Drank ALWAYS to get drunk-to escape myself, from a young teen to age 38. Never was fun really. Always was chasing fun, the idea of fun. I was mostly drinking to forget and to slowly commit suicide.

My answer is to embrace myself-warts and all! Live in the now, appreciate life, my health, my many many blessings, and to tolerate my pitfalls.


I don't try to escape pain anymore, and I don't run and hide when I feel crappy or mad. I actually walk through this painful crap and holy heck, I get over it!

My fears are illusions I have found. What a revelation that has been. Having nothing to fear and faith that it is all going to be ok as long as I don't booze it up has set me free.

At first I drank because I liked it.Then I drank because that's what we did for fun. Then I drank more and more. And more. And I drank because I couldn't imagine life without drinking. I spent much of my time when I was NOT drinking planning for when I would be drinking.

I knew I had a real problem for years, but I just ignored it and kept drinking. "Someday" I would quit. I thought for sure I would end up in a rehab or hospitalized or at least in AA. I never really tried to quit, I pushed that thought out of my mind. It was easy to do with another few gulps of vodka.

When I realized I couldn't stop, I didn't make excuses. I said, Oh shit, I'm an alcoholic,. And I kept drinking.

And then I stopped. For me the solution isn't AA. But like you, HTL, it is clear to me that there is NO GOOD REASON to take another drink,. The obsession/addiction that tells me it is okay to drink is just that, an obsession and an addiction.

For me the solution started with a clear realization that I had to quit, and a decision that I made to quit. I guess I made the decision on an intellectual level and an emotional level. But I don't think that has kept me sober. I don't think I would have been able to stop drinking for more than a day or two if that was how I decided to stop. I also made the decision at the spiritual level, if that makes sense. That is what has made the difference for me.

So I drank because I was an alcoholic, and now I don't drink because, well I guess because I am an alcoholic. And an ex-drinker.

at first i drunk as there so many ' problems' and i just wanted to numb it all but as i went thru the doctors opinion and more about alcoholism i learned after that 1st drink that it was the pheonmeon of craving that made me continue to drink and when i really wanted to stop i realized i couldnt stop ... so i guess i drunk in the end as i am a alcoholic

From the age of 14 until about the age of 33 I drank because I was chasing fun. I didn't think fun could be had without drinking. Then from 33-37, I drank to function, it ceased to be fun at all, it was a necessity.

I'd tell myself during those last 4-5 years that I needed to "cut back" but would always come up with an excuse to tell myself as to why I'd need to drink tonight even though I said that morning that I wouldn't.

Reasons like "my shows are on tonight", "I need to make a phone call tonight", "I'm in a good mood, I want it to continue", "I'm in a shitty mood, I had a bad day at work, I deserve it!", "it's Thursday!!!", "I can stop drinking if I want to! I just don't want to!!!"

and in regards to AA it was "I'm not like 'them'", "I can't get into that 'group stuff'", "I can't get into that 'cheesy recovery talk crap!'", "they're all a bunch of losers!", "I have a job.....and friends....and a home! I'm NOT an alcoholic!!"

Oh the list could go on for miles with all the lies I told myself.....

Like KK said, I don't run and hide in a bottle when I feel crappy, I work through it and it IS possible...and necessary for me to lead a happy, productive life! It's what "normal" people do!

Well, the first thing that came to mind when reading this is how well you're doing and it's really such a joy to see. :)

Like everyone else here, I drank to get drunk. From day 1. And from the beginning I was a blackout drinker. That didn't scare me, though. I thought it was normal. I really did. Thought it happened to everyone.

Ah, but the consequences. I put myself in very dangerous situations and after one of them I realized that I just couldn't live like that anymore. And I didn't for a very long time. Like you, AA saved my life.

When I made that decision many years later to pick up that glass of wine, I questioned the fact that I was an alcoholic. Maybe it was just a phase in my teens and early 20s. Well... it wasn't long before it spiraled out of control and drinking to get drunk on a daily basis. Then I drank because I needed to. KK talked about fears. The alcohol quelled the fears, then exacerbated them, and so it went. Every single day.

For me, I knew AA was the answer. It had worked before. I just didn't have the guts to go back there. Gee, what would they all think???

Thank God I mustered up the COURAGE to go back. I was very lucky that everyone who was around when I relapsed was still around when I went back. I had an immediate support system and have made lots of new friends as well. But, I do remember my first time around and how scary it was. But that didn't last very long. I did what you did... I jumped in with two feet... got involved in service and the steps.

Ha. We can all go on forever about this, but the bottom line is there really is NO REASON to drink. Life is too good. And if I continue working my Program, it will remain that way.

Love ya WW!! ;)

~Chris

I chased why for awhile. But chasing why is just about wanting a cure , wanting to keep drinking without the trouble. why doesn't matter.

Interesting question!
From age 20-30 I'd say I drank occasionally / semi regularly because it was fun. I had fun, I could take it or leave it.
From 32-35 I didnt drink (had kids nursed them). In between these kids and my next I drank regularly but not ridiculously.
From 36-37 no drinking (kids again). last year drank too much too regularly and got sick of it. QUIT. Was sick of being sick and tired and feeling guilty-

I came, I saw, I drank. Never thought of a reason , just did it. One day it was too late
You bet your bippy there is...
Hugs,
Dennis

My experience, First drink @ 13 was utopia from the start. Didn't quit for 35 yrs with other mind altering substances. The only problem was when I crossed that line by 16 was always chasing that feeling from the first drink but never could catch it. I was taught in recovery for this alcoholic it was all about the effect..
Nothing more, nothing less.

HTL-

Your time line is very accurate with me with the exception in the end I drank because I couldn't stop AND I drank because I didn't want to stop. VERY bad place for ones head to be at.

Wanting to stop and realizing I could by seeing others do it was the beginning of the healing process.- Good post

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I drank at first because everyone else was doing it and it was fun.
I continued to drink because i could not stop
I have learned in aa that if i chose to drink again it is because i wanted to.

bump

You ask why? I said "Why Not". Never....never...never thought of myself as an ALCOHOLIC. Later......... "I had a problem". Still not an alcoholic though. The Hardest thing in my life was admitting and accepting that YES....... I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.

I started drinking as a teenager because everyone else was doing it and i knew i was missing something. I stopped drinking at 19 because everytime i took one drink; i could not stop or correctly predict my behavior. Its been a long jouney and i wouldnt go back gfor anything.