Hello everyone. I've never posted here before but I have had health anxiety for almost my entire life. I can remember being 5 and watching the movie all dogs go to heaven and having a little kid breakdown asking my mom if I was going to die someday and if I would go to heaven. I've been terrified of dying ever since.

On February 17 I gave birth to my daughter via c-section. It was the most terrifying thing I've ever been through. I went in on Monday the 15 to be induced and after being in labor for 36 hours they decided I needed a c-section for the health of me and my baby. I've always had a fear of taking new medication so that part alone was scary at the hospital. I actuality ended up making a list and through my whole stay at the hospital I was introduced to 14 new medicines that I've never had before.

My c-section went smoothly and holding my daughter in my arms made me feel better about everything. I decided to take the full three days to recover in the hospital even though they would have released me on day two and thank God I decided to stay that extra day because the night of day two my blood pressure randomly decided to spike and it turned out I had developed post partum pre-eclampsia. They put me on magnesium sulfate which is a nightmare to be on. They ended up keeping me there for another two days while they treated me and tested my blood pressure medication until they were confident it was under control.

When I got home everything seemed great until about ten at night when I checked my bp and it was high again. I had to call an on call Dr and they gave me some symptoms to look out for and by 6am I was experiencing those symptoms so I had to rush around to find someone to take me back to the hospital since my poor husband was dealing with extreme sleep deprivation. Just getting a ride to the hospital was a stressful experience but once I got there I realized how awful it felt to be away from my daughter already. It felt like a physical pain to be separated from her.

I was only kept in the hospital overnight thankfully and they found out that the releasing Dr forgot to submit one of my prescriptions for bp meds so that was why my bp had spiked. I've been back home for a week now and my anxiety just has not let up. Every single day and sometimes multiple times throughout the day I have a new thing to worry about. It's to the point where I'm now anxious about the fact that my blood pressure is finally in the normal range being below 120/80. I'm worried that my bp is only showing normal because I have internal bleeding or something. I've also been having the expected constipation after giving birth and I'm worried that I actually have an intestinal blockage even though I saw the dr about it yesterday and they said it was normal and told me to take miralax.

On top of my anxieties about my own health I'm also constantly worried that my daughter isn't breathing or that she's too hot or too cold or has a lung infection. I wake up in a panic sometimes and have to get up to touch her belly to make sure she's breathing.

I just hate this anxiety so much and I wish I didn't have to deal with it so I can just focus on enjoying my only child. Thank you to anyone that actually took the time to read this novel I wrote. And thanks to anyone that feels like leaving an encouraging word.