It started with the depression of my sister's ongoing avoidance of me - been going on about a year now. That was depressing, and gave me extreme anxieties trying to think of the right way to ask what and why without garnering her retribution. Somehow, no matter how delicately I try to tread, I end up getting my ass chewed for saying the wrong thing or in the wrong tone, or with too many pauses, etc. 

Next thing that happened is my 2 foster kittens got sick, one after the other. Lots of doctor visits and waiting and wondering if they will recover or survive, and when that was finally seeming to be resolving, I thought, ok, I can exhale and then BAM... my existing 12 year old house cat, Kaylee got sick. So of course I was freaking out about her. She had gunk around her mouth and wouldn't eat. A 4th visit with the vet revealed lesions all over her tongue. I thought we were careful with washing up after handling the kittens, but somehow we must have transferred the virus to her. So now everyone is quarantined for the next 2-3 weeks, and the washing up and changing clothing protocol is extra enhanced, to keep my 4 existing cats safe. My guilt, anxiety and depression are as bad as they've ever been.

Last night Kaylee started eating and drinking again. I thought, ok, this is great, the kittens seem fully recovered and Kaylee is definately on the mend.  I finally ate some dinner.  I can't eat when i'm nervous so for about a week, i've been eating only once a day around 8pm.

i finished my dinner, sat for about an hour focusing on unwinding, loaded up Township (video game) things feeling a little more normal. Then, at 11pm, my Dad called. He explains that my mother is shivering and feverish and can't stand up. Oddly, the same symptoms at the kittens. She was taken by ambulance to the ER. Turns out my mother has a UTI and possible kidney infection. Of course my heart rate goes way up and I run to the bathroom getting sick (goodbye, dinner). Mom had this same thing about 5 weeks ago, and spent a week in the hospital. So now we're wondering if she ever fully recovered. And of course i'm worried about too many rounds of antibiotics causing C-diff and then sepsis. My mind wont shut up. I'm trembling, half crying, panicking.  

Mom's responding to the antibiotics, cats are recovering, but I can't seems to get my mind back to any sense of peace or calm or have any reasonable thoughts about positive outcomes. I'm watching all 6 cats like a hawk. The 3 that didn't get sick, I'm staring at them to make sure they eat, drink, poo and act normal. Any deviation from norm makes me panic. Every thought i have feels catastrophic and worst case scenario. Why the hell won't my hamster brain shut the F* up????  This is non-stop torture. I just wanna sleep and not wake up. (not suicide, just sleep).