Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hello. I need some advice on how to deal with a partner who doesn't believe my anxiety. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years now and been suffering from anxiety for most of my life. I try to deal with it on my own and with just my therapist but not being able to fully open up to my boyfriend is really bothering me. When he first saw my anxiety attacks,he actually smiled and laughed in disbelief I was "freaking out" over nothing. I believe he said I was being ridiculous. I've tried to explain to him many times I cannot control it and he would insist I wasn't doing enough to control it. In his mind, it was simple. I just needed to be stronger. Luckily, I rarely have anxiety/panick attacks anymore but I deal with generalized anxiety constantly. I go to therapy sometimes twice a week and we have figured out that my childhood trauma has caused my anxiety and that my relationship triggers it. I would really love to be able to share how I'm feeling without him criticizing me and making me feel like it's all in my head. It's hard enough dealing with anxiety everyday and even harder to not sometimes have a shoulder to cry in or just somebody who cares and will listen. I just want him to believe me and he doesn't. So because I can't talk to him about it, it has caused me to keep it inside. I have to pretend I'm ok and doing fine. I have to put on a fake smile to get through the day and this has caused anger to build up inside. I'm angry and resentful towards him for not caring or believing me. I feel like I have to be a fake person around him. I dont even know if he really knows me. The crazy thing is, he suffers from depression and I comfort him and support him through it. I don't think it's just an issue with him not understanding but just believing anything I say in general. My arm could be falling off in front of his eyes and he wouldn't believe it. It's like he thinks he knows more than me. Any advice on how to handle this or any similar stories?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
One idea would be to ask him to go to a therapy session with you. Maybe if a professional explains it to him, he will be more likely to believe it is real.
So many times, I walk around like I am perfectly normal and fine and I would bet that 90% of people I encounter in any given day, would have no idea that I have a serious anxiety disorder.
Some people don't believe what they can't "see".
Well, you know it's real. So I guess you just have to ignore his comments and if you're feeling anxious, he is just going to have to deal with it.
Partners don't have to fix eachother mental health problems, they should just be there for eachother and be supportive. It sounds like he is not doing that at all. You should not have to change yourself and hide your mental health just to make someone happy.
It sounds toxic and I bet if you left him your anxiety would ease up. I've learned that when I try to hide the anxiety it gets a million times worse. Being around people that love me and accept me anxiety and all, makes me feel so much more safe and happy.
I'm sorry if it's mean for me to say this stuff I don't want to sound rude about your bf. I don't know anything about him other than what you've said and it just seems like you are in a pretty tough situation. But everyone on this support group is very friendly and helpful so if you ever need support through this, you're in the right place.
I definitely feel the relationship is unbalanced. I have been there though all of his issues but when I have any it’s a huge inconvenience. I don’t want him to fix me but like you said, just be supportive. I’m handling my own issues but want him to just be there and supportive if I need him to be.
I use healthy boundaries between my loved ones and my psychotherapy to help me cope. I let my loved ones be supportive **as** loved ones while I carry my psychoweirds to my psychotherapy network for sorting and remediation. It takes a village to live a healthy life and the arrangement works well. I don't hide any portion myself from my loved ones, but I don't continually hold them responsible for my well-being, either. It be a question of balance.
But that is me. . .
Gentle support while you find the balance which works for you.
getting through the feelings on leaving for good. My husband also thought I was over reacting when we were first dating. I have had GAD and OCD all my life. He wasn't real supportive. But he didn't say much. It took him years of being married to me to finally accept my anxiety completely. But he would never tell me I liked being anxious. You need somebody supportive of you.
The biggest thing I will say with anxiety is that it is natural. Which means it is a part of everyone. That being said, you are NOT responsible for what anyone else says, does, reacts and responds. You are responsible for what you say, do, react, and respond. When you change your response to fit your well-being first, it changes their usual response as it no longer fits. Sometimes, it gets worse before it gets better.
My family has those who understand and those who do not understand. I do not expect them to change, nor do I share my anxiety with them. I just do the techniques that calm me in the moment and when I am alone, I express those feelings in safe place.
If anxiety is not accepted in the relationship, then the relationship has a major "missing" connection. It is possible to have a successful relationship with this.
It becomes important to understand that the best acceptance you're going to get in this relationship is not what you want (support, understanding, encouragement, and calm). If you're willing to step outside of that, knowing you are stronger than the anxiety surrounding this relationship, then you're on the right track for your healing.
The key here is to put your well-being first, and learn your anxiety in the relationship, how it affects your thinking, your actions, and your self.
The question I had to ask myself was it worth putting my self into a direct anxiety situation to be with this person, knowing that I would probably display a form of open anxiety.
You are the one who has to make the choice with unexpected and unintended consequences.
Best wishes finding your better balance.
I'm sorry that your partner is not being supportive of what you are dealing with. I want to encourage you to talk to someone you can trust. If you have a close friend that you are comfortable sharing your feelings with, it would be better to talk to her. It’s very important to have someone you can walk with on this journey.
I hope things go well for you. You are in my prayers. Please keep us posted.
I tried dating a few years ago, but quickly found it to be EXACTLY like this. they alllllllll "just want to have a good time" and when it stops being "fun" then suddenly youre the crazy one. I got sick of having to "pretend" or make everything "nice" for them, when they weren't worth the energy, and certainly not worth putting them above myself.
so I agree w/everyone that you need to do what's best for YOU, and your anxiety, and not HIM. trying to be someone else for his benefit isn't working, it's only making the anxiety worse, and like you said, resent and hate him, and it certainly wouldn't work even if you could keep up the act. so I would just be honest and say that his lack of support and refusal to acknowledge your issues is only making it worse, and you need to focus on yourself and therapy and do what's best for you, and apparently, sadly, that doesn't include him.
Kind of made me feel like she wasn't taking me serious at first.
Over the next couple of years suffering in silence and putting the fake smile on my anxiety seemed to only get worse. To the point I can barely walk out side anymore.
I had real heart to heart with my wife. And even though she really doesn't understand what I am going through. I can really feel the love and compassion coming from her. It made feel a little better knowing she cares and supports me in my path to finding peace.
I am sorry your boyfriend is not being supportive of what you are going through.
Whatever decision that you make regarding him I hope you find peace and comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
I just want him to listen and understand that how I’m feeling is very real. I literally feel like I’m dying inside and the one person I want to reach out for comfort is him. I want him to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay.
I don’t need him to fix it but just listen and be there. I want him to reach out and hold my hand. I really want to feel that he is there to support me and that he believes in me.
I don’t want to leave him but I wish there was a way to make him understand.