StormCloud, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have the exact same situation happen to me--with negative thoughts getting out of control. I do not even tell my husband anymore how I feel, however, we already have issues between us.
The only person I tell everything to is my therapist.
I am on meds at a low dose, which take some of the edge off.
Hopefully writing on this forum will help you because many people here care enough to give out good advice and just listen.
My best to you!!

Can he relate to any of your anxious feelings? My boyfriend who became my husband, tried to be understanding. Somewhat. He would say "you worry too much", in an annoyed voice many times. I kept my anxiety from him when I could. Finally, last six years he gets it through his brain that I am not capable of just turning off my worries. My husband gets anxious in enclosed spaces. I told him I feel like he does in an elevator. But 100 times worse. I think I started talking about my therapy. And suggestions from my therapist on what to do when I am anxious. Get him to read something about how your brain works maybe?

Hi StormCloud,

I think it is pretty common for someone who has never experienced anxiety/panic to think you can just turn it off. My husband used to be that way and slowly over the years he has come to recognize that it is something I deal with on a regular basis. Some of is are just wired differently and our bodies and minds go into overdrive. It sucks.

Have you tried talking about this with your boyfriend? Do you see a therapist? If so, maybe you could have your boyfriend join you in a session so your therapist could answer any questions he has about anxiety disorder. That might be helpful.

I am sorry you are going through this. In my own experience anxiety seems to go in cycles. I may have it for a few months but then it subsides.

I wish you well.

Hello, I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar and no one quite understands unless they go through it. I feel like your boyfriend should try to be more informed about your situation. Research topics related with anxiety with him and tell him this is what you need. If he says no then...you don't need that negativity from a person who is supposed to love you. I am sorry if that is too forward. I don't have a filter sometimes.

I don’t try to explain it to others. I don’t think people can get it if they don’t experience it (like anything) so spinning my wheels trying to explain it just leaves me depleted, defeated and more anxious. Why do that to myself. I think like a lot of stuff, our friends and family, those closest to us are just too close. That's why peer support can be so helpful.

My husband knows I have anxiety and I mention in passing if it’s one of those high anxiety cycles but that’s the extent of it. Most times if I’m really struggling, I just try to compartmentalize a bit and leave him out of the equation. It’s not that he’s a jerk. There is just nothing I really need from my husband when it comes to me dealing with my anxiety. It’s ultimately mine to sort out. I do though tend to fake it until I make it so like 90 % of the time he likely has no clue I might be feeling in the weeds with my anxiety anyway. I prefer it that way.

I’m not saying how I deal with it is right or for everyone but for me, if I keep saying out loud to everyone how anxious I am and about what, it’s like poring gasoline on the proverbial anxiety bonfire. It just burns hotter, brighter and higher.

Hope things start evening out for you.

All of you are so kind to reply and sympathize. It's amazing how supportive this group is without us really knowing each other. The support from here is better than I get in person. I do have a therapist, we just started. I've seen her 3 times on video chat, which is sometimes choppy so it's frustrating.

Right? They don't get it. I'm not a light switch, I can't shut this shit off, as much as I wanna. God, do I wish I could.

I'd love it if he would "read up" on this issue. I could put links and literature in front of him, but I think that might add to his annoyance and weight on his shoulders. And that thought makes me nervous. (of course)

Plus, I'm feeling like it's more edifying to share with this community who really gets me. I think i'm going to stop telling him most of my thoughts, and hoping he reassures me. No one wants to tell another person, "It's ok, really, everything is fine" like a hundred times a day. My worry-brain should not be his burden.

I wanna thank you all for your replies. I've read them over a lot, and taken in all the kind sympathy and excellent advice. It warms my heart.