Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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You may not understand.....but I could be mistaken

acinorev92
acinorev92
I'm 20 years old..which you may think is too young to have a problem with alcohol..yes, I've heard it...but truth is I do have a real problem..

The part many won't understand...is I do allow myself to drink socially, with very specific rules for myself. I can't be craving it because of the addiction, be angry, sad, or depressed...all emotions that pushed me to alcohol & caused me to have so many issues..

I went cold turkey for a year, absolutely no alcohol with the exception of a couple honest slip ups, not thinking about it & having a sip of champagne/wine at a family holiday/party. It was really hard, but it gave me the willpower I have today.

I may have strong willpower, but that doesn't mean I don't struggle just as everyone else does... This christmas season has been especially hard on me... A year ago to this day I was unexpectedly, unknowingly pregnant..not at all in my plan..only, I didn't know I was pregnant till after many pointless doctors visits in which I was complaining of pain until new years day (2am) I was in so much pain we called 911 & at 4am the ambulance came...I miscarried a couple hours later in the hospital. It wasn't at all planned, and I thought I'd be okay..I was in shock for a while but I moved past it.. But, this holiday season, knowing that a year ago I was pregnant has caused me to fight with severe depression...and it's taking every part of me to turn alcohol away...I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to turn it away tho...

The hardest time is coming, I made it through christmas, but I'm not sure I can handle new years without some support from people who are pushing the bottle away as well..

I almost caved last night...it was one of the worst nights I've had...I can't believe how close I came to caving, but I'm also so proud of myself. I just don't think I can keep doing it alone...
deleted_user
deleted_user
It makes me sad reading this - it might be best if you just stop the alcohol altogether with that strong willpower of yours. It can be a deadly dance you know.

Please get some help if you find you can't stop drinking altogether - I would urge you to do that.
acinorev92
acinorev92
I did cut it out for a year, and it was the hardest year of my life.. I'm around alcohol a lot, and my family doesn't know I've struggled with it. This past few days celebrating christmas with my family was extremely difficult because alcohol was pushed on me so much..

I have considered cutting it out all together again, it seems I'm at a point where I have to cut it out during certain months.. Mid december-mid january especially...

I'll be seeing my grief counselor in the new year, just have to make it through without her, hence my search for support online...

Thank you for your support PradaPrincess :) I appreciate it, every bit helps :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Why not confide in your family about your problems with alcohol - they could be your strongest support.

I can also recommend AA - that's what helped me to get and stay happily sober. Lots of face to face support there.
nelliefay
nelliefay
Hi, Just to say I don't think you're too young to have a problem with alcohol - not at all. You obviously have a lot of strength. I'm glad you're getting counselling in the new year. I'd recommend getting support for your sobriety - it makes it that much easier. i do AA, but there's other support out there, like Smart Recovery and a few others. I couldn't stay sober without help - lots of it!!!! good luck.
1is2many
1is2many
I will say that I wish I had the wherewithall to realize that I had a problem at age 20 ( That would have been 19 years ago, about 5000 hangovers, around 25,000 dollars, and a whole lot of heartache ago). I too quit for 2 years about 7 years ago... I did it by "white - knuckling" or straight will power... I was miserable. I sat on the side of my bed and just was pissed off at the fact that I was an alchy.. then I drank again. (fast forward to six months ago) I got to where I was drinking everyday, lots, and then one sunday I woke up and could not live like that anymore, the headaches, the powerlessness, so I was either going to kick the door down and go die drunk or get sober, i chose the second.

But this time it is different... I am not miserable, I do not hate life, I do not have to "white=knuckle" it and just rely on willpower. I found a AA room and a bunch of other people just like me. I was nt alone and I have other people that I can talk to relate to. Have a good time with.

I know we are different and I have not experienced anything like the trauma that you have but I wish you the best in your life. We alchys are very strong minded and independant. That is one of our faults. Reach out , like you have here, and find some other people and go talk to them FACE TO FACE. You will be better. GL

1is2many
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've met people in the rooms of AA younger than you - hope you take some action to quit drinking altogether.
stickywick
stickywick
Yes I agree with the others. I was we'll into addiction by 20 and went "cold turkey" many times for periods of a few months to years. Finally many years later and into my addictive behavior and then into alcoholism I'd finally had enough and went to AA. It's been a cake walk compared to untreated alcoholism either active or just cold turkey "so driety"
S when you are ready to be done AA is here as are other great programs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I got sober with AA too - I am so grateful for how my life has turned around.

I could not fight this on my own, it was bigger than me. The good people in AA showed me the way out of my dilemma and I don't have to fight wanting to drink anymore. The desire to drink has been removed.

I wish you well.
LornaR
LornaR
I was totally alcoholic by age 14. Had I faced my difficulties way back then I would not have damaged myself so badly. I got sober the last time at 44. Protect your brain. Life has a lot to offer if you can get that in perspective and that does mean I had to quit clouding my judgement with drugs and alcohol, hell I even had to quit sugar! And I am so glad I have and I wish I would have when I was 20. I caused myself and those I love a great deal of pain by being a slave to addiction.

Life is hard, it's confusing. I don't need any further complications thank you very much! :) Best of luck to you.
acinorev92
acinorev92
Thank you everyone for your support.
I haven't confided in my family particularly because when I tried to bringup my depression many years back it was brushed off and ignored... It's honestly the main reason I will never resolve my issues with my mom. That, as well as my obvious eating disorders and sliced open wrists that my family flat out ignored. The only time I have problems with alcohol is when my depression creeps back in...I saw my grief counselor becasue I was raped when I was 12 and needed some real help.. It took less than a year of therapy and 7years of PTSD was resolved. But I got pregnant early december of last year...didn't know until I was in the hospital new years day at 4am & miscarried around 8am...it was in my left tube...and I thought I was okay afterwards..didn't feel the need to seek help... But december of this year hit and it's killing me... And the urge to drink is stronger than it's ever been..not only the urge to drink, but my old habbits as well...things I haven't done in years...pills & self harm.. I haven't, I've stayed strong, but it's honestly the depression that sets off my alcoholism... When I'm not depressed I'm okay..I can have a couple deinks and it's okay.. But when I'm depressed I have to cut it out cold turkey..and having it be christmas & new years, trying to cut alcohol out is one of the hardest things to do.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Revisiting a past issue is a normal part of processing........But in meditation, one learns not to HOLD ONTO the thoughts.....Sit quietly and watch the thought come in to your head and flow by....do not stop it and examine it.....If you practice this you will learn to quiet your mind.....if the thought comes in.....we can't control that, but we do have help letting it go.....
You have done alot of good work and let go alot.....but it is an ongoing process....The more you want to be "finished" the more it is controlling you......Sometimes we need to practice what we know how to do and become stronger in that practice....
acinorev92
acinorev92
I'll keep that in mind... I managed to let go of the fact I was raped..I did that before going to counseling but the ptsd still caused problemsin mylife. It's not an easy thing to let go of...it's effected my future as well..and that's something that's not easy to let go of and be okay with..
stickywick
stickywick
I can so relate to your pain, and the shame, and for me there is anger too. I particularly relate to the reality of a family in denial. I too was raped as a young teen. Before that I was molested for years by a male family member, then by the father of a friend. I too had an eating disorder, drug, alcohol, and other issues. I was a train wreck in so many obvious ways and my mom ignored it. My therapist said I had severe PTSD...something I'd never considered. AA , the 12 steps, and a strong spiritual practice have allowed me peace I never thought possible. I can't tell you I've forgiven my mom, but I've let go of my rigid expectations while acknowledging the pain, and also even seeing my part in it. That part has given me the ability to let it go, to surrender, and to live not just sober but thankful, happy, and productively.
I've come a long way, and god willing have a long way to go. The journey is the blessing.
You deserve to be happy...and free.
acinorev92
acinorev92
Thank you for your support and understanding stickywick. I have tried to repair my relationship with my mom and have tried to forgive her and understand that she must have been in denial or something...but it's so hard to forgive.. She saw my scars, and chose to ignore them. She saw how unhealthily thin I was and how sickly I looked and chose to ignore that as well.. I understand it was hard on her too, but I almost killed myself on numerous occassions and my family did nothing to help. My dad wasn't around anymore, he decided to completely walk out (move an hour away) when I had just entered highschool, but I have forgiven him & we now have a great relationship. He put the effort in to repair the damage, and I feel that made the difference. I am happy to hear you & your mom have worked your problems out& you are living a great life and are staying sober, it's can be a trying task! Icongratulate you on making it this far and support you in your future endeavors. Be strong & keep moving along!
stickywick
stickywick
Aci. --- I know with my mother she saw but didnt "see." My sister almost died right in front of her...wound up in the hospital close to having her arm and leg amputated and my mom continued (continues) to live in denial about her drug use. She was so blind to reality that she saw my sister *daily* and didnt "notice" she was pregnant. And let me tell you..my mom's no idiot. Masters degrees in guess what? Conflict resolution. it would be hysterical except its... just not.
And yes my mom had a therapist tell the entire family "Your daughter (me) has an eating disorder. Its a family disease. I need to see all of you to help you all heal." My mom said "no its HER issue not ours" and never went back to that therapist. Just sent me.
My therapist said I'd have had to have died to get my moms attention. Its true. Might be true for you too. But that doesnt make us alcoholic. And thank GOD the solution isnt contingent on anyone else. I drank because I am physically different. I like the way it made me feel. I have a physical allergy, a mental obsession and a spiritual malady. That is what makes me alcoholic. Not rape, not molestation, not abuse, not a mom who didnt care or a dad who said he hated children. Nope I can recover despite all that "stuff." And the beauty is today my story can help someone else.
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