So, now it's time to figure out what you want to do for you.

Empty nest, "Me' exploration time is how I view it. In other words, you have to change positively how you are going to move forward.

Empty nest - the 'mom' title goes to the side and you find the individual you are within, including the experiences of being a 'mom'.

Empty nest, Dream wild, be silly, do fun!

Empty nest, a job well done.

You got this. Keep writing, and keep on moving. Distract the usual thought pattern.

It’s so hard. I know that’s no excuse. There’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Believe it or not, I think COVID in the first year when colleges shut down and it was all work from home, I got spoiled again because both kids can home. That was the only positive COVID had to offer. Believe me I want it gone but I am just saying that was a consequence of COVID.
Both their lives have gotten busier. Unsure if I’ll even see them over Easter break because it’s really not a break for either of them.
And yes going to them , but I did recently twice. And my longing of course if everyone under our roof.
Anyway I am having a hard time. But I hear what you’re saying Mid.

am i out of line to be happy dancing for you, marian? to my senses, filling that empty nest void is easier than changing other people. filling a void remains a challenge, but a thoroughly obtainable one. changing other people is a fool's mission.

steadying support while you explore the potentials, marian.
it is hard, but you can do this. sort freely. sort often.

for what it's worth
i envy you that void. my sons were cases of failure to launch and i got to keep them both until they stank of middle age dysfunction, complete with elder abuse.

I know Arfie. I do not mean to sound "spoiled". But i am just a very lonely person.
I still have the husband. Things have been calm only because nothing of substance is discussed.
There are many people who love having this part of their life. I know that. It is definitely other things I am missing that makes me miss my kids the way I do.
As Mid said,I need to figure it out what I want to do.
With my anxiety being bad and having days I would rather (I do not do it) stay under the covers, the emptiness just goes along with it all.

Saw your post. Years ago when my only child left on her life adventure I felt like I was going to die and that a part of me was missing. It had been her and I since I was 16 and I didnt know anytime without her....but...it get's better. It's time for you to do things for you.

Thanks Broken Bridges.
We have a big house that is now empty.
It’s all memories here so it is definitely hard.
And to boot my husband and I are not the closest right now.

Ever think of getting a job? Or volunteering at local organizations? You have more to offer the world than you might think. Getting out of that house and all the memories would be good for you. You do have a choice here. As long as you have nothing to distract yourself from your misery, it will just keep gnawing at you, keeping you stuck in the rut. It’s not only fresh air that can clear the mind, but different scenery too.

Yes mtd, I have actually gone as far as interviewing and getting the job! My fear right now in my life is my anxiety and that I would have problems fulfilling my obligations.
I truly have a ton of computer work here and so much to do that I could be busy 24 hours a day. I will start doing things and then get that feeling that something bad is going to happen. It's like if I am not in a bad place I should be. I obviously have things to work through.
But yes I agree getting out can make you feel better. I try my best to leave the house everyday.

Read the reply I left for you on your post yesterday. We can discuss it if you like. I think you are making progress, it shows in your posts. They don’t seem to have that element of desperation feeling to them as much.

Hi there , I saw this and hope you are feeling better.

Have you thought about getting a pet to help fill that void? Or taking a vacation to get away?

Not to be bias, but I personally recommend going to your local shelter and getting a cat. I’m not much of a dog person, but there is something about owning a cat! They love snuggling with you while you watch TV…sleeping with you at night.

My cat tragically passed away at 17 due to age, but man….she was an angel. Her name was Olive…and she really got me through some serious hard times in my early 20s….when I was at my lowest with anxiety.

I don’t know if you have a pet now or not, and I apologize in advance if you do…because this isn’t all that helpful….but seriously…I highly recommend getting a pet. The unconditional love they give is irreplaceable…and I miss mine terribly. If I didn’t have incredibly young kids right now I would adopt another one.

Hugs to you

Hi jammerw1
I happen to have 2 labradors and a cat.
I also am a cat person.
My family wanted the dogs. The dogs are great but I get anxious over them with their health
Would you believe my cat is 17 right now? He is the best thing that has ever happened to me as well!!
Cats are great. I always had a cat.
Thanks for the hugs as well.

I think part of what’s nice about having a job is that it can also create interaction, connection and camaraderie with coworkers which can be a nice diversion, a way to distract from the anxious thoughts. Volunteer work can do the same.

Glad you are trying to get out and do things. I agree you sound like you making progress. You said “It's like if I am not in a bad place I should be.” I think that is a really astute observation and I totally get what you mean.

Yes rmb. It is when I actually am accomplishing or doing things, I will all the sudden pause and say, wait, something bad may happen or I should be worrying.
I wonder if this is anxiety?

For me, it’s my habitual, learned thought patterns that have been formed by anxiety.

I am the youngest in my family, and so the last to move out. Not even 2 weeks after I left, my parents had changed my whole childhood bedroom into an office for my Dad. He painted it, got new flooring... the whole room was completely different. I didn't know they had done any of this. I was a bit hurt at first, to be honest, like - Wow I guess I won't ever be moving back home.... no room for me anymore.

But, I quickly got over it, and it was great for my parents to have an extra room in their house, to do with it what they wanted to. They were really happy about it.

So, I was thinking if you could do the same with your kids' old bedrooms? Redecorate them all into your own spaces. Craft room, sitting room... whatever you want it to be.

Are your kids' bedrooms still the same and look like they have never been touched?

I was thinking that changing up their rooms into what you want, would be a fun and good thing for you.