It is something that no-one likes to face. For me, I knew many many years ago, looking back I drank differently to others. I drank for the effect and it never felt "enough."

Admitting my problem took far longer - I've only been sober for 4 years and even then, I found it hard to admit to my innermost self that I really was an alcoholic - this despite all the evidence of the wreckage of my past. The alcoholic mind plays tricks on itself.

I got sober with Alcoholics Anonymous, that is where I found out what "alcoholic" actually means.

Welcome to the group.

Well i never hit a 'rock bottom.' Nothing like a DUI, or even a day of missed work, or a blow out with a loved one.
What I had was one too many hangovers, I was feeling horrible because I couldnt stay stopped when I stopped, and I had absolutely NO connection with God. I had no idea why when I had "everything" I said I ever wanted...I was miserable. I'd cry on the drop of a dime and felt like I had a huge hole that wind blew threw right in the middle of me.
So that was my bottom. That was when I finally went to AA, turned it over, and began to get some clarity and then hope and now happiness.

I am more like gailly I knew long time before I ever did anything that I probably was an alcoholic....it is simple...you know you have some problem with the booze...when you drink you continue to drink until drunk off butt....when you want to stop you might be able to stop but for some reason or another the alcohol comes back into the scene and you are drunk all over again....

Mine were binges of drunkeness not every day did I drink...I even could just have one when I was in the mood too....but if I felt I wanted to drink I got drunk because there was no Off button...or stop button....I could go on telling how I drove drunk all this time but you prob know all about that....am I right?

hugs bill welcome

I too sat a long time in the denial of my disease. I always thought it was ok. I always thought I would be able to beat it.

It took me one more geographical (move) to realise I was the problem and not my circumstances, where I lived, who I dated, my background..it was me. I knew where my 'local' AA group was in the town before I moved yet never got there.

Within two weeks of me moving to where I am now, an event got me to AA and then my journey really began.

Why does the thought of 'going sober make you want to cry'? Are you not ready to say goodbye to alcohol yet? What will it take?

I knew i was an alcoholic when I tried to control my drinking and found out that I couldnt.

I can recall being 18 and thinking to myself there was something wrong with how much I liked and obsessed about drinking, but it caused me no problems, so why stop.

I was about your age when drinking started becoming a real problem for me, but it still "worked" so I too would have been upset at the thought of stopping.

The first time I tried to quit drinking, I was 21 or 22. I didn't get through even one day. I had no idea what was going on with me physically/mentally that day I tried, but I gave up very quickly, not to try again for a decade.

For that decade, I was very alone, but really didn't care too much because I had my comfort in a bottle. Pretty much every day was the same - work and drink and pass out.

I got married at 31 and my drinking escalated more - weekends were one long bender. I was losing control of everything and the life was being sucked right out of me. I started missing work. Tried to quit drinking. Got worse and worse. Finally ended up in rehab and have now been sober 5 mos.

The way I see it... That long decade was a complete waste of my life. No telling what it would be like today had I gotten help sooner. I know many people who get sober at your age. I hope you get the help you need. You don't have to "hit a bottom" per se - you just have to WANT to stop and be prepared to go to any necessary length to do it.

Good luck. Keep posting and reading.

I think that the idea of being so sad at losing the booze is a really good indication that you may need to step away.

I always new I was an alcoholic, strangely, even before I drank. I tried to incorporate it in my life and make my drinking "work", like Earnest Hemmingway or some other romantic notion of a creative fabulous drunk. Never worked.

I don't know what your bottom is though. Maybe you should just say this is it?

My take on the whole thing, was at a very young age, I heard Me when a Alcoholic was described in layman's terms. I believed I fit the description So i decided to continue to understand and not have to pay the consequences, drinking does to a Alcoholic!! Sobriety gave me the freedom to see !! what was going on . Big Book AA : Alcohol was only a Symbol....
Billy

I knew I was alcoholic when I needed it to function, or deal with stress, or because it would make going bowling, movies, dinner more fun. If I didn't have any alcohol in the house, I would freak. I needed it there, just in case I needed it.

At first it wasn't a problem, 5 years ago. It has progressed, it will take over your life.

I realized years before I did anything about it. I planned my life around drinking.

I saw on your profile that you also belong to Depression, Bipolar and Self Injury groups here. I have a relative with depression who is bipolar. She drinks to self medicate and then ends up more depressed. I just found out she has quit again using AA and I am so happy for her. Drinking on top of other issues can really makes it all spiral downward.

Why don't you at least stop for 2 or 3 months and see how you feel? If you can't stop, then you have a problem you might want to address. Wouldn't hurt to go to an open AA meeting, see what it is all about.

I decided to stop. Reading all of your stories and advice really helped. I know I shouldn't be drinking because of my medication AND my drinking has gotten totally out of control. I need it to have fun and I crave it all the time. I am officially trying to go sober right now at 2:30 August 4th, 2011.

Good to hear you have decided to take action. Try and keep it in a perspective you can cope with, like "I won't drink today" each day and stick to it. See how that goes.

If you find that you cannot manage this, Alcoholics Anonymous is widely available.

Ask questions here or private message me if you want to, don't go it completely alone.

Wishing you well!