it is baffling isn't it? we never know.....but one thing I do know....the engine that runs the train is the first drink....take one drink and it is not the caboose that will kill you....but the engine has started the train and I never know how long that train will be....but one thing I do know is that I get run over by it anytime I put alcohol into the engine.....which is me.....

it can be done....I am proof....I did same as you....not drink constantly.....but binge when I did drink.....I found out that the disease of alcoholism is a progressive disease....never gets better by stopping it gets a rest but the people I have heard from it is doing its job still in background which its primary objective is to kill me.....so if I stop and restart it just keeps progressing.....

I have friend who drank after over 30yrs sobriety after starting with smoking a little weed.....then drinking took over again....now she is in nursing home with stage 7 dementia....this is within one year of starting to drink again.....probably just six months I cannot tell you how sad that makes me feel.....she was a good friend...now she is in situation that is not reversible......she went over the waterfall in the train and that thing wrecked at the bottom and she will never get back her life again.....

do not choose that path....stopping one day at a time for never taking another drink sounds overwhelming until you find your support method and also put the plug in the jug.....

good luck....my sobriety date is june 14, 1995.....one day at a time....

I listen to a weekly podcast, and they often express that the "Opposite of addiction is connection." When I was drinking, I had no real connection to myself, to my relationships and to living. It was easy to pick up the bottle and pretend, but in the end I couldn't even lie to myself anymore. What used to be fun, turned into a nightmare. The day that I chose to walk away from the drink followed a month long binge, blackouts, and suicide attempts that I felt I had no control over. I had gone insane. But for whatever reason, I was given the choice to not be.

Change your question from "Why can't I" to "Where can I?" and I believe answers will start to form for you. Just don't believe your brain when it tells you "nowhere". Alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful. But not impossible to beat.

Any addiction, and it doesn't matter what it is....alcohol, drugs, shopping, hoarding, gambling, etc...... is triggered by past underlying trauma's and/or unresolved guilt in need of healing. That's why it is listed as a mental health disorder. It's a symptom of deeper emotional issues...

I recommend a visit with your doctor, who will evaluate you to determine what treatment options would fit you the best.. He/she may refer you for counseling, or AA meetings, or outpatient treatment but in the end, the decision is yours and yours only....

Good luck on your road to recovery. May you find peace and happiness along the way.

God Bless

Ya, I think the above folks are spot on.
I always thought I was brave. Deep ocean swimming, rock and mountain climbing, building huge structures….. turns out that’s not real courage. Being ready to look inward with real honesty and learning about self inquiry….. now that is brave.
It’s possible to shift your perspective to liking yourself so much that you prefer your own sane and grounded company.
That’s what keeps me sober. The real world I can handle now, it’s that f-uped dark place that is scary. I have no intention of returning to that sad lonely place.
Ask yourself what do you REALLY want? To be an honest healthy man or someone who is probably afraid of his own shadow. No judgment because I know exactly how that feels.

We have all been in your shoes, the fact that you have written your post is a step in the right direction.
Do you want to continue like this knowing that it will end in a binge and hangovers from hell, or do you want to wake up and say 'today is the day I stop' - it just gets worse and eventually you die - simple as that unfortunately.
We are all here to support you, and there are a myriad of online options to support you to stop drinking, it is all up to you......................

The addict can’t just quit, the addict needs to deflate the ego and learn to love oneself. Honestly only 1 out of 100 make it , odds are against you

It’s a good step that you reached out
You are not alone
Gentle hug <3

But Chaz, you could be that 1 out of 100 - we all were, so defy the odds and kick this addictions ass !

Well you certainly got some feedback and some tough love.
The ego comment is interesting because when I was drinking I never saw myself as having a big ego when, in reality, it was all about me.
The freedom of not thinking about where to get a drink or when makes me a better person. That whole selfish element is removed.
Anyway I hope you come back to read your responses and see that there are support opportunity’s if you want them. All you have to do is ask. It really is that easy

You are not alone, I tried giving myself a break from alcohol then I had an ordeal that just came from nowhere, now I drink a bottle of wine a day or two beers , I keep telling myself I will do better tomorrow but I fall into the same cycle. What scares me is that, this time is different, I don't have willing power anymore.

How’s it going out there in the bar? If you want to change it is possible if you do one simple thing. You need to admit that booze is more powerful than you.

Remember alcohol IS a drug. Sold over the counter and easily available, most people don’t realize how addictive it really is. From an early age we use it to solve all our problems, only over time our body gets a tolerance and needs more and more of the drug to “solve” our problems and then in a swift move flips on us and then IS the problem.

Get some help before it is too late, please.

1is2many

It is simple, if you don't stop, you will end up dead eventually, need to make a choice of whether you want to live, or stay stuck in this never ending cycle - it takes guts and determination, but once you do it, your entire life will change.

So glad I found this post. I’m the same way. I go weeks without drinking.. no big deal. But when I do it’s rarely a drink. L Sometimes I can go out for a few months blackout and then nurse my hangover the next day and get on with my life. Then there’s other times I blackout out and just continue it for like a week or two straight and mess up my whole life and have to go on an apology tour. I’ve been really trying to find a good balance where I can have fun for a night and not go out on a full out binge. If you find out the secret please let me know.

The secret is the alcoholics body develops an immunity to booze over time needing more and more to produce the same feeling, then an the point of blackout is overloaded with alcohol and can’t control the brain, body, and we do things we normally would not, resulting in bad consequences

Normal drinkers drink and get a feeling of chill, alcoholics drink a drink and the endorphins start flowing. Normal drinkers have two and the feeling of enough, alcoholics have two in the shower before going out, normal drinkers get a hangover and decide that they are going to not drink that way, alcoholics get a hangover and try to figure out how they can drink the same way with a different ending.

1-2

The only secret is to 'stop' - if you are an alcoholic, there will never be a good balance.
Alcoholics just keep on drinking until it eventually destroys your life.
When you have to apologize due to your drinking, you need to ask yourself if it is becoming a problem.
If the answer is yes, make a plan to stop drinking for a month, see if you can do it and then look at how you are feeling.
If your life/mind/body is improving - you have your answer!