You don't mention how long you've been with him but I have to say "Bravo!" for getting the kids out of the chaos that comes with living with an active alcoholic. I hope you set limits regarding phone calls from him, etc. I told my sister the same thing. "Do not call when you're drunk". Best of luck!

Thank you for the positive. We have 16 years of history and the last 4 married.
Setting the limit on the call is a good suggestion thank you.

Thank you for the positive. We have 16 years of history and the last 4 married.
Setting the limit on the call is a good suggestion thank you.

Hello LA2017,

It looks to me as if you are handling this difficult situation very well so keep doing what you are doing.

It seems as if your husband has not had enough of drinking yet or he would have made progress before now. However, there is always hope. It is good that you are in therapy and another great resource for you would be Al-Anon. There is not a lot that you can say to an active alcoholic but you can suggest AA to him. No use in nagging him about his drinking as he will only use that as another excuse. Point him in the right direction and let him make his own decisions, hopefully the right ones.

Prayer is powerful so God willing, your prayers shall be answered.

If you have not already tried this, then it may help if you take an interest in his recovery by asking him some of the things he learned while in treatment.

I remember when I was in outpatient treatment, every wednesday was dedicated as family day. We were allowed to bring in as many family members who wanted to attend and we would all do written and spoken exercises designed to bring each family closer together and help both the family members and the alcoholic grow together as a cohesive unit in sobriety. The counselors carefully dealt with every single issue that would arise as families poured their hearts out. It was a very healing experience for all concerned, husbands, wives and kids!

I remembered my wife did not want to have anything to do with my recovery which was very hurtful to me but I understood why and I let it go and gave it to my Higher Power and that was how I healed. When I reach my one year anniversary and had my AA party and celebration, again, she was not in attendance to support me. I may have lied when I gave a speech and shared my experience with those in attendance. I gave credit to my wife for her support in my recovery when she did not, but in a sense, she did, because it just made me want to try harder.

Even when one goes through in or out patient treatment, there is still a big chance of relapse when we don't use the tools we are taught to use, to help us stay sober. My counselor once told me, "We can throw everything at you but the kitchen sink, but in the end, it's all up to you!"

We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless

I am a recovering alcoholic. As long as my wife was giving me suggestions or coddling me I kept drinking. As soon as she said she was done only then did I decide to get some help.

Actually she ignored me and that was worse

She never gives me any accolades and that sort of bothers me but actuallly I'm doing what I SHOULD be doing in life and so doing it MYSELF was crucial.

Ignore his as. Don't call. Deep down alcoholics are selfish and was attention. Don't give him the time of day. It maybe what actually saves his as

1is2many

Thank you 1is2many. As hard as it is, I need to take it a day at a time and not act on my worry and wondering how he is . I am praying for his healing and for myself harder than I ever have in my life. I know I will get through this, but must learn to be patient in the process.

I've heard it said that one can put the plug in the jug, but it is harder to just abstain from a relationship. The alcoholic/codependent relationship has to change from both sides to be healthy. I had to learn to let them have the dignity to make their own mistakes and to pay their own consequences. No alcoholic can get sober for anyone but themselves and that means, hands off, open heart. Focus on getting you and your kids well. The alcoholic will either choose to live or die, that is the reality of the disease from the experiences I've gone through in my family. There are also some great suggestions in the Big Book. Check out the chapters on to the wives, the family afterwards and to the employers. Be honest, open-minded, and willing. Keep trudging and be true to yourself. Prayers and blessings.:)

Sounds like you've made Great strides to break free from this. You can want wellness for him, but he has to want it himself.