I feel paralyzed most of the time. It always feels as if I'm pushing against a giant wall of water or that it's rushing around me on all sides. I feel so guilty and ashamed about not being able to do the things other people can like get a job and keep it, organize their day, have a conversation etc. One thing branches out into a thousand different scenarios and consequences of those scenarios. It's too much. 

I've read books on human behaviour for forever so I could try and just get an answer as to how to respond around other people or situations so they're not as overwhelming. But sometimes (or a lot of the times) it seems as if I'm the only one reading the books. I'm still lost because I still can't make sense of things and build solid ground.

I've been learning how to be myself without someone for 7 years but the isolation is killing me. I just don't know how to be myself because I'm always too much. Then I make myself smaller to conform and rage builds up which makes me more anxious.

I'm smart but all the things I'm nervous about have multiplied over and over to the extent that I can't function day to day and feel dumb and like I've fallen behind.

I used to have extreme amounts of energy that allowed me to be productive but I still couldn't finish post secondary.

Everyday feelslike I'm not doing enough but yet it feels like I've run a marathon and I've done very little. I just keep feeling pressure (real or perceived) about where I *should* be at this point in my life. I don't know how to slow everything down so I can take things step by step.

Some days it feels like I'mlosing my mind but then I feel guilty because people are juggling much more than me and making it work. Then I feel like I have no right to feel the way I do. Like I'm just lazy. But I just don't know how other people do it.

I need advice on stopping those thought branches that never end please.