Now I have a question and I would like honest answers...... should I notify his family. For you oldies you now the crap they have done and for newbies who do not know my story I will sum it up in a nut shell,

Mother, sister, 2 daughters (43 and 36), grown son (32) have not contacted him since Fall of 2009. They were rude and belligerent on visits previous to that. OMG! Have I been on this site that long?

Dear Deb,

So glad and so sorry for you...and Rollie too....

Talk about this valley of tears.....

Maybe sit with your thoughts and feelings about his family for a bit, until you feel you can and will live with whatever you decide with no regrets or bad feelings...

With my husband's family which has been pretty much absent and
I think very selfish, I have tried to 'take the high road' ...for myself, not for them...because I don't want to have one more thing to feel guilty and bad about....which is how I would feel if I actually let them have it which I fantasize about but actually come on here and write out my anger and rage at them......

Do what is right and good for YOU.

I am so sorry you are entering this new and difficult part of the path....but hope you will get a lot LOT of help....

Love and prayers,
Marianne

Thanks, Marianne, I kept a journal for about a year of things I would like to say to his family, just writing it down helped a lot.

So sorry to hear about Rollie.

As was said earlier, take the High Road.....

It might be difficult, it might cause more grief for you, but as an honorable woman (IMHO), I do think you should notify his family

From my vantage point ( after) I would let them know. Then you will have no 2nd guessing or regrets after. Your conscious will be clear.

You can be the bigger person.. even if they are tiny, little people who don't deserve your consideration.

Believe me.. there will be enough questions after.... about why you didn't do this.. or that. Don't let this be one of them.

Holding you in my heart..

I agree. Let them know. Keep it simple. A quick phone call or email is fine.

After just struggling with the same sort of problem with Carl's oldest daughter ( who lives near, but never came or called), I decided not to stoop to her level. I have kept her informed, talk politely and nice to her when we are in the same spot. I do NOT feel the closeness that I do with his son and younger daughter, but she will never be able to say I didn't let her know what was happening. What she does with the info is totally up to her and in your case....tell them and let them do what they will with it. You don't have to be in constant contact or beg them to do anything, just inform and let them live with what ever choices they make.

I hope this helps.. I am so glad you are getting help and I know what you mean about being relieved and crying at the same time.
Damn disease...SHIT ! SHIT! SHIT!
LOVE,
cAROLYN

Well, Deborah, I did tell my children and they are doing everything they can to get him off Hospice. They will just not accept the fact that their dad is going to die. But, I felt like they should know. It is the "shits".

Debbie you just need to follow your conscience. I think I would just drop them a short hand-written note and share that their Dad has been put on hospice and leave the rest up to them. That is what I would do because if I spoke with them on the phone I think my anger would take over and I might regret what I would say.

Love & prayers

I'm glad you are getting the help you need now, Deb.
I faced a somewhat simiar situation with my husband's brother and family when he was admitted to a nursing home. They had not called for several months and I heard from another relative that his brother cannot deal with the fact of his brother having AD.
I wrestled with what to do and it was keeping me awake nights. Finally with the support of friends I decided to email them just to let them know he is in a nursing home. They still have not visited but at least I'm able to sleep better at night knowing I wrote that email.
It's terribly sad and it hurts like hell, especially since they are only a half hour drive away.
Give yourself a few days and then do whatever feels right to you and whatever you can live.

Dear Deb; I am so glad Hospice opened their eyes and realized Rollie was ready. Its a double edge sword , you are glad someone is going to help but the word Hospice still seems to indicate pending death! BUT.....thats no more true than it was before they took his case than it was before:) His time isn't going to change just the fact that they will be there for both of you does. I felt the same as you happy and sad all at the same time .......but then it settled in and I realized it is a good thing not a death sentence. The registered nurse told me with Alzheimers its very different than cancer or other diseases in which Hospice gets involved. They pretty much do go along with the 6 mos or less but not Alzheimer's. She told me there are some that have been on it for 2 years...but since Alz can never get better or go in to remission they just recertify and keep going. So my friend for us this is just positive no negative. Welcome their help with open arms they are there for us as well as our spouse.

I hope you are feeling a little better since talking to your therapist. I think as I just said in the post to Sharon some of us are just worn out , plain and simple..... it been so long. We love our guys dearly but don't love Alzheimer's or what it has done to all of us.

You are in my prayers and always remember I love you as all your DS friends do..Sherri (Sherbear2)

OOPS.forgot about his family.

I know you will decide to tell them because that is who you are! They are the thoughtless ones. I would tell them out of respect for your husband and what they do is up to them.

We can only be responsible for our own actions.

Well, I sent them a a one line email- Hospice is coming Monday. That's all. The rest is up to them. Oh, i HATE them, truly I do, forgive me for that but I do.

Ok, his oldest daughter already responded. "What is Hospice? and how do people get help in home, I have health problems too"

always about them first, brats

Deb, I think you handled his family in the way that was best for you. You gave it plenty of thought beforehand. They have been notified. You have done your job. They were hateful. When you needed help they opted out. Some day perhaps in the long future you may come to think they were weak and pathetic people who just could not face the truth.

Right now the focus is on you and Rollie and Hospice. They are wonderful support. Let them give you lots of care as well as Rollie.
We here are all with you hugging you and sendng our love. You are not alone.