Yup. This was me around my anniversary last month:

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Really, Nemo? ...I am not always sure when to take you seriously.

If you are serious, why does this happen and what did you do about it other than wait it out?

It's just another day for me quite frankly. Get out of your own head and do something for someone else. Try what we talked about. 8 minutes, Anna. I think it's worth a try.

Its all part of the disease.A physhologial game of the mind. It really doesnt matter to the alcoholic why we think the way we do. We just know that something isnt right. Thats why this program of Alcoholics Anonymous is so instumental in our sobriety. We have our meetings, our sponsors and most of all our higher power to give us the strength to get past these moments. This is our solution and it works. Greg

Great to hear you closing in on that 365 days thing Anna I know its not been easy so "good on ya"
for me when they come there nice for a day but luckily I dont get negative vibes Hey have you got back to fitness for soccer be nice to hear a match report "This to will pass" I know you know that but thought i'd say it anyway regards Tony

My take on it is that at the time of anniversaries we are often thinking about where we were a year ago, what we have come through in the last year etc - for me it is definitely a time where I think about things. If it is your first year thinking about a year ago will be thinking about the end of your drinking. Thinking about the last year will definitely involve thinking about drinking experience and sober experience and it is maybe not suprising that that can get twisted into anxiety about sobriety and thoughts of drinking.

The times when things seem hard are the times when we really find out about our program. Remember that we were previously powerless and had no reliable defence against the mental obsession leading us to the insanity of taking the first drink. But now we do have a defence through the program and spiritual connection. We can learn a lot about where we are and where we need to grow when we go through times that seem more of a struggle.

I am just coming up to an anniversary and defintely use this time of year for some inventory and review but where my first few anniversaries did feel strange in some way the dont have the same effect now.

Tara,

Just hang in there, keep your eye on the prize and don't lose your sense of humor:

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Anniversaries sure do come quickly and go again (here you come, Nicky 'again').

I remember around a year getting really excited....I remember thinking 'I won't be able to say this time last year anymore' and it was a major thing for me. I wanted to celebrate my year so went off to Stone Henge. Nothing could have disappointed me...not even the clouds at sunrise! haha

That said, I too agree that anniversaries have me reflecting (and my disease being cunning baffling and powerful too).

It is good to share what is going on.

A year is coming? Wow wee. You rock (and your HP)

Thanks all.

In all honestly I have felt this way maybe 4-6 times in the last yr, as though I am inches from saying eff it and picking up a drink, "just a light one - no one has to know - we will just do it quietly" and then I stop and realize how absolutely crazy that is given my history.

It IS nuts, but I panic anyway. Like there are 2 voices in my head, one that says "you can drink" and the other that says "no friggin way can you drink dumbass" and I start to get scared that the demon is going to win out despite the fact I DON'T want to drink. I literally panic about being panicked and about picking up a drink despite the fact I KNOW better.

It so crazy and actually pretty friggin nuts to verbalize and STILL be scared.

Dang. I am totally okay y'all. I am talking at Tara Treatment Center next Thurs and no way am I gonna blow that off, so I just gotta get past this. I think it will go away here pretty soon. It is just extremely uncomfortable for me is all.

Maybe just a reminder I need to not get overconfident or complacent.

Nemo, I should send you the pic of my former squirrel that ate outta my hand. (I know I was prob doing a disservice to the little mama by teaching her that).

I got squirelly at a year too. But, realistically its just another day. I am coming up on 18 months and I am in both fellowships. NA gives out 18 month tags. So far, so good. I have my sponsor to call if it gets bad Good luck and Congrats on the year

Hi Taradactyl, A WHOLE YEAR!!! That's Super1 I'll let you in on a secret about those little voices. They work for Satan. They're trying to make you fail so Satan can take over your Will again. But, all you have to do the second you notice those voices is, pray to God to SHUT THEM UP! He'll do so instantly. Be sure and thank God for His help.
No voices, no vices.

yes birthday jitters was common for me for few years...it usually was just anticipation anxiety...which we call premeditated resentment....haha

If I spend time thinking about how long I've been sober I sometimes have a moment of panic. I've been sober two years? I haven't had a drink for that long? Whoa -- that's a bit overwhelming. Seems like a long time. How did I do that? I can't keep that up.

A moment of anxiety about it.

Then I give it a another moment and just let the thought go. It was important to me to track how long I was sober at first. Now it almost gets in the way. Don't know if that makes sense, don't know if that helps, but I bet in a few weeks the anxiety lifts and you are back to living sober and not over thinking it too much.

And Hey -- CONGRATS!

Whenever I am in my celebration month those feelings come around for me too. It's kinda like a reflection time on the past year and it brings back memories of my last drunk and It's important I remember these things so I don't go back to those old behaviors again. I have also learned it's just a feeling and this too shall pass. Stay close to your sponsor, support group and go to meetings even if you just want to sit home and isolate. Most of all stay connected to your higher power and pray..the 11th step prayer always helps me. Share about it because it's about the newcomer and you might help someone else with what your going through. Remember service and giving it away is so important. Congrats on your year and after you go through this you will have grown.