I've noticed this trend where whenever I come across someone who's both rude and assertive, I get an extremely irrational fear of them.
It's probably been going on since I was pretty young, really. It usually has nothing to do with social standing or any other factor about the person, just their attitude: rude and assertive. I've been afraid of random kids on the bus.
See, I've become more assertive over the years, but some part of me is still very fragile. I'm still afraid of a person who can come in and without a second thought shatter my ego and self image that I've built up over the years. I'm afraid of a personification of the person in my head who'd criticize my every action and thought.
If someone like that called me a bitch for no reason, as happened to my friend, I'd shrink and accept it. If they decided to go off on me, I'd accept it and feel crushed and ashamed. As such, when I meet this kind of person, I want to do everything I can to avoid them and avoid getting on their nerves. Of course, I don't even have to say that I understand that all this is very irrational. It's not something I've fully acknowledged until now, just brought up in bits and pieces with friends.
Extremely irrational fear and submission.
I think it's a holdover from how my relationship with my dad used to be. Maybe a tiny bit of how it still is. It feels a little dumb to "blame" all these behaviors on my upbringing, but I'd say that the whole situation definitely feels to familar to young me and my dad's relationship. Still feels dumb somehow.
I don't really know how to deal with this issue now that I've acknowledged it exists. I've told a few people bits and pieces and sometimes they understand and sometimes they don't. One person kind of just acted like I was crazy (this was during a crying fit after being talked down by an assertive person). This could probably be classified as a trigger.
I went o my youth group last night just like any other sunday night. This time there was a new guy. by the end of the night he had already deciede i was just a "good kid" we didnt really hangout to much last night, and somehow he had come to this conclusion. I was acting the same as everyone else and he did not look at them this way. I dont know..... Any thoughts??
Does anyone have any advice for me. My husband is out of town until Tuesday and I’m having severe panic attacks. I just had a dental surgery that made me sick ( still am) for over a week. Medical problems trigger panic attacks for me.