I really like your decision. He seems to have expressed that he really wants to change. While alcoholics can sometimes tell you what you want to hear, I assure you that some are very genuine in their wanting to change. No one is truly content being dependent on alcohol.

I was married many years ago to a woman who didn't drink, and I drank very heavily. She hated my drinking but supported me without going out of her way to make me feel small or any more guilty and ashamed then I already did. Eventually I really made the effort and was sober for 8 years. We had a great relationship and both of us were so happy that she did not bail on me when she could have. We did eventually divorce, but I was sober at the time and alcohol played to part in the decision. It ended up being because of religious differences, but it was extremely amicable and we remained excellent friends.

Your test is determining how sincere he is. This doesn't mean that he won't slip up on occasion, but if he continues to try over and over again until it finally takes then there is good reason for hope. The fact that he is not living with you until that happens is a good thing for you. People who are true alcoholics are in just as much pain themselves as the people that they have hurt through their drinking. Most want change, but addiction is so hard to kick. I'm relearning the skills to do it.

I really believe alanon will help you. You won't regret attending because you will meet others affected by a loved ones alcoholism, and learn what worked for them.

10 years ago, I was in the midst of a very bad drug and alcohol addiction and all I cared about was getting my next fix or my next drink. Everybody else came second. The only thing that got me into treatment was when my wife kicked me out of the house, so I promptly drove myself to detox, having nowhere else to go.

Alcoholism has been called a family disease because of the negative affects each family member has to suffer through due to the excessive drinking. When I see people like you come along (and there have been many) It reminds me what I put my own family through and reinforces my conviction to maintain my own sobriety because I never, ever want to put my family through that torture again!

God Bless!

I hurt more when I was trying to break it off with him than I ever did because of his drinking. Honestly, I think I'm lucky in a way. He doesn't get mean or nasty when he drinks. He just talks and rambles and gets a bit annoying, but he also gets extra snuggly. He's really good to me and makes me feel special. He makes me feel loved and valued. I've read so many stories of alcoholics treating their SO's badly, taking things out on them, getting angry. He doesn't do any of that. I've been through hell. Several months before I started my bf, I escaped a very abusive relationship. I was fully controlled and beat and he nearly killed me. I lived in a DV shelter until my mom was able to buy me a plane ticket home. I came back with nothing but a suitcase of clothes. It took me about a year, but I got a job and my own apartment and I bought and licensed a car. I became completely self sufficient. I rebuilt my life. My bf supported me through all of it. I still have nightmares. He wakes me up from them and holds me until I stop crying. The only time I have ever seen him angry was when I told him the entire story of my ex. And he wasn't angry at me. He isn't controlling or jealous. He doesn't push me to make decisions that I'm not ready for. When he moved in with me, he made sure to tell me that it was still MY place and he wasn't going to try to make any decisions for me. That meant a lot to me.
We were friends for 10 years before we started dating. I knew that he had a drinking problem when I agreed to go out with him, but I learned that it's a bit worse than I thought. Still, I fell in love with him a long time ago. And we're really good together. He's made a lot of improvements in the last year since we started dating. He got a job and he slowed down with his drinking. He stopped going on 3 day binges. I'm proud of what he's already accomplished and I would have been ok with things going the way they have been going until he drove drunk and endangered that baby. That was his wake up call. That's what made him realize that he truly needed to change. She is his world and realizing what he could have done - it hit him hard.
He's ready to change. I'm sure of it. I understand that he might slip up. I had a long talk with him today. I told him that I felt like I was putting too much pressure on him by expecting him to never drink again. I told him that as long as he works on it and is honest with me about his slipups, I'll stay with him. I'm actually feeling a lot more secure. I accept that this is going to a long, difficult road. But he's worth it.

It sounds like you have found your soulmate but if he has to be drinking in order to become all the things you desire in a man, you have to ask yourself is there really love there. I am not judging but just repeating back the words I just read.

I really hope it all works out for both of you. Sometimes when we are upset, we can exaggerate miniscule things but we can also minimize a potentially serious situation. Only time will tell and I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless you both!

Being as though you have known him for so long, I imagine you have a very good idea of who he truly is without the alcohol. And it really sounds like he's come to terms with the fact that changes need to happen. It's never ideal to be with someone who has alcohol issues, but at least he doesn't treat you poorly or abuse you. That is a positive sign. I myself have always been a very mellow drunk. If I had treated any of the women I was with badly - whether it be verbal or physical - I don't think I could have lived with myself. It was hard enough the way it was. Here's hoping for all of the best for the both of you. If he gets through this major obstacle things will be so worth it for you. He'll be just that much more lovable because he will be more present in the relationship. Good luck!

He doesn't drink to become what I need. He's always what I need.
I believe in him. I think he's ready to change.

it sounds like you are head over heels and will do everything possible to make your relationship work out. That's great -- he gives you a ton of support and you are giving him support as well.

A note of caution -- you mention that it's okay with you if he slips as long as he is working on it. An alcoholic can take that as a pass to drink whenever they want, after all it is just a slip.

I hope it works out for you.