him take your hand. Giggle. Have fun. Most importantly make sure you always feel safe.