Good day everyone,

Yesterday and today have been a little rough. Yesterday, I had to stop using my printer for a project because I have to be able to do my job until the next order time. I was ok, though a little nervous about having to tell someone that I could no longer help in color printing. Her initial reaction was fine, but right after talking to me she went to talk about not having props for the next day to another girl in my office. This made me feel sad for two reasons because one she started talking to this other girl as if I wasn't in the room including discussing it in whispers, and two because she started acting like I couldn't do anything to help, which is not what I said, I just couldn't use my color printer. 

So even with this, I stopped my own negativity and decided that I could still help since I had done all the work to print off a few color pictures, and then went ahead and printed the rest on the black and white printer in the front office. (Woohoo, I was able to stop the negativity for a minute.) and I was okay since I felt like I had actually helped. 

Well today, on Wacky Wednesday, I ended up having a worse day because of the same pictures. All of the pictures that I had given them weren't cut out and taped to sticks. It was only the pictures that she herself had printed. I ended up going to the bathroom and crying... It seems stupid, but it hurt. It felt like I got stabbed in the back, it makes me feel like why should I even try and participate especially when I feel so left out as it is. 

Though I am getting off-topic. After my crying session, one of the girls saw me and saw that I had been crying and asked me what was wrong, which just started the waterworks again. I don't really want to admit that my negativity thinks that I am hated, and that being left in a corner by myself (without getting to talk to people) makes it worse. On top of that, I am kind of afraid to discuss how I feel around people at my work (both because I am worried about rejection from people, but I am also worried about losing my job).  

When I started writing this post it wasn't meant to be a "I have had a bad day post'. The real reason for the post today is that I wanted to share something that I found. There are a few different ideas in this article, but the one that I am wanting to try is the Build Self-Esteem section down the page. 

https://www.ellevatenetwork.com/articles/8642-strategies-for-reducing-work-stress-using-our-natural-abilities-to-combat-anxiety