Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hello Everyone,
I hope everyone is doing well. I wanted to come on here just to vent mainly.
I had a really bad weekend. Mainly caused by a person that someone that I care about wants me to forgive for all the wrongs they have done to me in recent times. The thing is, I have already decided that I no longer want a relationship or any sort of connection to this person (M) because this person is completely toxic. They have caused a lot of problems/drama for me and others in our friend group because they're just so childish and don't consider any consequences to their actions. So this weekend what happened was that it seems like this person I care about allowed M to have the opportunity to apologize to me. The thing is, their apology was so insincere. Nothing about the way they were talking seemed sincere. And I am done dealing with this person, and nor do I want a relationship with them. I was sitting on the stairs outside my home and I just felt my heart start racing. I am not someone who likes confrontation and I felt so anxious at the time that my hands started shaking. I did not want to hear their apology nor did I want to continue to hear them out, but I felt like I had no other choice because I couldn't even talk (I was too anxious). This entire thing seemed planned and I confronted the person I care about and told them how it felt planned and even after the apology from M and once they left... they told me "Their apology seemed sincere right?" and I immediately said "No, and I honestly do not care about it." Like I feel bad for possibly hurting the person I care about but at the same time, I felt good because I defended my boundaries. I was just so enraged and angry because I did not expect the person I care about to trick me or plan to allow M try to apologize to me, I felt like my boundaries were violated because I have told the person that I care about already times before that I don't want to forgive M nor do I want to have any sort of relationship with them anymore because they're just so toxic.
The entire rest of the night I just felt like my heart kept racing and I just had such a bad sleep that night that rolled into Saturday and just made me feel so shitty.
I'm not sure what to do next because I feel like the person I care about is going to continue to try to push for me to forgive M but I don't want to and nor do I want to continue anything with M. I'm not sure how to get them to understand that. Not to mention that M has caused the person I care about a lot of problems and just so much bullshit stuff that I don't understand how they forgive M all the time for whatever they do.
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Second of all, you are NOT responsible for how others feel. You are responsible for how you feel.
If it bothers you that much to NOT accept even an insincere apology from the third person, then the unintended consequences are that the person who did forgive them and continues to forgive them is 'in the middle' and you're keeping them there.
Rather than say you no longer want to be involved, actually 'do thinking' and step back. You are not going to get them to side with you. You are going to have to step back and watch it happen again without you being involved.
I did this. It was really hard to step back and not be involved, however, it did change things quickly once the third person was no longer active (myself).
The other person is still connected, still causes problem, just not with my involvement.
As simple as it sounds, it's really hard to separate the feelings and focus on 'doing'. Feelings are neither right or wrong, they are real and valid.
The process of keeping a relationship active without involving with the third person is specific to the situation between all the individuals.
Best wishes.
It’s really unfair in my opinion ,
I would share how this is causing anxiety and not being helpful to this person you care about. Hopefully they respect how your feeling and give you some room to make your own decisions. Even if they think they have your best interest in mind. I don’t think they should pressure you.
with peace, for yourself, not necessarily to hang out with them and feel all cozy.