You can do it!

As pj54 says your title want to get sober is a good start I've not been on this site for a few years I came back yesterday mainly to look at my first journals reading them was like many journeys I couldn't stop I drank from opening my eyes till I collapsed I drank at work lots I just wanted to die to end it all I always said I'd stop on a Monday it was always going to be a Monday in fact it was a Tuesday at 2pm never quite the plan but I just kept it in the day it was not to bad but I got divorced not long after I went through bankruptcy lost my home but through it all I didn't pick up it would have only made it worse the days turned to months now years I'm good but I still know now if I picked up I'd never stop you can do this really you can do it for you trust me I get crap days now and many many good days but I always know if I picked up everything would soon go back to when I walked the streets calling my dad with tears saying I want to die he only reminded me of that chat the other day when I took the family for a meal I paid and he said I'm proud of you. You can do it

Today I am on day 5. Thanks for all the support guys. I'm having trouble dealing with difficult emotions but are trying to work through them. I'm still having cravings but are too scared of being in a coffin. Has anyone else felt very up and down on giving up?

How are you doing today?

Hi citychick. Thanks for asking. I feel a bit better this morning but still struggling with difficult emotions which I was anaethtising with alcohol. I actually started driving to the bottle shop last night but turned around and came back home. I'm planning on going to AA this morning so hopefully that will help.

Keep it up! Anxiety and being emotional i think are normal in early sobriety it gets better and for me easier as time goes on.

You should never be embarrassed to go to an AA meeting. We have all been where you have and don't judge people.

Did you make it to AA?

I keep seeing posts from you that you are planning to go.

We all felt that fear, shame, and terror of walking into our first meeting.

It took me weeks to actually wake up and see that these people were smiling, laughing, hugging. They looked healthy, and strong, and confident. Their stories were uplifting and inspiring.

I hate going to the gym. It seems like a huge process. But once I'm there I feel great, empowered, alive. When I walk out I feel proud, hopeful, and energized.

Yup. Your an alcoholic. I am too, and I couldn't stop on my own, no matter what I tried. Lots of people drink again as soon as they get out of detox. Drinking is the most normal thing for any alcoholic to do, so why wouldn't we ?
Breaking up with your boyfriend might be a very wise thing to do at this point because you would be able to focus more on recovery instead of getting all messed up with the emotions, and drama that go along with a relationship, while in active addictions.
For myself focusing on recovery takes all I can do right now. I know from past experience that a relationship could very well harm me, and even kill me in early recovery. Most times our emotions stopped maturing when we started drinking, and we may not be able to handle them properly in early recovery. We can learn to deal with them better, but that takes time usually.
We need to focus on getting well first, whatever way that works for us. Otherwise we die. Either spiritually, or physically. You have the choice. Wish you all the best. James

I just finished reading through this thread. 5 days! That's awesome! I spend a lot of time online when I'm not at work and the last couple of days, I've been stalking the heck of alcoholic support groups. Reading everyone's stories is giving me a lot of hope - even the stories about slip ups and mistakes.
I've never dealt with an addiction. I had no idea what my boyfriend was going through. I'm beginning to understand a bit more. It is helping me. If I can help you at all, just say the word.

Hey Everyone,
I've made it to day 11 so the withdrawals are over. I'm starting to feel half-normal again. I'm determined not to drink as I don't think I've got another recovery left in me. Thanks for all the kind messages and words of support.

Did you make it to a meeting?