today I woke up feeling on edge. I had some blood work that needed done at the hospital, knowing my discomfort for needles I went in headstrong hoping to stare this in the face and not let it stop me from doing what I need to do. Well, afterwards I was worse than going in so I finally called the counseling center and explained to them what had been going on. By the grace of God 2 people cancelled appointments and they were able to get me in. Even just the initial visits evaluation was helpful. Just talking to someone who didn’t know me, someone I could pour it out to with no judgement or hurting their feelings was such a relief. I thought what I was going through was serve anxiety. Turns I classify as panic disorder and PTSD. I watched a number a things a child should not be exposed to as a kid and over the years I’ve suppressed those thoughts and feelings....so I thought. They lay in the back of my subconscious fueling the fight or flight thoughts and feelings and I believe that they are the root of my mental issues. I feel like as a man it’s hard for us to swallow our pride and seek help because how out of touch we are with our emotions really and how we can’t been seen as “weak”. Men, don’t be ashamed. Everyone needs help sometimes. Don’t let your pride get in the way of seeking it.....to follow up from my last post....still no word from my doctors office about a different medication...and honestly I’d rather do this natural anyways. I’ve beaten 2 drug addictions in my past and I’ll be damned if I start a new one.