how long had you been together?

If you've met one nice lady on a dating site, you're sure to meet another one! Hang in there - time heals wounds

Well that's her perogative. I can totally understand and given my x was and is a violent alcoholic, I can relate. Even as an alcoholic myself, pre recovery, and pre admitting I too am alcoholic, I would have thought twice, and perhaps passed on a new relationship with someone who had a history of drug/ alcohol abuse. I simply didnt understand it..
Glad you are sharing this and glad you arent going to drink or use over it!

Hi Bob,
The simple truth is:
Would you date yourself?
I know, I wouldn't date me, if I was completely honest.
Why tell someone everything about your history - when it's history.
You are who you are today.
Good luck!
Mary :)

Mary, yes I would date myself and also, I wouldn't want to hide anything about myself or my past to any potential mate. deertic Not long but we knew alot about each other. Itsjustme, I waited almost a year to meet this one so I don't think another one that almost perfectly matched me will come along anytime soon but thanks for all urs help. Sticky, I see ur point....I think. Thanks!

Sorry Bob, what I wrote earlier was more a reflection on my life and not yours. I am very sorry. I just think it is very hard for non alcoholics to understand how we think and feel. I know, I struggle everyday to stay sober. I still don't trust myself, so why would anyone else. I hope you find love and peace very soon. Mary :)

I think I made a mistake in posting this. I think my Higher Power has something better planned for me.

"When one door closes, another one opens!"

What do you mean, "a mistake to post?"

You are looking for support and asking a valid question.

It's not a mistake.

I have heard peoplesay, "I wouldn't date someone who didn't drink."
for various reasons
1. If their date didn't drink, that means they may not be able to drink if they wanted to.
2. If they had a drinking problem before, they could relapse and p;ast experiences make it toxic for them to be around alchoholics, whether they are in recovery or not.
3. If they claim they don't drink, many people beleive tthat their date may be hiding something else too. That they may have a different coping tool.

4. It means they may need to face their underlying issues too and they may not be ready for that yet.


Many people I know in recovery date people who are also in recovery simply because they get it.

If people have relationship issues from the past, they will have issues in their future relationships too. Does not matter if they date Alcoholics ( active or sober), or not, they will find something to have issues with.

This happened to me too....

I dated a guy, he still very much had his ex wife in the background. The night I set out to tell him I was a recovered alcoholic, he told me his ex-wife was a coke addict and had been for about 15 years! I was like 'fudge'. Then I still told him about my disease as it would not have been right not to.

The trouble in our relationship, my 'sobriety' reminded him of what his ex had not done for the family...she had not wanted to get clean.

He told me all the stories that he had endured and I saw the pain.

You know, I don't blame him for not wanting to go there again with me.

In reality, it wasn't working as it felt false to me, I felt I was walking her shoes and I didn't like it (like a threesome in the relationship).

So...no mistake in posting here...you are not the only one for this to happen to, and you won't be the last.

Yes, we do the work and HP does the worrying, it just wasn't meant to be. Sounds like you had fun for a while...you wouldn't have had that if you had never tried.....

Life is for living and there are no guarantees we won't get hurt.

So...when you are ready, dust off, and rise again. 'If you ain't in it, you can't win it' :)

Oh, and the hope......I have been sober nearly 5 years (where does the time go???) and have dated 4 times and this was the only time it was a problem. All others said they had no issues :)

You use this to strengthen your resolve! "See, what alcohol and drugs has cost me."
But better you know this now than being judged on your past constantly...