Its unfortunate that the one with the real jealousy issues was your "friend". Clearly she was jealous of the relationship/bond you two shared. Its unfortunate a friend would do such a thing. I'm sorry to hear you are going thru such heartache. I wish I could give you real advice to help you cope, but I myself have never lost the love of my life. I am fortunate to still have him in my life. That being said if I were you I would try to mot just keep busy with things like cleaning and shopping, I would try to maybe take a cooking class or something fun like that with the potential to meet someone else without any pressure or expectations. The worst thing that could happen is finding a new hobby. It's just an idea, I hope you find happiness again!

Thank-you so much. Yes, it really is unfortunate I have a "friend" like her. I always knew she was toxic to my life, but we still tended to spend more time together than I ever should have. And now I'm greatly paying for it. You are exactly right with the hobbies, etc. That's what I'm trying to do. Since I just moved back to our hometown, I'm now looking for a job, looking for a new place (my 2 children and I live with my parents until I can make enough to move out--sigh), and am trying to do things enjoyable to keep my mind occupied and stay busy. Those are the times when I manage the pain the best, but it still seems like it doesn't go away. Thank-you so much for your input. And I'm happy to hear you are with the love of your life. You are so blessed to have that and that you have each other. Thank-you for reaching out to me. :)

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's definitely not what you needed in your life at this very moment.

I hate to admit it, but I have been that toxic friend. The one who is so unhappy that she doesn't want happiness for anyone else. It's a sad place to be in life and I'm happy to say that I was not in that place for long.

I love the idea CCC came up with about finding a hobby that involves socializing. It's very possible that your true soul mate is still out there, waiting to meet you.

As for getting over this one.... process all those feelings. If you feel like crying about it then let yourself cry. Grieve the loss of a relationship you thought had potential. If you are angry then get that anger out by screaming and yelling and punching a pillow. But please do this in a safe healthy way. Scream and yell in your car while you are alone and not at someone else. Direct the anger where it belongs - at the 'friend' and even at the man who believed what she was telling him. I have found that it is processing/releasing these emotions that allowed me to move on from the things that consumed my thoughts.

Take care

Diana, i am so sorry that you are going through this. I think as humans, our brain plays tricks on us and makes us think we want someone because they are not available. Meaning, if he called you a lot, you would not be interested. I have talked to ppl about this and also have felt this before marriage.

If you don't think this is the base, I would ASK HIM. If he really will not respond, then I think he is the one with serious issues and a maturity age of 7. ((((hugs))))

I can't thank-you guys enough for your replies. You really are spot on with your advice. Lucky empath, I think you're exactly right about socializing and doing things I like. Maybe I'll run into my soulmate doing something I enjoy. And processing the feelings has been the hardest part. It's like I try to cry, and at times I can and do, but other times it's like it just sits there in my chest and I can't seem to cry. But I do get angry and haven't really vented that yet. Doing that in the car is a great idea. I've been forcing myself to listen to the songs that remind me of him and that's brutal too. But I know I need to to get over this. And how you said the things that consumed your thoughts---that described how I feel to the 'T'. No matter who I'm with or what I'm doing, my thoughts are always revolving him and the situation. What I could have done, what I did wrong, the amazing things he said or did that I'm afraid no one will be able to match. It felt good knowing you were able to heal from your thoughts being consumed. I hope I will be able to too. And don't worry, I've been the woman being the toxic friend at times too. I think we all do from time to time. But for her, it's how she has been from day 1 and it's never gone away.

Jeninheels, thank-you so much for your response. I do get angry at him because I do feel like he's being so childish for not repsonding to me at all!! I mean, even if it was just as friends or anything else, any response at all would be helpful! It angers me so much but does also show me that maybe he's the one with the problem. But I go back and forth with those thoughts. And yes, I totally agree about the situation where you just want somebody b/c you can't have them. With he and I, I think it may be a combination. I truly do/did like him and thought so much of him but at the same time, when I was there with him there were times I felt like there were things about him that were of-putting to me. But I kind of pushed them to the side. Now that we're apart, it's so easy to just see the good things and remember the good times. But I do/did still have genuine feelings for him too, so that's why it's still so painful.

I really can't thank-you all enough for responding. I feel like you really do understand. (((hugs)))

I know heart break is hard to get over. spend time with your family and friend that might help. just be patient you will get over it. it take time. someday you will find the right person.

When I was going through a breakup years ago (my 15th wedding anniversary is this March) a friend of mine told me I was breaking up with two people. There was the actual person I was breaking up with and the idea of the person I kept in my head.

For you, the actual person is the one your friend talked to and the one in your head is the person constantly in the back of your mind. Great description by the way. Wonderful insight that there is one man out in the world and one in your head.

The man you think of is static and unmoving. You cannot interact with him because he cannot contribute more than he already has. You are in a one-sided relationship with your idea of your ex.

Please tread lightly. It might be that if you become comfortable with a one-sided relationship with a person in your head, you will create a one-sided relationship when you meet and date someone new.

It's human nature to repeat what is familiar regardless of whether it is healthy or not. Be well. Love yourself, you're worth it.

I never wanted to hear this when I broke up with my ex, yes I broke up with him and was heart broken. It wasn't right and I knew it so I had to end it. Anyways, I was in a lot of pain and he was always on my mind. Everyone told me that time was the answer. I used to google to try and find a quick fix so I wouldn't hurt anymore and I found nothing. Time is really the only cure for a broken heart. So stay busy and time will fly by, trust me. I have now been single for 9 mths and I cant believe it. Pretty soon it will be a year which is crazy! I have been dating and it is great. I am waiting for the right one to come along and I WILL not get into a relationship that isn't right this time! NO SETTLING! I joined some dating sites and that's where I have met the men that I have dated. I wouldn't date yet in the state of mind that you are in though, wait until you are ready!

Slowly you will forget more and more about him, forgetting is what helps a lot. You will eventually forget the emotional feelings you had connected to him and everything will slowly fade. Right now I look back and I think WHAT WAS I THINKING??? LOL. I thought he was the best I would get and I was CRAZY LOL

I'm not sure what kind of music you listen to but music really helped me when i was going through the pain of the breakup. Here are some songs that really helped me! They may or may not help you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5QD5n98R_nk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6FTlssK-qI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIbXvaE39wM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s&feature=relmfu

Thank-you so much for your replies. You all really have so much insight and are so helpful.

Alan, thank-you for the kind words. You are so right about me creating this one idea of him in my head. I think I tend to do that with a lot of situations. I'm becoming more aware that I do that and am really fighting to stay more in the present, but I know when my anxiety hits or when I'm constantly thinking, thinking, thinking, it's hard to realize I'm in my head. And great tip on making sure I don't create a one-sided relationship when I meet someone new. I never really thought about it, but I wonder if I have done that before. Glad to be aware it's a possibility.

Babymonkey, thanks for showing me the other side of the breakup. It makes me feel good that he could be missing me and that it's hard for him too, but from the sounds of it and from how he doesn't respond to me, it's hard to see it that way from him. But I hope you are right and he does feel stronger than maybe I think. And those songs were great! To be with you is one of my faves from when I was growing up, and the others were great! Thank-you for taking the time to comment. You all truly are great. Hugs. :)

Hey, I've been there. It is soooo hard to let go! Just know that time heals even the worst broken hearts. Just keep moving forward and before you know it, you'll wonder why you were so hung up on that guy. I notice that you said you recently moved across the country and you are looking for a job. I've found that when something deep and major is making me feel out of control, I will focus on something trivial by comparison (like a relationship issue). I do this because it's easier to distract myself from my bigger fears - the things that are truly scary. Do you think some of your anxiety may be rooted in the upheaval you are experiencing in your life and perhaps less to do with the break up?