Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Wife of an alcoholic.... very lost

Liz8109061981
Liz8109061981

We've been together for 10yrs. He's always been a drinker. Over the past year and a half he has become very dependent on alcohol. To the point that he shakes when there isnt alcohol in his system. And if he goes longer than 12hrs he begins to vomit. He has lost 2 jobs now in one year. And refuses to seek help. I've said it all to him to try to get him to get help...even asked why he would want to make me a widow at 40yrs old. ((I know...harsh but you run out of things to say or do))


I am continplating seperation...but I know that will send him even further off the edge. 


I fear for his life... we already know his liver enzymes are high. His cough is awful due to his mucus being so thick that he cant even get it to come out. He's already had an alcohol withdrawal seizure (cause of termination at 2nd job this year). He was sober for 48hours in the hospital. His liver enzymes dropped tremendously just in that short period. But...he still refuses to get help. He went home from the hospital and grabbed a bottle on the way home.


I do believe while I am at work he starts drinking as soon as the door closes(7:30am) and he keeps going until bed. 


We were "trying" for 3yrs... that has stopped. Because his semen analysis' just kept getting worse. And having intercourse with a person who can barely hold himself up is very unappealing. 


I try to explain to him how I feel...but it always turns around on him blaming someone else for his drinking.


Or I get... "I drank when we got together...why is it a problem now" speech. Well---cause now your addicted. Than...you could go 3-4 days without.


I try to not scream...so I hide in our bedroom from the time I get home from work until I leave for work. I now dread the damn weekend. Cause I know on Saturday n Sunday morning I'm going to wake up to him drunk....and it will continue until he passes out. I'm afraid to leave the house cause I dont know what will happen if I'm gone for an extended time period. 


I try not to blame him...but I dont know how not to. He gets himself so hammered that he literally loses his mind... talking to himself...starts arguments with people that didnt look at him or talk to him (my neighbors think he's crazy)...he walks into things...bounces off walls...hurts himself (not intentionally)...in the cold he will shake so bad that he falls over.


----I don't know what to do anymore. I lost my husband mentally. 

Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
I am sorry you are in this situation.

The bad news - you can't save your husband. Until the consequences of this drinking are so painful that getting sober become attractive, he will continue to drink.

The good news - you can save yourself. I would suggest counseling and/or Ala-non and going thru with the separation.

No answers from me, but my prayers to you and him.
Liz8109061981
Liz8109061981
Yes. Thank you for the reply. I am at that point. Where all I can do now is save myself.
I do have family that now know what is going on...however they do not know how long this has been going on. So their thoughts are.... help him...save your marriage. But I cant help him if he is not willing.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
Yes, he has to be willing. And if he isn't, you are just wasting your time and energy. Time and energy better spent on your well being.

Good luck.
smccarthy
smccarthy
Now that you have family that knows you could try a family intervention. That got me to go to treatment and I am so glad that I did. It is hard to convince someone they are addicted. Addiction is the only disease that can convince ourselves that there is nothing wrong with us.
LindsayAlone
LindsayAlone
I am sorry you’re in this situation. I was also married to an alcoholic. I put a lot of time, love, & understanding into our relationship hoping he would stop. He had the same symptoms as your man. It came to the point where I had to save myself. I don’t ever regret separating and divorcing bc it was ruining my life & I couldn’t make him better. That cute lies within them. Hugs.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
I can relate. My parents were both alcoholics and every time I stopped in to visit them, my heart would be in my throat because I wouldn't know what I was going to find when I walked through the door of their house, Would they be alive, or would I be the one to find them dead? Fortunately, my father survived but my mother passed from cirrhosis at the age of 52. I carried alot of guilt over that for 30 years until it triggered an addiction that nearly took my life....First it was narcotic pain killers and then it was alcohol when I couldn't find anymore pills. When I had enough punishment, I got help. First detox, then an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) and then it was 3 months of counseling. AA meetings were also a necessary part of my treatment. I am alive today by the Grace of God and all the people who helped me on the road to recovery.

You can clearly see what alcoholism is doing to him ......but LOOK at what his drinking is doing to YOU!

You need a mountain of support for yourself and Al-anon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area,. I highly recommend.

https://al-anon.org/

God Bless
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
I’m sorry he pulled you into his downward spiral. And it really does increase as the addiction consumes his mind. I remember that blackness of despair. I only pulled myself out by a serious accident that caused such pain it shifted my perception. Once I got sober and began healing myself and my marriage she told me that she wanted to leave but the strain over time had sucked her spirit to the point where she was just going through the motions of life. Please don’t waste your precious time, seek the help the others suggested. You deserve a healthy life!!!
1is2many
1is2many
Leave and maybe he will decide to do something. We alcoholics will not change until the pain is so great that we finally decide to seek help. I suggest leaving. 1-2
Flashreturns
Flashreturns
Bring in the Calvary. Get his family involved. Look at rehab centers . Talk to a psychiatrist and get options. Then give him an ultimatum. You might have to move out temporarily.
Read up on the issue. Know your enemy
RiSober
RiSober
I got sober at age 59, and am now over ten years sober. Get yourself to Al-Alon and get YOURSELF all the help you can get. Although I do hear occasionally in my AA meetings that "spouse-ordered" or "court ordered" AA works, generally that is not the case and the alcoholic needs to WANT to get sober. AA co-founders Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob are quite clear about that in the 1939 book 'Alcoholics Anonymous." I do not believe that you have to donate your life to your husband. Thinking of you, and praying for you.
sadandunsettled
sadandunsettled
AA M
SAVES MY LIFE. I was drinking Jon stop o am now 10 months sober.. I admit that it is hard to stop hit once you get through the side effects, which were horrendous because I went cold Turkey, you are on your way to recovery.
sadandunsettled
sadandunsettled
AA M
SAVES MY LIFE. I was drinking Jon stop o am now 10 months sober.. I admit that it is hard to stop hit once you get through the side effects, which were horrendous because I went cold Turkey, you are on your way to recovery..
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