get out of that house ashley, way too tempting, you need to get your mind off of all of this. SOunds to me sitting at home is not good-physically get moving I say. Go to a movie, coffeeshop with a book, call a friend and go over, hell, call the aa hotline and get to a meeting, anything to get you away from those booze.

ps i would never have booze in the house even now, too tempting in a moment of weakness.

Get busy doing something--either in your house or away. Get your mind occupied.

And for heavens sakes get that damn booze out your house. Girlfriend, you are setting yourself up.

Today, I can go out, or I can stay home. I can have booze in the house, or I can dump it out. I try to remember exactly how I felt just before I decided to sober up and change my life. Back in the day, there was a voice in my head which said, "Go ahead and have a drink, Jim, this time it will be different, you will be able to drink and not get shxt-faced drunk this time." I finally learned, after a thousand tries, that voice was lying to me. I cannot drink like a normal person. I now firmly believe I have no chance of ever being able to drink and control it, or control my life. I know if I drink it will be just like the last time, only worse.
Today I know I have a choice. I can not drink, or I can drink, get drunk and do stupid, illegal things I would not want my best friend to know about. So far today, my choice has been to not drink.

I used to go through the same things, when I was alone. I don't feel alone now, and I don't try and con myself anymore. There is nothing good about drinking for me. I don't miss it, or want it. I know the trouble it brings me, and what it will take away. I'm alone in my apartment now, and could easily have a drink, but I've done that so much before. went to meetings after pretending that I was still sober. The feeling of being a hypocrite, and not being honest are just to much for me. I did that a lot before. Nobody knew, but I did. My self respect is too important to me. If I ever hope to be happy, and have good relationships, how can I do that if I can't even be honest with myself? Get rid of your booze! Quit playing. Being sober is worth it. I have a life now and I'm living, not existing. Wish you all the best. James

I went for a drive, a long one actually and it seemed to help clear my head some....then I came home and relaxed....sister and kids got home from wedding....she had had only like one but was dropping kids off and going out with this guy she met...for a second it made me really jealous and I wanted to be going out with her....But then I really stopped and thought about it....going out to a bar...I always do something stupid to embarace, and it is not worth it in the end....bars are not even fun anymore, I am 30 now and all the girls are like 22, 23...its not the same...really it is gross, most bars are like meat markets anyways...and with my sister, she usually runs off with some guy and leaves me...not fun....or i do something to piss her off....It is simply not worth it!!!! I do not want that life anymore......
yes, I am struggling tonight but I know it is worth it, my sobrity and I will not mess that up.....I have to sometimes argue with my own thoughts but I think it will get easier as time goes on and I continue to realize how serious my drinking was and how much better life can be without it.....
And soon my sister and nieces will be moving out (2 wks.) and I think my stress level will go way down....although I know some of the problems I face will not vanish....I am growing stronger everyday, I just have setbacks in my thinking and then I get back on track.....the weekends are still hard for me sometimes.....It sucks to be single but I know in time I will meet someone after I spend some time straightening me out.....
sorry to ramble
thanks for all the support everyone, your words do mean a lot to me....
Ashley

You have been doing so well and you have built up a substantial amount of time without drinking. You really don't want to give all that up after all that you have been through to get to this place in your life. Don't give in now your making it.

Good for you Ashley, for getting out and going for a drive. I do that too, when I'm just a little stir crazy - of course I just got my license back after a year of not having it, so it's kinda new to me this freedom. I love long drives on a nice day with the music cranking. LOL

Celebrate that you got through the struggle tonight. Do something nice for YOU tomorrow - or today, actually!

You go girl!!!

Thank you Jan, I might just do that....spend some of the money I am saving from not drink:) just something small is always nice...I love going to the bookstore:) what a nerd I am becoming but I like it, the old me is coming back...I love to learn..and need to do more of it:)

Much better to be a nerd than a drunk lol

Well done on getting through Saturday night, I just saw your post.

What you speak was so 'me' a couple of months ago. Then someone said to me I am not 'lonely' as I have chosen to be 'alone' and that really helped me. I like my time on my own now as I see it as a choice rather then something I have been dealt (the 'why me' my alcoholism would have me play!).

It is great to see the joy on peoples faces when they find out we are still sober...alot of my friends and family are always too worried to ask. Way to go you with your dad and brother :)

As for the coffee liquor, it is too early in sobriety to have that in the house, tip it down the drain! Why give yourself temptation?

I save my 'alcohol saved money' in a bottle and now have well over 1000 in it. So, go get your book and if you want to speak to another nerd, stop by :)

An AA book and a sponsor to get you writing on the 12 steps are a good alternative to considering a bottle in the house. Just a suggestion. Sometimes when we attend AA, people give us a phone list of people willing to take a call, and pick up the phone instead of pick up that drink.