I am in no way qualified to answer this because you have struggled with this longer than I have, but I'll contribute an answer.

I think the point is to quit drinking and lead a "real" life, not one saturated with alcohol which contributes to strained relationships, depression and poor quality of life.

If you believe in God, then your understanding in Him should probably be your higher power.

I don't know what to tell you about your last couple of questions. I've been going to AA for a few weeks now and it helps me just to hear others struggle and know that I'm not alone. There have already been a few times where I've wanted to just go home and get drunk, but I don't because I want myself to go back to AA. It's like they say after the Lord's Prayer, "keep coming back, it works if you work it".

The point is ...to find a new way of living with the help of a higher power of your understanding. Not a religion that had been force fed to you your whole life.Theres nothing wrong with religion it works well with AA. But religion won't keep you sober. I think you've proven that to yourself. When you go to your next AA meeting try listening to the similarities instead of the differences.I'm sure there are plaenty of Chatholics that have had the same problem as you. He might be your next sponsor.God will hear you when you open your heart and mind to his calling

I have been to 1,000's of AA meetings and it sounds like programed response to me.

I know I drink too much but that is not the underlying issue. I need to identify and resolve the underlying issue.

JP

The point is to be free from alcohol and live a decent life.

Well anything worth having doesn't come easy.

Many people expected God or their HP to "fix" it all for them, just because they believe - it really doesn't work that way.

Once the cloud of alcohol subsides and the reality of life sets in is when the real works begin - i.e. a program, AA or some other choice, many times, therapy and counseling to deal with issues of the past, learning about forgiveness, acceptance, etc, you have to train your brain.

Sobriety is the change of the body, mind and soul - not something that comes over night.

Asking us what's the point - it's not our point or our views that matter you either want sobriety adn make the choice to work to get it or you choose life with alcohol - it's up to you.

Hi!! I hear you , I got sober Young I guess I saw the signs. And at some level I felt like I had suffered enough. Had many years left to do as I pleased but was so attracted something I felt at meetings. Yes!! our book and The people I got sober with suggested a simple reliance on a power greater than the Alcoholism that had been keeping my butt.
They suggested I asked this power Whatever it is for you , To relieve me of the need to drink Today!!! And at the end of the day thank that power for the strength given.
In between surround myself with sober people. And make that my purpose and priority , staying sober for Today and staying involved in AA with like minded people.
It has worked for me for Many A day... All in the simplicity . And single-minded action of being there with other sober folks and gaining Strength:) In the beginning.
Billy

Drinking is not the core issue. I need to identify the core problem, address it and all else will fall in line.

JP

Well as a Newbie, I'm thinking I have some nerve to add anything but as a newbie I am flooded with feelings of being overwhelemed......I feel like lots of my "core issues" are coming to light.

I too have quit too many times to count, but I don't know how honest I've been about all of my "issues" in th past. I'd quit for a while, feel strong, then go on a long controlled path right back down to feeling like crap and quitting again. Sometimes I'd be on 'good behavior' for months or a year, but inevitably....... something shitty would happen that involved alcolhol and lots of times I wouldn't even remember it.

In the meantime, I trivialized alot ..........a real lot......accused those I love of over exaggerating my problem, being a pain in my ass, yada yada. I would rationalize that the terrible thing (of that moment) would've happened anyway....that anyone would react the same way sober or drunk and it was just because I was drunk that it was being made a big deal.

I'm sick of it. I'm finally sick of it for me, but when I first started quitting, I did it for everyone else. I'd feel like I was giving people something to cry about, and I was out to prove it wasn't my fault for being drunk. In that time I noticed that these "episodes" so to speak happend to many while they were drunk. I began to become of the opinion that perhaps the "episode" would be better diffused, or handled, or contained with out the alcohol having been involved. Of course, I still didn't quit and I'm only coming off my latest "episode" ........but I feel a shift that, while I can't put my finger on it, makes me feel like "the point is to be sober so I can figure out my issues and problems and sort through them with a clear, intelligent, and honest brain." As a drinker, I am ignoring and avoiding them and inevitably making them worse.

I realize this is more my vent than it is advice for you, but I thought I'd share anyway.......I hope that's not too annoying :0)

Someone once gave me some great advice. They said you can spend the next 20 years examining the problem and nothing will change or you can get on with applying a solution which will change everything.

Guess it is up to you what route you take and what you decide "the point" is - we all have to find our own meaning in our life and what we are doing with it.

I can tell you though, from my own experience and the experience of 1000's of alcoholics that i have heard sharing - that sometimes the problem is alcoholism - no more, no less - and searching for some other grand explaination seems to be a complete waste of time.

We begin to understand ourselves when we have got sober, we dont understand ourselves in order to get sober.

And regarding the higher power thing - believing in something is all very well but completely different from having a connection to something and actually believing in its power to change you. The 12 steps can take us from a belief to a connection, that is the point of them.

Overthinking will get you in trouble. When I had a sincere desire to stop drinking, and go to any lengths to stay away from a drink, I started to hear things that I'd never heard before even though I had been to thousands of meetings... just like you.

The bottom line is we have to change the way we think and we change by going through the steps and applying them in our lives. It doesn't come overnight. Don't be discouraged if you haven't got it all figured out in a month.

Find a sponsor and go through the Big Book with him. I'm sure you will relate a lot more to the Big Book than you could the Infomercial for Passages.

All the best.

~Chris

Boy..I know exactly how you feel!! I too have quit 1,000's of times and 'am in the process(again!!) as we speak. I was raised in a christian family, went to church more than once a week for many years, have prayed my heart out to stop drinking,have gone to every kind and creed of AA meetings you can imagine but it seems that I ultimately end up with a bottle on my hand.All I can say is..."never give up,never surrender".Some of us may have to fight this battle to the DEATH!!

I don't mean to discourage anyone but AA turns me completely Off!!At the meetings I've been to all I hear is stories about drinking...."I used to drink like this" or.."I'll tell you a trick I used to use to hide my drinking".....then they go out back and smoke themeselves half to death thinking they're overcoming addictive behaviour.....NOT! I think it's the individual who ultimately stops themselves from drinking because they've come to a certain realization, but of course AA will get the credit for it!

Your problem is you love to drink if that is a problem for you! You seem to be carrying on with life just fine. How wishy washy you are!!!!!!! Just keep on going to meetings and put your dollar in the pot! GEEZ!!!!!!!

The truth is IF you do your research which most people NEVER bother to do is the TRUE recovery rate of AA is 3to4%

I have a few things maybe you can try...Reconnect with God..I mean really talk to him maybe even go to church, Get a journal just for you to see and what ever your past issue was right it down...the good the bad and the ugly...I mean right like a maniac...then burn the sucker. Try different types of group therapy...AA is excellent but its not always for everyone...Theres also Smart Recovery, good luck keep looking for what works for you.