Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My alcoholic husband moved back into our house 3 weeks ago after being with OW for a year. He told me he wanted our marriage to work. I was happy but anxious.
Since then he has been drinking a great deal more and staying out all night. This was his pattern before he moved out before. He was seeing OW and telling me he was just driving around. My anxiety peaked a week ago and I got in trouble at work. I am a teacher. I was given a mandatory week off to get it under control.
I attended Alanon meetings every day sometimes twice a day for that week. I swore I wasn't going to fall into the pit of his disease but I did. I started checking his phone records and noticed he has been texting 100 times a day. It's not to me!! He checks his voice mail several times a day. There are phone numbers that are not familiar to me.
He texting me the other night and said he was in trouble with the police. He called another woman to come and get him instead of me. I have been shaking, and shaking, for days. I am taking Xanax several times a day. He did give me her address to come and get him. He wanted his truck and this woman refused to take him back to it.
Well now I know where this woman lives. So I went there to confront them both. His truck was there. I knocked on her door then walked right in. I asked her if she was sleeping with my husband. He was right there. He was furious with me. He claims she's just a friend he works with. Well why is he spending all this time with her?? Why wouldn't he introduce her to me if she is just a co-worker???
I am at the height of my anxiety. Here I go again.
Since then he has been drinking a great deal more and staying out all night. This was his pattern before he moved out before. He was seeing OW and telling me he was just driving around. My anxiety peaked a week ago and I got in trouble at work. I am a teacher. I was given a mandatory week off to get it under control.
I attended Alanon meetings every day sometimes twice a day for that week. I swore I wasn't going to fall into the pit of his disease but I did. I started checking his phone records and noticed he has been texting 100 times a day. It's not to me!! He checks his voice mail several times a day. There are phone numbers that are not familiar to me.
He texting me the other night and said he was in trouble with the police. He called another woman to come and get him instead of me. I have been shaking, and shaking, for days. I am taking Xanax several times a day. He did give me her address to come and get him. He wanted his truck and this woman refused to take him back to it.
Well now I know where this woman lives. So I went there to confront them both. His truck was there. I knocked on her door then walked right in. I asked her if she was sleeping with my husband. He was right there. He was furious with me. He claims she's just a friend he works with. Well why is he spending all this time with her?? Why wouldn't he introduce her to me if she is just a co-worker???
I am at the height of my anxiety. Here I go again.
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On Saturday, while I was at yard sales with my best friend, my lawn guy texted me that he did my lawn. This costs me $70 every two weeks or so. I don't have great grass so sometimes, he skips. Anyway, I paid him on CashApp when I got home. On Sunday morning, he texted me again, to say goodbye because he was moving. My little thinking cap went on and I thought about how I am healthier...
I think that you have a serious and clear life problem that would create anxiety in anyone. It's not for me to tell you whether and how to continue your relationship with your husband, but I will say that in my own life, one of the best things I ever did was making a firm commitment to not let myself be mistreated and to not subject myself to people who didn't respect me and treat me well.
It's hard because your husband needs help, but he seems to be dragging you down instead of letting you pull him up.
Please keep us up to date on how you're doing.
Hopefully, one day you will wake up and say "No more. I'm not doing this anymore." That is my true wish for you and I am so sorry for whatever you have gone through that makes you feel like this life is good enough for you.
I have been where you are, in a similar relationship, and I thank God that I finally had enough and woke up. Looking back on that relationship now, I can see that my willingness to put up with what I did, was very anxiety based and it wasn't so much about the man who mistreated me....but more to with my need to change him and make him value me and treat me with respect.
I was waiting around for him to decide I was worthy and it became this compulsive challenge of mine to convince him that he loved me. Its a very complex thing that is hard to see when you are in the midst of all the drama and emotion and anxiety. I hope your level of disgust rises so much that you hit "bottom" and vow to never put up with him again. That is what saved me and that is what will save you. Sending you hugs.
I'm questioning continuing my relationship with him too. I don't think he'll ever treat me with respect. I clearly don't trust him. It's just a matter of how long I want to play act with him.
I want so much more for myself, my adult children, and my grand children. I guess I need to face this head on. That is my personality and I have lost that part of myself. I have always been direct. Some people think that I am too blunt or rude sometimes. But I have learned that I imagine much worse things if I don't address the issues right away. It's like punishing a child for breaking a rule but waiting 5 days to do it. They have forgotten the incident and can't understand why they are being punished.
I've been ignoring all the signs creating a huge amount of anxiety. It needs to STOP!!
Now change the locks. Kick that dirtbag to the kerb. He clearly has someplace else to go. :)