Quick back story.. I’ve been with my husband for twelve years. I met him when I was 17 and we got married two years later. The warning signs were there from the beginning, but thanks to having a narcissistic father and no experience with relationships I thought it was normal.

The emotional abuse includes full on rages, belittling me, punching things, put downs, I’m the cause for all the wrong in the world,  and mean “jokes.” He doesn’t respect me at all and I have no say when it comes to sex. If I say no he gets pissed and either goes into a rage or completely ignores me. 

I am (or was) a preschool teacher and had to quit my job because my anxiety was so overwhelming that I could barely get out of bed. Before now I’ve been blaming everything for my anxiety except the true cause because I knew it would force me to face the truth. I’ve been made to feel worthless and when I look in the mirror I just repeat the same things, “You can’t make it without him,” “You can’t even hold down a part time job, how could you support your kids?” “You’re so messed up, who else could ever love you?”

After years of gaslighting (a term I just learned this week because I’m finally finding the strength to see it for what it is) followed by the honeymoon period, followed by more abuse, I’ve had enough! 

We have two young kids which makes it difficult as they love him. Yes, he has been mean to them, but mostly just our 6 year old son. I’ve suffered from anxiety, sometimes crippling, for years due to the abuse from my father and my husband. I feel worthless, like I can’t make it without him and support my kids.

Has anyone been in this situation? Thanks for reading and replying. I’m desperate and tired of feeling crazy! I just don’t want my kids to resent me for breaking up the family or not being able to support us the way my husband can.