Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
I feel a lot of anxiety when it comes to thinking about friends.
When I was in high school, I could be in any group that I wanted to be in and many times I would switch in between groups. When I with my ex I lost a lot of my relationships. I made very few new friends, and mostly only at work. When I left my ex I had the hope that I would be able to be around people and make new friends. It has been 3 years, and now I just feel anxious when I think about even making friends. I can barely even say that I am friends with my co-workers. Sure, at work we are friends, but we don't get together to do anything at the end of the day or on weekends. All of my co-workers are though...which makes me sad that I am not included.
A lot of it is money. A part of it is family. A part of it is that I feel unimportant and like I am not apart of the team. A part of it is similar interests. When I think about trying to reach out to co-workers and trying for those friendships, I find myself questioning everything. I work with physical therapists, and exercise coordinators whose whole jobs are to make people feel physically better, and to try to prevent further injury. They are all active, and interested in things like sports, soccer is a big one. I could care less about sports or being active unless it has to do with going down to the lake on a hot day. I think about going out to dinner one night when everyone is planning on getting together, but I can't really get down to spend $20 on one meal. Injunction with money there is family. You see most of my coworkers don't have children..I work with like 16 people, and only 4 have children... So weekend adventures are kind of rare between the two topics.
I suppose the best thing to do would be to explore other ways of making friends, and exploring avenues besides work. That brings on a whole new aspect of anxiety though. At least my coworkers know me a little bit, strangers don't even have that...Where do I even start? What do I talk about?
But I miss companionship and friendship so badly...I mean I am getting married sometime this month, and I don't have anyone who will really be there. If we were to do a reception guest list, it would include our 4 kids, my boyfriend's best friend, his mother, and one of my friends and her boyfriend.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
From what you wrote...you went from a sociable person in high school, to meeting your ex...and becoming isolated and losing friends.
Was your ex controlling, abusive, or damaged your self esteem in some way? After 3 years you still feel anxious when trying to make friends after your breakup. What limiting beliefs about yourself exists that he put in your head? Perhaps you are still carrying that?
If so, some healthy introspection or therapy may help you.
Now with making new friends...many times with anxiety...for example...we say we want new friends. So the logical approach is to...try new things, join some groups, ask an acquaintance to hang out, or go out when invited.
With anxiety...we wind up creating a more difficult scenario in order to prevent us from reaching our desired goals. So we end up saying: I can't do these things b/c of money, I have nothing in common with them, they don't have kids...I do....etc. Get my point?
We end up adding obstacles and blocks...and more and more stuff...to procrastinate, push what we want to do do further away by creating more hoops to jump thru...when it's really not that hard...or difficult.
Remember in high school? You wanted to bounce from group to group? Did you stand outside of each group counting your money, or comparing your clothes before you engaged with them? NO WAY! Because it's your personality and energy that people want to be around. Not how much money or how many kids you have!
You do not have to hang out with your work group. You can join local meetup groups...they events scheduled around 1-2 hours...and meet people who like the things you like. Local libraries often offer drawing classes, meditation, tai chi, etc. You show up every week, you will make acquaintances...and even being around new energy is good. Friendship can develop from that.
And even those athletic physical therapist you talk about...everyone has various interest and hobbies. I think if you just spent some one and one time with someone you can just find something in common.
I think you seem ready...and truly desiring to make changes...and that desire is going to fuel you to take some risks. Getting outside of our anxiety bubble and challenging things we use to limit ourselves...is one of the best ways to achieve what we want...at the same time affirming to ourselves that we are far stronger than our fears.
Sending you light and love...and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials. :)
Buttttttaaaa. . . There isn't much sense in comparing apples and horse apples.
Gentle support while you find what works for you.
For what it's worth:
Volunteer work has been the social grace of my broken life. It is far from a quick fix, but the strength of the bonds has been worth the extra effort. But I still don't have anybody to go road-tripping or bar-hopping with. Sigh. . .
The biggest thing I struggle with is making small talk, so I understand the anxiety that comes. I began focusing on just getting to know the people.... Asking questions about THEM, sometimes finding commonality. It's not easy, but easier. ;) Best wishes!