I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems like it would be a difficult conversation to have (I'm an alcoholic in recovery, and know how difficult alcoholics can be!) Did you say that you need medication in a negative way, like there's something wrong with you, or was it out of concern due to him seeing how down you've been feeling?

He may be legitimately concerned or trying to sway the conversation from his alcoholism to you, in a way to allow his alcoholism to seem okay.

Thanks for your replies...I think it might be a mix of the two.....a pinch of concern mixed with a few cup fulls of getting me numb so he can continue with the way things are... and maybe then I wouldn't react the way I do to his drinking. But how I ask...does one not have anxiety when they are constantly worried about the safety of their partner or their well being. I guess I need Alanon. Thanks again.

Alanon might not be a bad thing to look in to. Reading your post and reading different things about Alanon and I think you'd probably find a lot of people there that could relate to you. I'm thinking about that to,after reading your post. I think a lot of people that grew up in homes with alcaholics have a stressful life. I might want to sit in on an alanon meeting myself! It sure couldn't hurt and you just might get some great support and meet some good friends there!

I think so too Garrett....I've got to do something and start taking care of myself...irregardless of how the people in my life choose to live theirs. Thanks for your response.

I think alanon is a great idea! I go to AA and it has literally saved my life. Lots of people in AA are also in alanon and it seems to really help them.

Thanks!

I agree that Al-anon is a great idea. And remember....there is rational anxiety and there is irrational anxiety. And there is a big difference between the two. You are not scared over some vague, senseless thing or something that the average person wouldn't be worried over. Your worry is real. It is understandable. You wouldn't be normal if you weren't working yourself up over what is going on in your life.

And the stress over this is probably what is making the anxiety worse in every other part of your life. Irrational fears are often born of rational fears. When you are so worried about somebody you love, it spills over into everything else. I don't think you need drugs. I think you need support and understanding and just plain old help from people who know what you are going through.

Thank you Lily....I really needed to hear that. When you have an anxiety disorder and someone says they think you need medication.....it gets your wheels to spinning....and you're right..this is a very real issue and yes it has absolutely spilled over into just about every other area of my life. He's a great fella....I just want him to be healthy and around for a lot longer...I'm just concerned..and like you said....there'd be something wrong if I weren't. Thanks again...this made me feel a lot better.

Erica~
I know you want the best for your husband. My husband was an alcoholic too. Unfortuneately, no-one can change him except for himself. It took liver failure for my husband to stop drinking. And I too, worry about his health. I want him to stick around for awhile too. I totally get how you feel right now.

So, you can't control how he behaves. But, you can control your health and behavior. I think you going to a support group like Al-anon is a great idea! He would benefit from going to AA but that is going to have to be his choice and no-one elses.

i am inclined to agree on many levels here but i would like to add my own experience....

People who take alcohole reguarly (daily) usually do for a reason and it is my opinion (and it is only that) that it may be your other half that has some sort of issue...

because take it from me as a recovering alcoholic....

If you can look around at what you got, your partner, your family etc, and that is not enough to stop killing yourself on a daily basis...

then you got an issue.

And if it is anxiety, his alcoholism is making it worse and that is a fact i am afraid.

and when u get like that, for a guy at least, its a whole lot easier to pick up another bottle than it is to admit you need help and i kinda think the fact he is saying it is YOU that needs the help kinda makes me think this is the case.

Because i am afraid some men are too proud to admit it is THEM that have the problem.

Personally, its just me but I believe it is a partners responsibilty to ensure their own and their other half and families safety and frankly i am sorry but to my mind the last thing i would be doing is getting my partner to shovel drugs into her system when all is that is required is for me to tip a can of beer down the sink (which i did about three days ago) and start recognizing the fact that i am killing her as well as myself

shrugs just my opinion thas all

Thanks Kacc...very encouraging and supportive words..I appreciate it. Elament...you said some of the very things I was saying yesterday. I told him yesterday that I couldn't believe he would even suggest me putting something into my body to "help" me instead of him just easing up on the drinking. But that's how I know the condition is getting worse...because that is just not him. Something else you said struck a chord....I had also said that his alcoholism was going to end up taking me down as a result. I now am already starting to come to the realization that that can only happen if I let it. It's time for me to take care of me.....once and for all....and just give it all to God.

Erica,

dont use me as an example i see things differently to other people its just how i am. To me the most important things in my life are my partner and my son and as far as my partner goes i personally want LESS shit pumped into her body not more. Its what she deserves, to be appreciated and cared for and if that even mean things have to be snipped (wont go into that lol) then so be it. Just how i am.
I make a point of not commenting on peoples partners on here because its not really called for but in some rare cases where i think its relevent i do and this is one of them. If you ask me he needs to wake and smell the coffee and see what it is that he is flushing down the toilet because sadly he taking himself down and you with him and i tell you this...with alcoholism its nearly always too late to reverse the effects by the time they start showing.
Personally if it was me id put the beer down and pick up my other half and show her what is important to me. If someone means that much to you, you will pretty much face any demon thrown at you.
Shrugs, just my opinion but then maybe i am different or something i dunno

Oh and one other thing....

you are not helping either...you just said, him cutting down...alcoholics cant do cutting down and when u say that to him what he will hear is it is ok to drink still.

If you are addicted to alcohole you cant just have one or two all that does is eases you back into it with no guilt because in your mind you are being good by not drinking so much.

If you are an alcoholic there is only one way and that is cessation end of story. Like you cant be an ex smoker if you are still smoking five cigs a day.

If its any help tho you can tell him from me that once he does it he will wonder after a few days what all teh bloody fuss was about. It isnt easy but then it isnt hard either. If you ever need any kind of inspiration look at the smile on your wife or girlfriends face when they start to respect you again.

good luck

Thanks elament...I knew the cutting down thing was stupid when I typed it..LOL.....thanks again for the reply.