I think it's fair to say, most of the worlds' population is anxious at the moment. I've always been a worst-case scenario thinker and a hypochondriac. My anxiety and depression were getting very bad before Covid-19 hit my area. And in some ways, I'm surprisingly doing better than before. I work in a group home with seniors with intellectual disabilities. So we have had to put a bunch of safeguards in place. My normal way of thinking has been very helpful in coming up with ideas and making sure all the bases are covered. So I feel like I'm being very productive. I also tend to shut down all my emotions when in crisis. I've always done this. I do strongly suspect when this passes I will struggle a lot, as a rebound effect. Because of the population I work with, if anyone has any symptoms they need to be tested and self-isolate for 14 days regardless of the symptoms. So we are losing staff left and right. Staff with chronic health concerns, or who live with family members with health concerns have already or are planning on taking a step back. My agency talks about how we need to socially distance from the people we support at all times and wear masks when we need to be in close contact, however, all 5 people I support need assistance with everything from eating to bathing to transferring. Also, we have no masks, well we have 4 masks, so I shouldn't say any. We are at the point where we are going to start making our own and hoping for the best. I understand during this pandemic A LOT of people are struggling. I do feel overwhelmed. I was 8 weeks away from graduating with a degree in disability studies. The course has moved online. The profs understand our work is demanding so our deadlines aren't so rigid. So I work 90-110 pay periods and do homework when I am home. I also do all my mothers errands since she is immune-compromised and cannot leave her house. My younger brother lives in a different province and my older brother is not responsible enough to take care of himself, let alone someone else. But today, another 2 full-time staff are off, so my 110 hour pay period is going to go way up. There is hardly any of us left. Luckily I did work ahead and do not have a lot of school work left.

I'm trying to fit self-care in my life because it's a marathon, not a sprint. But I am struggling to find time to fit in a walk or the energy.I feel bad complaining or venting because a lot of nurses or doctors have it way worst, a lot of people are losing family. I'm just struggling to keep my head afloat. People say I need to take time for myself and not worry about work, but we are getting to the point where there is almost no one else. And soon, they will mandate people to live there. It's just a job, I've heard as well. A job that does not pay well, for an agency that is not getting us ppe, when other agencies in our field are getting their staff some. But at the end of the day, it is not about the money or the company. I've supported these people for 7 years. In the beginning, they were all independent. I've supported them through the loss of their mobility, through the loss of family and friends, I do it for the people. I just need to find a way to fit in self-care in the midst of everything so I can make it to the end of this race, that I feel like has not even really begun yet.